


Three Blind Tooke [Abridged]

by ElmiDol



Series: TBT [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dark fic, Emotional and psychological elements, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bonds, Gaslighting, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Loss of Virginity, Mentions of Rape/Noncon Elements that are not shown, Prisoner of War, Resistance!Reader, Vaginal Fisting, appropriate triggers warnings, canon divergent partway through tlj, consensual and dubcon sex is shown, dubcon, inappropriate use of lightsaber
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25470457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: You had not known why the bodies were taken from the battlefield, however you stood by the belief that the Resistance would not be intimidated.Being Kylo Ren's prisoner complicated you in ways that you had never believed would be possible. Slowly you started to find shades of gray in a war not only in the galaxy, but within yourself as well.[Abridged version has fade to black scenes, non-explicit non-con, and appropriate trigger warnings at the beginning of chapter and, in places, possibly in the chapter itself. No non-con scenes are described/shown in full]{Part One: Resistance is Futile - Chapters 1 through 24}{Part Two: Precarious Harmony - Chapters 25 through 42}{Part Three: Death is an Art - Chapters 43 through 66}
Relationships: Finnrey Hints, Kylo Ren/Reader, SideTemporary Hux/Reader, Somewhat Rey/Reader (if you squint)
Series: TBT [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1239113
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Three Blind Tooke](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655709) by [ElmiDol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol). 



> This version of the fic is for all those who want to enjoy the story but are uncomfortable reading explicit noncon content. I will remove those pieces from the fic with fade to black scenes and, where appropriate, mentions of any important dialogue that might take place during such scenes. I will also include trigger warnings for other elements at the beginning of each chapter. If you feel that a warning is missing, feel free to comment and I will add it.
> 
> Three Blind Tooke is the fic I started writing in 2016 to help deal with my worsening health conditions, personal traumas, and my sexual assault. Kylo and the RC are representative of two halves of one person at war with one another. Since they are also their own characters, this is obviously a very touchy thing. I am aware of the intensity of the original version of the fic, and I am toning it down here as best I can.

_Three blind tooke,_  
_three blind tooke;_  
_See how they squirm,_  
_See how they squirm;_  
_They all’re caught up in the strife;_  
_As they fall, so there ends a life;_  
_Have you ever before seen such a fright,_  
_These three blind tooke._

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
Part One: Resistance is Futile**

Chapter One: A Pocket Full of Posey

[Chapter Warnings: Injury; Vomiting; Nonexplicit/Thwarted Suicide attempt]

_When asked if I was prepared for death,_  
_It was without hesitation that I spoke, “Yes”;_  
_And yet when it came time for me to die,_  
_Still I posed the time-old question: Why?_

  
  


You had seen it before; stormtroopers collecting the bodies of those felled by Kylo Ren. As a member of the Resistance, you had grit your teeth at the sight before being dragged away, lest you be added to that number. Why it was deemed fit to gather the bodies, you were not entirely certain. Some Resistance members said that it was to confirm the ranks of the fallen. This you did not believe; why not gather all bodies then? It was too ghastly to imagine what might be done to a body after death. The worst part of it all was that the remains could not be brought to loved ones for proper disposal, be it cremation or burial.

The aftermath of your first mission had been more traumatizing than the sight of death itself. People breaking down into tears was something you had seen before. The holographic image of a child bursting into tears, however, was nothing you had experienced. You had stood there, shell-shocked, as you watched the child’s mother bend down to comfort him. He was at the age where he understood death and the finality of it. There was nothing you could say that would comfort those in mourning. You could only stare.

One of your fellow Resistance members had placed a hand on the small of your back. It had startled you back into the moment. Your breathing had slowed, though you had not been conscious of this. Your lips parted and you dragged in air more greedily. It seemed to catch in your throat, so you excused yourself before that first sob could erupt. You never again were present when the news was delivered to loved ones.

This time would have been no different in terms of watching as members of the Resistance fell at the hands of the darkly clad man while never knowing their post-mortem fates. You glared at his black figure, readied your weapon, and took aim. You had been trained as a long-distance shooter, and at last did you trust your skills enough to target the man who had become the bane of your existence. No, the creature.

An explosion to your left caused you to duck for cover. The sound of the blast echoed in your ears; because that would potentially throw off your aim, you waited several seconds. When you were able to right yourself, the creature known as Kylo Ren was no longer in sight. Already a number of stormtroopers were gathering the dead. Your lips curled into a snarl underneath your helmet. If you could, you would have spat on the ground to get rid of the taste in your mouth. As it was, you tasked yourself with searching for those unfortunately familiar black robes. Unable to locate them, however, you shifted out of position.

Squeezing your eyes closed, you felt your chest heaving with each breath you took. Rage was filling you, you knew. Your flesh felt far too hot for it to be anything else. Frustration. Blindly shooting at the stormtroopers would not be of any assistance to the Resistance. Your objective was to eliminate any officer of importance. Any member of the First Order that was vital. Currently, Kylo Ren was the only such being to fit the bill. He had been high priority, your ultimate task; but that had not been why you had been sent to this planet—you had not even been aware that Kylo Ren would be present.

Where the hell did he go? you wondered, lying on your back for several seconds longer. You then rolled onto your stomach and began to half-crawl, half-drag yourself away. You kept an ear out for any shouts that would indicate you could be of assistance, any acknowledgments on the part of the stormtroopers that their superior was nearby.

Instead you heard dirt. You paused, your breath heavy as ever, and listened again. The sifting of dirt underneath foreign weigh, that was as a more accurate description. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. You rolled onto your back, pointing your weapon to take aim at whoever it was pursuing you. At such a leisurely pace, the creature that was intended to be your target stepped closer. The hilt of his plasma blade was in his hand, his thumb on the switch. You pressed against the ground with the heels of your feet, shoving yourself further back whilst slipping your finger in place on the trigger.

He was playing with you, you realized with a suppressed shudder. Taking a step rightward, straight, a little to the left. Subtle shifts in his robes around those feet that you were observing when you were not staring at his masked visage. You rolled once more, springing up onto your feet and taking off as fast as you could. Your feet hit the ground loudly, your weapon rattling in your hands. You clutched the rifle closer to your chest to stop some of the jostling. He was not running after you; the robed creature was still playing. But you could hear him slowly following after you, hunting you. Small snapping sounds as twigs broke. He was not even trying to be subtle, to be quiet. Because you had seen him, the game was only to drive more fear into you by letting it be known that he was still there.

Your eyes were ever searching for a field that would give you a slight advantage. You had seen that lightsaber he was holding deflect many blasts from close-range. Blood pulsed in your ears. Then you paused, realizing that that was all you could hear. No more footsteps. You looked over your shoulder. A cold sweat broke out on your flesh at the impression that you were alone. You knew that this could not be the case. Walking backwards, your head whipping back and forth, you found yourself tensing when your back met something solid. Your shoulders heaved with your breathing, and you felt your body start to pitch forward, however caught yourself before you collapsed.

You managed to slip your finger against the trigger once more, preparing yourself to shoot. As you spun, you angled the nozzle of your weapon in the direction of his head. You started to pull back the trigger, however found yourself screaming as the rifle was wrenched from your grasp; your finger snapped backwards, and you knew it had been broken. Your lungs felt as though they were burning with every breath. That masked face considered you, the visor pointed in the direction of the front of your helmet. As though the creature behind it was curious about the person who had been hunting him not long ago; the person whom he now hunted.

His curiosity, however, was overridden by his intentions to eliminate members of the Resistance. Something hot entered your body; burning enough that the searing heat you had felt in your lungs was nothing. Behind your helmet, your eyelids fluttered. You stared at the cold mask before you in shock then dropped your gaze. The plasma blade had entered your body the moment he had activated his lightsaber. Just as quickly, without a care, his thumb hit the button and the blade vanished.

You could hear footsteps as you collapsed to the ground below. The burning alternated with cool air rushing past the wound and into you. You waited to feel wetness, to feel your blood leaving your body. Your breathing became labored as the stormtroopers approached their superior. A pulsing in your ears again; your heartbeat, which was becoming slower. Your vision blackened around the edges then faded away completely.

When next you woke, you found that the pain from your wound had not disappeared in the least. There was no blood; no wetness pooling from your body nor sticky coagulation. The injury had been cauterized by the hot blade. Your fingers twitched, and suddenly you were forced to remember that your index finger had been broken. Your mouth opened in a silent scream. You could feel the minute amount of air that you had managed to drag into your lungs escaping. No sound emerged. Perhaps your vocal chords were shot. You knew it was not your hearing; you could hear static-like noises, random metal clinking. A sort of buzzing as well, though this was all muffled. All around you, on top of you and underneath, were the bodies of your comrades. Fallen comrades, you corrected yourself; you had been collected along with them.

It was with a morbid bout of humor that you realized you were about to learn what was done with the bodies of the enemies of the creature known as Kylo Ren. When you heard movement around you, you realized that weight was being lifted from you. Your head was spinning as it tried to wrap itself around the pain flowing through you.

I’m not on a ship… The thought struck you as odd. And then your other senses were kicking in. Smoke; you could smell smoke. Something burning, something so putrid, and— They burn the bodies?

You did not see what the purpose was. Not until minutes later when more weight was taken off of you, when the bodies were no longer blocking your view of the crematorium oven. The ashes were collected and set into a canister. You felt your mouth go dry; he collected the ashes of his enemies. You wanted to cry right there, to scream. Yet you found yourself hardly able to even breathe. And soon you would burn, you thought to yourself. It wouldn’t matter in a matter of seconds. You would soon be lifted, be pushed into the flame, would be burned alive—not that they would care even if they realized you had not yet died.

“A-ah!” The startled gasp as a door opened and heavy boot steps filled the air. “Lord Ren. I… I’m nearly finished, sir.”

The creature known as Kylo Ren did not reply to the man tasked with the duty of burning the fallen Resistance members. Who knew what disgusting things he did with their ashes, you thought. You felt your lips twitching, wanting to twist into a snarl of disgust yet your body was too exhausted to manage even that small feat. The footfalls drew closer, and suddenly your vision of the oven was obscured by that cold metal mask. He was staring at you. If you didn’t know any better, you would say he was watching you as if he knew you were alive.

Your heart, beating faintly in your chest, nearly hiccupped. The creature set a hand on your abdomen, directly above your wound. That he was even touching you only increased your disgust. Such thoughts were overwhelmed by sheer pain when two gloved fingers dipped into the hole through which the saber had pierced. Your throat felt as though it were being torn as a weak scream, this time audible, was ripped from you. The man working in the crematorium startled, a noise of surprise issuing forth.

Just burn me! Just burn me already! you screamed in your mind, wishing Kylo Ren would remove his hand from you. You were a member of the Resistance! Not some toy for his morbid curiosity! He could play with you when you were nothing more than ashes!

His fingers trailed back out of your wound, and walked up the length of your body until his hand reached your throat. His palm flattened against your neck, though he did not press on it, did not cut off your air supply, which was already limited to begin with. Instead his thumb played at the latch of your helmet. Kylo Ren hit the latch, and you felt air sweep in over your face. Hot air, filled with the scent of your comrades’ burning corpses. Death all around you.

It made you think of when you were back on base. Burying the dead. Burning them. Keeping a mask over your face, the smell of flowers beside your bed. Incense. Anything to erase the horrible stench.

Right then you wanted to smell the burning flesh, though. You wanted to smell your flesh burning. Feel the flames eating at you. A scorching heat that would shrivel your skin, tear it away from your bones. You wanted that instead of the sensation of your helmet being fully removed, your countenance, twisted in pain and revulsion, being revealed to the monster that had ended so many lives. Kylo Ren dropped your helmet on the ground as he stood there over you.

The silence clung in the air. For how long—it may have been mere milliseconds. You were inspected through that visor as though you were nothing more than some science experiment. It ran through your mind again, the way he had prodded your wound. The curiosity of a cruel child about to break a toy.

“You’re the first Resistance fighter I’ve seen,” he said, as though he enjoyed the sound of his own, metallic voice. As though he were amusing himself with the fact that you hadn’t yet perished. He seized your upper arm, yanked you to your feet and spun you around so that your back was to him. You nearly collapsed under your own weight. Your uniform covered much of your flesh. It was designed to conceal you from your enemies. Darker in color due to the terrain of the planet you had occupied. A finger trailed along your exit wound, the leather caressing charred flesh. You gagged at his touch, nausea coursing through you as your wound was inspected. Vomit pushed up the entirety of your throat, spilling out of your mouth onto the floor. You swayed in Kylo Ren’s grasp.

It was a wonder you were still alive. Any second now and your body would at last give out on you. You wished it would be sooner rather than later; wished with every fiber of your being that you would not have to endure his touch, his presence, for much longer. You wanted to be burned, to join your fallen comrades in the creature’s collection of ashes.

But the man was quite like a feline toying with its prey. Batting at it, keeping it down; not allowing it to escape but not killing it just yet. He wrapped an arm around your back, dipping so that he could catch under your knees. You were taken out of the crematorium, away from the smell of ashes and death. You grit your teeth. In your mouth lingered the taste of your vomit; in your nostrils remained the smoke you had been inhaling.

The creature responsible for your current position carried you to what you could only assume was the medical ward. The physicians obeyed him without question after you were set upon one of the beds. An oxygen mask was placed over your face, an IV pushed into your vein. Your eyelids fluttered. You tried to shake your head, however found yourself still weak. Gloved fingers surveyed the damage done to you by the man’s lightsaber. It was rare anyone survived such an injury for as long as you had.

I should have just burned! you screamed in your head, feeling your vision blurring whenever you were prodded. A sob tore at you when you felt your broken finger being set. You were their enemy! A Resistance fighter!

You were being tended to for the creature’s sick amusement, you noted; you watched him through the haze and fog that was threatening to overwhelm your mind. The creature was standing at the foot of your bed, his visor pointed in your direction. Watching you as you were tended to by the medical staff. You watched him observing you until at last you passed out.

When next you awoke, you found your wrist shackled to the metal table on which you were set. You tugged at the chain as best you could; you were still in a highly weakened state. As you lifted your wrist a little higher, roughly an inch and a half, above your chest, you found yourself pausing. In your peripheral you caught sight of the shadow crouching in the corner of the room. Your gaze darted to the creature, who remained in that same position. He was still watching you.

“You’ve been hunting me,” he stated flatly. You slipped your tongue out of your mouth, wetting your dry, cracked lips whilst narrowing your eyes. Kylo Ren drew up to his full height. You noticed then that he did not have on his outer robes. His body was a little leaner than you had thought, though not without the visible evidence of toned muscles underneath his armor. “Well—you’ve caught my attention.”

You clenched your teeth. The creature across from you really liked to amuse himself, didn’t he? Turning away from him, you pawed at the shackle around your wrist with your free hand. There was no escaping. With that thought causing your stomach to flip, you raised your wrist to your lips. Before you could open your mouth and bite open the visible vein, you found your body suddenly feeling as though it weighed a ton. You could not move; your wrist was a mere inch from where your teeth could do their work. Yet you could not move your mouth, your head, your arm—anything.

Kylo Ren strode over to where you were kept. He reached behind you, and you heard the clattering sounds of another chain. You had not noticed previously that there was a second chain present. This he secured around your other wrist, turning you in order to accomplish this task. Your arms were stretched out to your sides. You could not lift them entirely even once control of your body was handed back to you.

“Just kill me,” you hissed out with vehemence. He was standing directly before you, and you could do nothing. Even your meager attempts to raise your legs so that you could kick him were in vain; your body was still too exhausted, too drained after being run through by the saber. You eyed the hilt of that plasma blade; it was attached to the belt on Kylo Ren’s waist.

He took a single step back. His hand dropped to his belt, to the very object that kept hold of your attention, and he withdrew the lightsaber. The three plasma blades lit the room more brightly than the small light that was affixed to the wall; the red glow tinged your flesh abnormally. For him—it only made the creature standing before you seem all the more inhuman.

Remembering the hot feel of the blade within you, you felt yourself subconsciously tensing. Kylo Ren lifted the weapon, the tip of it nearly touching your lips. You could feel the heat emanating from the blade, radiating against your already dry lips, which parted as your eyebrows drew upwards. With a flick of his wrist, he easily set the blade at the side of your neck. If you were cut this time, it would be impossible to survive. That in mind, you tried to lean into the blade. Kylo Ren, chuckling, angled it away. The red glow faded from the room.

“You bastard,” you whispered. Truth be told, you were more terrified of living than you were of dying at that point. What reason could he possibly have to keep you alive? He had intended to kill you, had driven his lightsaber through you. You were unlucky to survive your injuries, which were now treated so as to not prove fatal.

“Of all the Resistance fighters, you’ve observed me the most…” He tilted his head to the side, inspecting you. You lowered your gaze to his legs; you could not quite see his feet at your current angle. “Running to gain an upper hand—you’ve observed my speed in the past.” Taunting you in regards to the mistakes you had made. “You’re the first to survive…a careless mistake on my part.” He should have dragged the lightsaber at an angle, should have caused more damage to your internal organs to ensure that you didn’t survive.

“You could have let me burn.” You rolled your wrists, your eyes darting to your broken finger, which was set in a splint.

“Show you mercy?” You snarled at him when his mocking tone assaulted your ears. “Never—not for an enemy of the First Order.” You worked your tongue between your teeth, ready to bite down. Just as you were applying the pressure, however, his hand darted forward, fingers shoved into your mouth and nearly down your throat. You spluttered, gagging at the three digits, two of which pressed down on your tongue. You turned your head to the left then right, trying to rid yourself of the man’s fingers. Kylo Ren did not relent, using his thumb to grip under your chin, holding his hand in place. Still gagging, you glowered miserably at him when Kylo Ren forced you to look at him. “Even still you fight me. You would die rather than submit—I gave you the chance to die. You didn’t take it.”

Not by any choice of your own, you shot back in your mind. His fingers holding down your tongue, stuffed near your throat, kept you from saying the words aloud. Kylo Ren was a sick creature that delighted in the misery of the Resistance members, you reminded yourself. You had survived death. And now this creature wanted to play with you because of it. To break you completely. You breathed through your nose, your chest rising and falling in a noticeable rhythm. You did not doubt he could see the hatred in your eyes despite the poor lighting.

“You will break. They always do.”

You tried to jerk your head back, yet he tightened his grip. “Huh Wehhehhanh hwoa bweh hinhimhihaheh.”

The Resistance won’t be intimidated.

“We’ll see,” he countered, sounding ever sure.

_All throughout the war, see:_  
_These pockets full of Posey;_  
_Those ashes, our ashes;_  
_Let’s all burn down._


	2. Chapter 2

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Two: Consuming the Innocent

[Chapter Warnings: Minor ash play; Kylo refers to RC in some dehumanizing ways that is reciprocated; two mentioned non-con scene that have tense lead-ins along with some aftermath; mentions of sexual assault; mind control]

_Cold toes and the shivering night,  
Pull up the sheet and avoid a fright;  
It lives and breathes beneath the bed,  
Let it catch you, now you’re dead._

While you were still shackled, while his fingers remained in your mouth, his thumb pressing into the underside of your jaw, there entered a member of the First Order whose position you were uncertain of. Air rushed in and out of your nostrils as a strange coating was applied to your teeth; it felt as though there was rubber sealing them, and you became aware of the fact that you would not be able to bite—not yourself to end your life, and not the creature who had at last relinquished his hold of you. Kylo Ren took a step back as a sort of muzzle was secured around your face to prevent you from placing anything into your mouth to harm yourself in that manner. You pressed your teeth together in frustration and felt, for the first time, the rubber-like coating doing its work.

Next were your hands, upon which were placed mittens that were secured to new shackles. The chain of these shackles was draped behind your back and still limited your movement, but was more to prevent you from removing the mittens. You had very limited use of your hands now, of what you were able to grab and do. It was when you were in this state, essentially defenseless, that the creature took his leave of you. The First Order member undid the first set of shackles. He seized you by your upper arm, hoisting you up and practically dragging you away. You stumbled at almost each step, which jarred your body and caused pain to throb around your wound.

The man stripped you—literally cutting away your shirt and bra so that the shackles did not have to be removed—wet a cloth, and cleaned you in that manner. You fought off tears of shame, of embarrassment, as this occurred; but you said nothing, not wanting to give them the satisfaction. After you were cleaned, the First Order member held open a pair of underwear. It was black, which hardly surprised you. You stared at it for several seconds, wondering if you should protest, should make his job harder. But you hated the fact that you stood bare before him, and so you weakly lifted your leg and allowed him to pull the cloth over you. The other portion of your new attire was laughable; it almost appeared to be a dress—again, black—that lacked sleeves, and the man easily slipped it up your body. It hardly covered your chest. Any sudden movement threatened to cause it to slip—if you attempted to escape while wearing this, you would soon be exposed once more to your enemy.

They left your feet bare. The First Order member once again grabbed your upper arm. You felt his fingers digging into your flesh as he led you down the corridors and hallways of—you still were uncertain where you were. Not on a ship. A planet? Some random base? Your eyes darted here and there, taking in all that could be seen. You wanted to be able to provide the Resistance with _something_ if you managed to devise a way to escape. The man thrust you into a room and closed the door, not even bothering to enter with you.

You stared at the door, your fingers twitching underneath the mittens and your tongue running for the umpteenth time along the seal around your teeth. You sniffed indignantly—then paused. You could smell food. You had not realized how hungry you were until that moment; your stomach grumbled, and you mentally cursed it for the noise. The next thing you noticed was that you had the strangest sensation that you were _not_ alone in the room.

A new cage, but the same predator. Trapped with him for another time.

You turned slowly, trying to keep a brave face despite circumstances. His black figure was seated on a bed, beside which there was a tray of food. To the Kylo Ren’s left—to the right of the bed—stood a container that was nearly half the creature’s height. You could see the ashes therein; the thing was filled with them. It disgusted you, threatened to negate the hunger that was building inside of you.

“Those are the newest.” His first words to you since you had entered what you could only assume was his bedroom. You felt bile rising in your throat, and you feared you would vomit—feared it because of the muzzle on your face. Kylo Ren rose from his spot on the bed. He paused, which allowed ample time for you to take in his full height. The way he held himself, as though ready to spring yet at the same time he appeared almost relaxed. You were no threat to him, not in your current state. You blinked, dropped your eyes to the floor, and then lifted your gaze when the creature took a step towards the container. He dipped a gloved hand into the ashes. Your fingers threatened to curl underneath the mittens, to form fists with your hands—save your broken digit, which only throbbed.

His fingers drew lazy patterns in the remains of your fallen comrades. You tore your gaze away from what he was doing to search for something—anything—with which to strike him. Your efforts ceased, however, when he cupped his hand and entrapped some of the ashes. He stepped away from the canister, towards you, and you felt your limbs freezing. It was by no effort of his, by no manipulation of the Force, that rendered you immobile. It was not quite fear either. Simply a sick sense of anticipation, the knowledge of what he planned to do evident. When he was directly in front of you, the creature curled his fingers around the ashes, raised his arm and tilted his hand so that the remains trickled onto your head. You blinked your eyes, some of the ashes threatening to enter and irritate your orbs.

When half the ashes he had collected had descended onto you, Kylo Ren lowered his arm. His hand pressed against your collarbone, flattening and smearing the remains along your flesh as he trailed his limb across the length of your body to your shoulder. All the while he did not stop watching you.

“You wanted to join them,” he said, his tone indicating a sense of detachment. Kylo Ren shifted, stepping behind you whilst keeping his hand on your shoulder. You did what you could to not tremble at his touch. You were not afraid of him killing you—you would prefer that more than anything. But the contact was foreign to you. Only your allies had touched you, and even then it had never felt so…intimate, so _invasive_.

But, you reminded yourself, you would not let yourself be intimidated by him. You started to turn your head, watching him out of the corner of your eye. The gloved hand made its way along your skin to the side of your throat; all the while, ashes were smeared on your flesh. What had been the point of them cleaning you?—so that you could see more easily the blackened remains of your allies upon your flesh?

“Perhaps you should be fed…” Passive still, uncaring. You looked towards the tray of food. Nothing that would require much chewing, which hit you like a punch to the gut. You were being treated like an _animal_. Like some form of mild entertainment. You refused to allow these facts to break you in any way, shape or form. You lifted your chin, staring down your nose at the tray. Behind you, Kylo Ren chuckled. “Obstinate creature.” You felt him draw even closer to you, the metal of his mouthpiece hovering near your ear. “But, you are mistaken—I can take whatever I want.” He lifted a hand, causing you to flinch when it was placed in the air on the other side of your head. His fingers hooked, as though he were latching onto something—and you felt something in your mind, something digging and clawing its way into you as he sent tendrils of suffering through you. “Your willpower is no exception.”

You could feel him digging, searching. He was dragging up memories, the creature attempting to discover your every weakness. You sobbed in pain, however did what you could to throw up mental roadblocks. Walls. You imagined walls, thought of nothing else—until, in frustration, the monster behind you shifted and his body brushed yours. He latched immediately onto the coldness that gripped your heart.

“I see.” The clawing tendrils retreated as you swallowed down the bile that had risen in your throat. The hand lowered from your head, the creature’s limb resting on your thigh. You tensed at the contact. “You didn’t cry when you were bathed—how badly you wanted to.” You legs were locking in place. The hand parted the slit that ran up the length of half the material that covered you. Those leather fingers pinched the edge of the cloth, drawing it aside to expose the black panties. “You’ve been too afraid to even touch yourself.” You moved to catch his hand, yet found the chain stretched as far as it would go when your mittens were mere inches from his wrist. Kylo Ren chuckled again. Rather than touch you, as you had feared was his intention, the creature allowed the material to drop.

Your meager sense of relief was short lived. His grip was like a vice on your upper arms, the darkly clothed Knight of Ren forcing you forward. Your knees hit against the edge of the mattress. You tried to shoved backwards against him, attempted to deadweight to stop him from accomplishing his task, and yet you were too weak to do anything more than prolong the time it took him to finish by, perhaps, five seconds. You were turned around and shoved down, your arms practically pinned to your sides as the chain was trapped under the weight of your body.

With your legs dangling over the side of the bed, you did what you could to kick at the creature. Kylo Ren had lowered himself into a crouch. He held up an arm, upon which your first feeble attempt to harm him hit. There was a soft sound of impact. He moved forward, his hands on your inner thighs, parting your legs as well as the material that had hid your panties from his view. The creature hovered above you, his visor pointed at the simple cloth that maintained the last shreds of your dignity. Slowly, as if drinking in the sounds of you hissing and growling in frustration, Kylo Ren lowered his head so that his mouthpiece rested against the front of your underwear. You froze instantly.

“I have no interest in touching you, Resistance _scum_ ,” he said. Your lips parted, your mouth falling open at the vibrations that traveled through the lower half of your body. You had _never_ felt anything like it. Just as quickly, as though to prove his words true, Kylo Ren moved up the length of your body. You glared at him through the tears that had formed. “You will do as I say.”

“No,” you hissed out, your voice and words distorted the slightest bit by the seal around your teeth.

Kylo Ren raised a hand, the tips of his fingers on your face, near your eye. You hated the feel of leather on you. “You will do as I say.”

And something in you snapped, clicked. As though it only made sense for you to do whatever he willed. Something crawling into your brain, nudging you. “I will do as you say,” you repeated. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, observing you for a moment longer before he straightened himself. He stood there beside the bed, his legs between your parted limbs. The creature, your captor, withdrew the hilt of his weapon from its place at his belt. Turning it upside down, he considered you even longer.

Though your mind, under the creature’s control, was incapable of fully comprehending the abstract concept of time, it was able to _feel_ that there was a sort of wavering. The hesitation was not on your part; you knew only that, for an unexplainable reason, your purpose was to bend to Kylo Ren’s will. Ah, your mind supplied—or was it his? _His_ wavering, _his_ hesitation. A mindless creature could commit more acts than a knowledgeable human, who understood the depth of what such actions would ultimately mean. All repercussions taken into consideration. It went far beyond the ends justifying the means. It delved into every tiny ripple that was created by the disturbance.

The considerations of potential ripples entered your mind, which could not understand why the thoughts were there at all. What purpose did they serve in terms of you obeying the master of your mind? _He wants to know—he should know all._ Something buried deep within you stirred. A small voice, nearly a whisper, that urged you to resist. You should fight against this, the voice demanded.

The waves of indecision from your captor dissipated. His will power pushed across your mind again; a thick fog that obscured any images you may have been able to conjure on your own. It drowned out the small voice of resistance.

 _Please and obey,_ a new voice purred. It had no face, however such an image would have been superfluous. What need did such a benevolent sound have for some visage that would never do it justice?

Humanity—empathy and compassion gave way to the necessity of control. And thus the creature spoke:

“You will desecrate yourself on my weapon.”

“I will desecrate myself on your weapon,” you said, almost robotically. You mindlessly obeyed.

"The Resistance is more willing than you let on," he said while taking back his weapon and leaving the room to clean it. You let yourself fall backwards and sobbed, twisting your body and curling up on yourself. The pain was unlike anything you had ever felt.

You breathed heavily as you lay on your side, the pain not leaving you. Tears spilled down your cheeks by the dozens. The greatest insult was not that he had used his weapon, which had killed countless allies, but that he had tricked your mind into making _you_ commit the atrocity.

“You must be desperate to do something so vile!” you spat out when Kylo Ren reentered the room. His lightsaber, cleaned, was in its rightful spot on his belt. “Pathetic, disgusting _monster_!”

By way of response the creature walked to the tray of food. You were still bleeding, an uncomfortable sensation that was coupled with the pain. Kylo Ren lifted a small morsel of food, which he rolled around between his fingers. He smashed it, rolled it again, working the piece into an even smaller form. It would be able to slip past one of the open portions of the muzzle, you realized. Shaking your head, you attempted to turn your face so that he could not reach your mouth. Kylo Ren was not deterred. He seized you by the hair, tugging so that your neck snapped back enough to give him room to shove the piece into your mouth. You worked your tongue against the food. Despite the fact that you were salivating, that your stomach was churning in hunger just as much as it was disgust, you attempted to push the bite back through the muzzle with your tongue.

Kylo Ren grabbed your thigh, his thumb pushing into your flesh in a manner that you let you know a bruise was going to form. The throbbing pain returned in full. “Gnnn!”

“It would be wise to swallow.” You hastily obeyed, wanting to rid yourself of the pain, of his touch. His hand indeed left you in favor of preparing another piece.

“You’re _depraved_ ,” you ground out before more food was shoved into your mouth.

Kylo Ren set the back of his hand against your face; his knuckles brushed your cheek in what would be considered a soothing manner had it been anyone else touching you. “You want to kill me.”

“I _will_ kill you,” you screamed after swallowing. You would have lunged for him, would have attempted to fight him in any capacity you could, if not for the discomfort and pain. A breathy noise, as though he had scoffed at the idea. Or laughed at it. “I don’t fear you, you monster!”

His response was to mock you further with a fear that was, to him, strange. He murmured his confusion after utilizing the Force again to drive home his point. Again were you handed back the faculties of your mind. You snatched your hands away from yourself, whipping them to your sides. You clenched your teeth and eyed that mask cautiously.

“You’re the first to fear it…” He almost sounded curious. “The first who had no reason to fear it.” _Had_ being the operative word. You looked away in shame.

His fingers slipped into the material, this time aiming for the wound that had been tended to. The physicians had sealed the majority of the holes that had been created by the lightsaber. Yet there remained some damage, which would heal on its own. There would, of course, be scarring. The leather of his gloves against your healing wound caused you to tense up.

“You’re still willing to fight me.” It sickened you to know what he was hinting at; that your fallen allies had broken under lesser circumstances. They had likely wanted to die, not because it would prevent Kylo Ren from achieving sick satisfaction in their misery; but because they were afraid of him. You did not want to die because you were afraid of him. It was the former. It _disgusted_ you that you were alive for his amusement. That you were in a position that was making it nearly impossible for you to attack him. Yet, because you were denied death, you would not give up so easily. You _would_ find a way to harm him. You knew this was the reason the chain was secured behind your back; so that you could not attempt to use it against him.

He reached behind himself with the hand that was not set on your flesh; seizing up the cup, which had a straw protruding, he brought the drink towards your face. You pinched your lips closed. Kylo Ren cocked his head to the side, adding pressure with his thumb to your injury. Your mouth snapped open, a cry of pain leaving you as the straw was forced past your muzzle and into your mouth. Though you could not see the creature’s face, you were under the impression that he would do worse to you if you did not drink; that he would pinch your nose closed and pour the water down your throat so that you choked but were forced to swallow some. You abhorred that you saw no better choice than to temporarily humor him. Sealing your lips around the straw, you sucked up a small mouthful before the cup was dragged away.

Having grown bored with you, Kylo Ren called for a stormtrooper to return you to the small cell in which you had previously been kept. This time you were not chained to the table-like structure you recognized to be a bed. With your hands and mouth bound as they were, you were granted the liberty of moving about the tiny area. In one corner was a bucket, which you understood to be your toilet. You wrinkled your nose, yet within minutes you had no choice but to either use it or wet the panties you wore. That would result in either you sitting in your own urine or else being returned for another cloth bath. You sloppily wiped yourself with the toilet paper after you were done; the mittens inhibited your movements more than you liked.

The blood had dried to your legs. The pain had not fully dissipated. Each time you moved a certain way, the throbbing and discomfort returned. Urinating had done nothing more than aggravate your sensitive flesh as well. Your stomach was burning in hunger; the small amount of food he had fed you had, if anything, only heightened your appetite.

But that was what he wanted, you realized in little time. The creature wanted you to _beg_ him. You wouldn’t, especially not after what he had done to you—what he had made you do.

Even when you were shivering as you laid on the hard bed, you refused to beg. You knew you should ask for a blanket lest you catch a cold. Or perhaps pneumonia. Stars, you _prayed_ you would get sick. That you would catch some sort of infection the First Order physicians would be unable to cure. No such affliction arrived, however; the familiar stomping of boots echoed through the hallway outside the door. You squeezed your eyes closed, curling into a tighter ball then choking on a sob as pain rippled through your lower anatomy again. The girth of the lightsaber hilt had been anything but merciful.

The cell door opened and then shut just as suddenly. You could _feel_ his presence in the small area with you. “You’re cold,” he observed as he closed the distance between the pair of you. His hand touched your shoulder, though you weren’t sure why he would do that—he was still wearing those gloves, so it wasn’t as though he could feel you.

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” you hissed, jerking your body away from his touch.

Kylo Ren’s hand, hovering near your shoulder since you had moved so that his grip on you faltered, found your throat. You stilled at the light amount of pressure that he applied. Staring up into that cold mask of his, you could feel his gaze glued to your face. There was a sudden pressure on your mind, a single word nestling itself and repeating over and over: _submit_.

 _No,_ your mind chanted, though you could not find the strength to speak the single syllable aloud. Could not fight against the creature’s will, which was forcing itself into you the same way it had before. Sweat was gathering on your body despite the cold; in fact, it worsened the chill that assaulted your body.

When his hand slipped from your neck to your shoulder, you said nothing. You were dragged up to your feet; your knees threatened to buckle as more pain shot through you. Crumpling, you found yourself pitching forward, your body hitting into his. He hardly seemed to care.

“Are you afraid?”

“Never of you!” you said through clenched teeth, gagging the next second as you fought through the discomfort.

“You fight so well.” The compliment did nothing other than make your stomach drop, especially when Kylo Ren lowered himself onto one knee before you. His arm snaked around your waist. You lifted a knee, using it to keep some distance between your body and his as he tugged you closer. “You don’t yet realize that you’ve already lost.”

“If I had already lost, you would have finished killing me,” you responded, looking down your nose at him through narrowed eyes. “I’ve _no_ reason to fear a _coward_ hiding behind a mask.”

“Perhaps _you_ would be more afraid of what’s behind this mask,” Kylo Ren said levelly. "A little tooke." He spoke the words as the mouthpiece of his helmet shifted nearer.

“Is toxic to a rancor,” you returned. He mocked you while you were touched, prompting you to bite out a repetition of his words. "'I have no interest in touching you, Resistance _scum_.'" That did not deter him nor stop him from sliding inside your mind again until the unwanted dam of pleasure within you broke.

“A simple touch and you crumble.”

“You haven’t won,” you managed between sobs. You shook your head. “You’re _disgusting!_ … _Loathsome!_ … _Depraved!_ Damned _pervert_!”

“Pervert?” He chuckled, a sound you hated. Kylo Ren seized one of your mitten-clad hands, bringing it to the front of his pants. Even through all the layers you could feel him. “You have no effect on me, Resistance scum.” It disgusted yet at the same time shamed you to find he was not lying; touching you as he had had not seemed to arouse him in the least.

“Your actions are no less perverse,” you said, bending your wrist so that you were no longer touching him. “As though touching me isn’t in itself sexual—you monster.” This time he did not respond. Instead, Kylo Ren swept you up into his arms and carried you out of the cell. It hardly surprised you to find that he had brought you once more to his own living quarters. You were dropped unceremoniously onto the bed. Looking over your shoulder, you glowered at the sight of him punching in a code, which he hid with his body. The room was locked; the only way you could leave was if he willed it.

He returned to the bed, lying on his back as you scooted as far from him as you could without falling off the bed. The material had caught, dragging downwards so that it hardly came above your nipples. “Is this a welcoming gesture?” he taunted. Your cheeks flushed hot. More than ever you wished you had control of your hands; at least then you could reestablish some of your dignity as well as attempt to strangle him. Kylo Ren reached to the side, seizing the front of the poor attire and tugging down in a single movement. You could look at him no longer as your breasts were fully exposed. “Perhaps if you asked for mercy, you would be humored.”

Again did he want you to beg; and with the sweet _lie_ that you would be shown mercy. “I will die before I submit to you,” you said, turning your back to him and rolling onto your side. You laid down on the bed, hating the fact that you were starting to cry.

_Under the bed lies a monster; it likes to eat children, because people taste better when they’re—they call it **innocent**. If you place your foot upon the ground, you can feel his breath. That’s him drawing closer. You have to look under the bed quickly or lift your foot back up. Otherwise he’ll eat you._

It had been a tale told to you by a friend in childhood. Face your fears or else avoid them. Never let yourself be caught off-guard. You shifted, draping your leg over the side of the bed. You gripped onto the edge of the mattress while placing your foot upon the ground. You waited with bated breath.

Behind you, the creature trailed his hand along your spine.

Gloved fingers ventured down to where the material pooled under your breasts. If you sat up, the entire top would fall down to your hips. You closed your eyes, squeezing them shut as tightly as possible to where flashes of red threatened the edges of darkness. It was not the breath of the monster from your childhood that you felt. Nor was it Kylo Ren’s breath; his mask was covering that mouth. The mask that touched between your shoulder blades. In this close proximity, you could hear him breathing. You waited, wishing that breathing would stop.

If you yanked your foot back onto the bed, the monster should not have been able to touch you. But it was already lying with you—behind you, against you. Its body pressed more firmly against yours. You trembled.

How you _despised_ that you were quivering in anticipation of his next actions. In disgust. Self-loathing. How could your body have reacted that way?

You were not entirely naïve, not as Kylo Ren had implied. Your training had allowed you to know that one’s own body was such a traitorous fiend. You could not allow him to break you that way. It was your mind he was after. Your willpower. Even when he was able to control you, he could not fully bend you to his will. The creature had been incapable of tearing from you the true secrets he desired.

 _He’ll consume you if you let him,_ your mind informed you. The voice that spoke was from when you had been younger; a small, terrified child. The same voice that had told your parents: _It’s gonna eat me!_

“You may be terrified.” You wanted to tell him that you were not. You were _not_! Yet if you spoke—what would actually slip past your lips when his finger skimmed along the edges of your sorry excuse for a dress? Your heart hiccupped in your chest as you waited. Always waiting. Ready to brace yourself against whatever act the creature committed. “If you could see behind my mask…you _would_ be.”

And there the monster felt silent—but it did not leave you.

_Fleeting caresses in the depths of night,_   
_Comes the creature that leaves you terrified;_   
_So small and scared, don’t you cry nor plea—_   
_Those noises only fill the creature with glee._


	3. Chapter 3

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Three: Faceless Creature :: Unmasked Man

[Chapter Warnings: mentions of past sexual assault; mentions of sexual harassment; briefly described sexual assault]

_One night, my child, you wept with me;  
We mourned the monsters that had fled;  
They feared, sweet one, all humanity—  
For not even they could instill such dread._

You were not entirely sure if it was still night or early morning when you awoke. The room you were in lacked a window. The creature behind you sounded as though he was breathing evenly, as though he was asleep. You glanced down at your sorry excuse for clothing. He had never pulled the top back over your chest, which remained bare. With a snarl, you turned over in bed. Kylo Ren was lying on his back, his chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm. With your hands still chained and mittened, you knew you would be unable to do much damage with them. Likewise, you could not seize his jugular with your teeth; they were blocked not only by the rubber seal, but by the muzzle as well. That left you with limited choices. If you attempted to use your knee to press down on his throat, he could easily flip you off of him.

Thus you eased yourself closer to him. You fought off the urge to gag as you pressed your body into his, rolling on top of him. You pressed your head towards his throat, attempting to push the hard surface of your skull into his windpipe. Underneath you, the creature stirred. Kylo Ren wove an arm around your waist. “How affectionate,” he drawled. Whether he mistook your actions for nuzzling or was purposely mocking you, you were uncertain. Either way, his words struck as though he had dealt a physical blow. You froze atop him. You were waiting for him to do something—anything—yet he simply laid there.

Despite that you knew that it was in no way your fault that this creature had taken advantage of you, his words made you feel ill at ease. As though, somehow, it _had_ been your fault. Perhaps you provoked him. He had dug for a weakness to break you—why did you continue to resist him? So many others in the Resistance broke under lesser circumstances, the creature had said so himself.

Your lungs felt as though they were burning. You had been holding your breath, you realized. His arm around you—the creature was holding onto you, and you wanted to _die_.

You thought of your mother, of her face. It had been so long since you had seen her. Next of your father. Your thoughts lingered here for longer. Father. _Dad…_ Your toes twitched back and forth. Each breath you took, you held onto it for several seconds before exhaling.

Beside you, the creature remained awake. His breathing failed to return to that level pace. You imagined storybooks you had read as a child, holonovels; all the pictures of the monsters therein. What sort of terrifying creature lived beneath the mask? You had, in your own way, been a monster hunter. The righter of wrong; defending children from the war by slaying those who would drag them into it. These monsters with their cruel weapons. This one had managed to catch you.

 _Once upon a time, when I was a child…_ Stories began like that. _Once upon a time, there was a monster._ Yet people could put down stories, whether they had finished reading them or not. They could escape the monster at any time they wanted or needed to.

 _How do I escape this monster? I can’t escape this._ The tears were scalding, stinging the corners of your eyes and wetting your lashes. _Daddy, I didn’t want this. It hurts…_ The throbbing between your legs. Your torn hymen, the orgasm that had been forced upon you only increasing your discomfort both physically and mentally—emotionally. _It hurts so bad, but if I scream then he wins…_

How **dare** he have labeled your meager attempt to harm him as _affectionate_.

Kylo Ren unwound his arm from you long enough to pull the blanket over your exposed chest and shoulders. You ground your rubber-capped teeth together once more. Now that hot rage was fueling you anew, the tears began to die away. It was repulsive, this creature committing an act as though he truly cared whether or not you were cold. After what he had done to you—!

The throbbing made itself known as a fresh wave of pain shot through your body. It was due to this wave that you realized how _hurt_ and _exhausted_ you were. There would be no battles you could win in this condition. Not even the fight of keeping conscious for much longer.

In the morning, you were returned to the cell, where once more you were shackled with your arms stretched to your sides. Two ‘troopers came in; one held an IV and the other what appeared to be a nutritional shake. It was your choice which method you would receive nutrients. Chagrined, you obediently opened your mouth and allowed them to put the straw through your muzzle. In this way were you fed for the following—you were not certain how many—days.

They shackled you often; sometimes in order to clean the cell, other times to take off the mittens so that your skin could breathe, and also times for the purpose of bathing you via a cloth, soap and tub of water. It sickened you that it was one their duties to shave you as well. You felt _disgusting_ when they did so. Your feet were strapped down so that you could not make any sudden movements that would cause the razor to cut you.

The shakes hardly had enough nutrients for you to be in any condition to fight back. It was only enough to keep you alive. Some of the ‘troopers bathing you took the liberty of fondling and groping you. You bit back the tears and angry cries each time this occurred. What was worse was when one would get bored or upset with your lack of a reaction. The wet cloth was placed over your face, the bathwater poured atop it so that you were gasping for air and coughing up the liquid.

Earlier that morning, you had been bathed once more. This time it had been seen fit to also wash your hair, which had dried since then. Instead of redressing you in the usual, laughable outfit, you had been threatened with another session of water boarding should you refuse to cooperate with pulling on the clothing that had been brought. They needn’t have threatened you; you were only too glad to pull on the black long-sleeve shirt—they offered no bra—and the panties as well as shorts that hardly concealed anything at all. Still, the outfit was much preferable to the old one.

It was when the mittens were alternated with different gloves—ones that allowed you to use your fingers, though still were long enough to prevent you from opening a vein, and ones that you were unable to remove on your own—and the muzzle was kept off that you were suddenly not sure whether you should appreciate the change in attire. Boots were slipped onto your feet. You prodded the rubber coating your teeth with your tongue; this you would be unable to remove on your own. You were led outdoors, where you had to squint despite the fact that it was overcast. You were more accustomed to the darkness and fake lighting.

A shove sent you stumbling forward. Looking over your shoulder, you perceived those who had taken you outside leaving you. A cold feeling crept into your gut; dread. You suddenly _knew_ what was occurring. You were being released for sport.

Still, you had better use of your hands now. You glanced down at those limbs. Your broken finger, though not fully healed, was able to be moved with less pain than previous. That in mind, you took your first hesitant step towards a line of trees. A second step then a third. In no time, you were running, doing what you could to disappear into your surroundings as you crossed the line of trees. All the same, you were searching for something you could use as a weapon against the creature that would be pursuing you.

The first chance you received, you ducked into an area that offered you shading from anyone who might be following you. It was there that you tried to catch your breath. You had not realized exactly how weak you had been kept until that moment; your stamina was almost nonexistent. Reaching to the side, you grabbed a fallen branch. It seemed thick enough to be able to do some damage, though it was not quite the weapon for which you had been hoping.

At the sound of a twig snapping, you tensed before balling yourself more tightly. You shifted your legs slowly so that you would be able to spring out of your hiding place; be it to attack or run. A step closer. Your heart raced in your chest, blood pulsing in your ears while you attempted to keep your breathing level. The very moment a shadow started to fall upon you, you whipped up, quickly twisting in an attempt to strike the creature over the head—one of his gloved hands, however, easily caught the stick. He tore it from your hands, causing a cry to rise from your lips, and chucked it out of reach.

Without saying a word to you, his visor pointed at your face, the creature took a step closer. You scrambled backwards, your wide gaze on Kylo Ren. “A rather rude guest.”

“I…” You paused, your legs feeling as though they were locking up. It took you more than a single second to realize this was the doing of the creature before you. The weight of the Force kept you from running, from moving further away from him; however, the weight was not comparable to previous times he had frozen you. “I’m a _prisoner_. Guest suggests I’m here willingly.”

The weight upon your body increased, and you found yourself pushed to your knees. You glared at the creature from your position on the ground. Kylo Ren chuckled. “You’re so right.” He stepped closer to you, one of his gloved hands resting atop your head. You did not say or do anything; not that you could do anything with the way he had you trapped with the Force. The hand shifted, Kylo Ren caressing your face, drawing a line down to your lips. “You killed twelve officers. No mere foot soldiers. You’ve done more damage than most those in the Resistance—nearly as much as the pilots have accomplished.” Your eyes searched the expressionless mask. You wondered if this was another reason he was punishing you for surviving.

“The First Order will _fall_ ,” you said with much conviction.

Kylo Ren’s hand left your face—only to return, the creature backhanding you. Your head snapped to the side, and blood leaked from your split lip. You ran your tongue over the injury, wincing at the sting the action brought. The leather was placed once more on the side of your face, the creature turning you so that he could peer down into your countenance. “You’ve been deceived…taught lies upon lies… Your general is the greatest liar of all.” At the mention of General Organa, you dropped your eyes from the mask. You recalled full well what had happened when it was first discovered she was the daughter of Darth Vader. What had happened since. That had not lessened the truth to her words, to the cause of the Resistance.

“We will not submit to the tyranny of the First Order.” Amusement from the creature in the form of a chuckle. All that he had done to you, that he had forced you to endure, returned in full force. “You resort to such inhumane actions, vile creature.”

Your captor trailed the very tips of his fingers from the side of your jaw up the corner of your eye. You were forced to blink then squint at this minor irritant. He pushed aside the front of his robe, his hand caressing the front of his pants while the leather-clad limb that was on your face rubbed up and down. You lifted your eyes then dropped them again. The outdoors appeared to make a difference on the effect you had on him; he was hardening at his touch, at touching you. “You’re _disgusting_ ,” you hissed.

Kylo Ren moved his pants aside, withdrawing his half-hard cock from the confines of the material. Your breathing immediately accelerated to the point that you feared you would hyperventilate. With quick flicks of his wrist, he was working himself faster and faster, his cock hardening fully. It was then that he paused. “You can’t stop looking…” Heat spread across your features at his teasing, at the truth to his words. You had never been so close to an aroused man in this fashion—and the sight of his cock did prove that he was a man. Human. His nature was still that of a monster. “Would you like a taste?”

“Gross.” You wrinkled your nose. “You’re gross.” He was playing with some of the skin around the head, pulling it back, pushing it forward again. Teasing himself without making any move that would cause him to ejaculate. Kylo Ren chuckled at your expense, wrapping his hand more firmly around his cock and starting to jerk himself again. “ _Depraved_.”

“Mm. Am I?” You paled; he was getting off on your insults. Trembling, you closed your mouth and swallowed down anything else you had planned to say. “Don’t you remember how good it feels—to cum?” You shuddered at the memory of your orgasm. He used the Force to catch you off-guard and from there once more took advantage of you. What was, for you emotionally, was that you broke when he moved to fully take you. You begged him to stop. The result was instantaneous. He paused, pulling back before crawling up the length of your body. He straddled your chest and soon his semen was on your face as you sobbed.

No longer were you bound by the Force, and so you turned onto your side and curled into a ball as best you could. The man—what a despicable _man_ , if that he could be called—pulled your clothes back on after he adjusted himself. He then rose and stepped away. You could hear his boots crunching the foliage nearby. You tucked the heel of your hand into your sleeve, wiping at your face and trying to rid yourself of his essence.

After a time, Kylo Ren returned to your side. There he lowered himself onto one knee, drew aside your hair, and caressed, with his knuckles, down the first few inches of your spine. “Don’t! Don’t you dare touch me!” You jerked yourself to the side, however failed to break the contact between your body and his hand.

“Defeated so easily.” You hissed, turning onto your back and lunging for him. Your hands went for his throat, your fingers successfully wrapping around it. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, wound his arm around your waist and pulled you even closer. This had you faltering in your attempt to do him harm. “Ah, so there is fight left in you, little tooke.” He took you into his arms. His grip was tight, indicating that you would not be able to resist him even if you tried. You stared at his throat as he carried you back into the building. When he entered his quarters, he deposited you on the bed and then moved to secure the room so that you could not leave.

It was when these tasks were accomplished that the man walked over to a chair, the back of which was facing you. He lowered himself into the seat, sitting forward. You watched from behind as he reached up, the helmet releasing a light hiss as the latches were released. You glowered at the back of his head, at the darkly colored locks of hair that were revealed. That was all you could see of him, and yet it was a punch in the gut still. A slap in the face; another reminder that another human—that a sentient being in general—was doing these things to you.

Kylo Ren leaned back in his chair, reclining with his arms on the armrests. You remained on the bed, your knees drawn up towards your chest and your arms wrapped around your legs. A knock on the door was the only thing that caused you to startle. Kylo Ren raised a hand as he rose from the chair, and you found yourself pinned where you were. You eyed the mattress with a deep frown. Your captor walked to the door, opening it, and then closing it once more. You could smell the food instantly. It wasn’t anything like what you had been being fed. It was real food. Your mouth watered at the scent, and you cursed the man for having you there.

Rather than return to the chair as you had believed he would, Kylo Ren sat on the bed beside you. You eyed the plate of food that he set in front of himself then allowed your gaze to travel, slowly, up his body to his face. You froze, feeling colder than ever. He had been correct in his words; _you_ were suddenly more afraid now that he did not have his mask. He was, in a way, attractive—but that wasn’t what struck you. It was how _young_ he was, how _innocent_ he looked despite his scowl. _This_ was the monster that caused so many deaths. And he did not look the part. You dropped your gaze to your feet.

In your peripheral, you watched as he lifted a bite to his lips. There was a juicy sort of slurp from him, which caused your stomach to grumble and your mouth to further salivate. He reached for another bite, and you stared at the morsel he lifted with want. Jealousy gripped at you when he took the third bite. The pressure of the Force had not left you, otherwise you would have made an attempt to grab some of the food for yourself. Kylo Ren licked the tip of his thumb then pinched another bite. This time it was some of the meat. He sucked the juices off of the piece before pushing the food into his mouth. You felt like crying, but you refused to break down again. You would _not_ beg him a second time.

You watched him grabbing another bite of the meat; this piece looked even juicier than the last. Thus, when he set it near your lips and traced around them before putting the bite into his mouth, you could not help but flick out your tongue to taste the wetness that had been left behind. Your bottom lip quivered. It had been a delicious taste, but that was all he seemed willing to give. Kylo Ren consumed another five bites of food before reaching to the side to seize his wine, which he sipped.

“You’re deplorable.”

He released a noise of thought. Kylo Ren considered you as he ate several bites more. “Perhaps, if you’re good, I will let you lick the plate.” You sneered, your lips curling so that your rubber-coated teeth were bared. This did nothing other than cause him amusement. He ate the remainder of his food without giving you a single bite. Your stomach protested loudly, and you hated it for that. Tracing a lone finger around the rim of the dish, your captor stared at you. Your eyes, meanwhile, were glued on the plate. There was a lot of juice left from the food he had eaten. You licked your lips at the thought of it, not even realizing what you were doing.

Kylo Ren dipped two fingers into the juices, dragging them across the plate so that they were coated, and then placed those two digits in front of your mouth. You wrinkled your nose, pulling your lips into your mouth and pressing down on them with your teeth. After waiting several more seconds, he slipped his fingers into his own mouth then rose, taking the plate with him. You squeezed your eyes shut, a sob wracking your frame as the man set the plate outside the door and once more sealed the room.

As you cried, Kylo Ren lifted the napkin that he had not taken out with the plate. This he wet with his tongue before scrubbing along your face. Your body was handed over to your control only when he had cleaned off the dried semen and discarded the napkin. You wiped at your face, hating the sensation of his spit that remained, hating that you wished you could go back a few minutes in time and lick his fingers. While you were wrapped up in these musings, the man retrieved a book from one of the drawers of his dresser. This he tossed onto the bed beside you prior to moving back to the chair. He sat down, quite as ever.

Your eyes darted to the volume, finding that it was one of the various handbooks of the First Order. You nudged it aside then glared at the back of the man’s head. He ignored you. You sat there watching him for several seconds before realizing he was meditating.

Tentatively, you rose from the bed. Your feet touched the cool ground, and you hesitated, merely standing there quietly. Then, rethinking your strategy, you half-knelt on the bed so that you could reach the book. This you picked up before quietly making your way to the man. You stood behind him, staring at the back of his head. You started to raise the book, angling it so that the spine could do at least _some_ damage when you— “Desperate, are we, tooke?” You faltered, the volume slipping from your grasp and falling with a _thud_ onto the floor. He waved a hand. “Educate yourself.”

“With these _lies_? I think not.”

“Then sit quietly on the bed. Unless you prefer the shackles and muzzle.” You reluctantly obeyed, walking back to the aforementioned furniture and climbing onto it. The entire time he meditated, you kept your eyes on him. Watching him, thinking of ways to kill him. Imagining him dying.

Your thoughts wandered once more to your family, to your childhood. You missed it, a sort of longing you doubted you had ever experienced before. _Let me go where monsters aren’t real._ The mocking way he had caressed you before and after he had forced himself into your mouth was a memory that _burned_ you to your core. It was as though he had been debating with himself—how deeply could he objectify you? He had managed to do it so well, had been able to commit himself to the task.

It was only when he rose that your thoughts returned to the present. “Are you hungry, little tooke?” You averted your eyes at the term he had adopted for you, at his taunting. Kylo Ren walked to the end of the bed, set his hands upon the mattress, and crawled up to you. You could not help but realize how much more like a predator he seemed.

He moved upwards until his mouth was level with your ear. You could feel his breath there, could smell it—could almost taste the meal he had eaten in front of you. You swallowed hard at the saliva that started to gather in your mouth. He lifted a hand, setting three fingers against your lips. You turned your head away, not allowing him to press those digits inside. Undeterred, Kylo Ren moved his hand down to your hip.

“How do you taste, little tooke?” Your eyes whipped to his face, which held an expression of mild curiosity. “Do you believe you’ll poison me if I taste you? Is your flesh toxic?” Your heart was racing in your chest again. It stuttered when the man leaned closer, flicking his tongue out, tracing the very tip along your cheek. “Perhaps a better taste…perhaps it’s only if I _eat_ you?” As he spoke, he drew down the clothes that were covering your lower anatomy. You fumbled to catch the clothing, however he simply ripped the articles out of your grasp. He spoke in a passive voice: “Spread your legs, little tooke”—and your mind knew nothing other than to obey.

When it was over, you jerked your legs towards the rest of your body and turned so as to block yourself from his view. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, a smirk upon his face. Kylo Ren rose from the bed, and you found you could not stop shaking. Your eyes went everywhere he did. When he moved to the door, you tensed up further. Then felt as though your mind was in a fog; a new tray of food—identical to what he had eaten, though of a smaller portion—had been brought. This he set in front of you while taking a seat next to you. He trailed a hand through your hair. You sat there, completely still, unsure what to do.

“You won’t be touched by them again, tooke.” It took you several seconds to realize he was referring to the fondling and groping you had received from the stormtroopers the last—how many days had it been? You furrowed your brow and tried to count it out. Beside you, Kylo Ren chuckled. “You don’t know how much time has passed, do you?” Your gaze darted to his face. “Eleven days since you were last here.”

What had changed in those eleven days, you wondered, to make him _want_ to touch you? If he knew about the fact that you had been responsible for the deaths of twelve officers, he had undoubtedly done research on you. Your skills as a fighter appeared to encourage his desire to force you to submit—so much so that it now elicited a sexual response from him.

Though your stomach growled, though the food smelled delicious and made your mouth water—the price of it had been him touching you. Had been him placing you in a submissive position. You turned away from it. “I’m not hungry.” He picked up one of the bites, rolling it around and staring at it speculatively.

“You won’t be given a second chance.”

Your eyes went back to the plate of food. It would hold more nutrients than one of those blasted shakes. Would possibly give you more energy with which to fight the man seated beside you. You swallowed down your pride, reached for a piece of meat, and took the first bite.

His eyes did not leave your face, which was terrifying—largely because his eyes, there was something almost _sympathetic_ in his eyes. Yet also something quite hungry; the creature that had tasted you lying there in wait. Your body had responded once more to him, to actions you did not desire. You nearly choked on the bite of food in your mouth, however forced away the thoughts and memories that were prompting such a reaction from you. You could not allow yourself to become too weak, could not let this creature win.

You reached down onto the plate, pinched a piece of meat between two fingers, and set it on your tongue. It fell apart easily. The juices from it were already slipping down your throat. The creature let his gaze travel to your mouth then back up to your eyes. He was observing you as one would an animal. Waiting to see what you would do next.

 _Please, look away._ He did not. He _would_ not. The same way you could not either. You were enemies; he was attempting to break you, and you were searching for a crack in his shield, a crack that could lead to you being able to _kill_ him.

_Fairytale lands, they fade away,_   
_When the real monsters come out to play;_   
_So let us hide, and together stay,_   
_Or else it shall be us the monsters slay._


	4. Chapter 4

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**

Chapter Four: Compassion is a Foreign Taste

[Chapter Warnings: attempted murder; assault; vomiting; mentions of attempted suicide; mind control; mentions of noncon; forced to share a shower; dubcon/sexual coercion that is shown but has build up so you can skip if you are uncomfortbale]

_Who said life was going to be easy?_  
My child, that is simply a lie.  
For to live will be the hardest thing ever,  
And the simplest is to die.

You were reluctantly obedient as the plate was taken away from you, as the man returned to his chair and fell into a state of meditation. You had pulled your clothes back on, tiptoed over to where the book remained on the floor, and brought it back onto the bed with you. Skimming through the pages, you tried to appear as though you were reading when in reality you were scanning through the room. There were no weapons available to you. The only thing was—the ashes. You swallowed hard at the thought of using them. Yet it was so poetic. He burned his enemies—and you would make him suffocate on their remains.

 _I slay monsters,_ you reminded yourself. You could not help but think of a story your father used to tell you at night before bed. It was when he had learned of the tale traveling amongst the children, the story of the monster under the bed.

_“Why do you think monsters are real?” he had asked you, patient as ever. You had then responded to him a small voice. You told your father how you could feel the creature’s breath. That it came so close to snatching you each night. “If monsters are real, so then are those who slay them.”_

_“Are you a monster slayer?” you inquired. Your father had smiled patiently at you._

_Once upon a time, he said to you, there were no monsters. Nor were there any heroes. People of all species simply were. Then one discovered power—“The Force?” you asked, interrupting him; your father nodded, though he continued to speak all the while—and more coveted what they could not have. Power was never meant to corrupt, my child; yet those who wielded it unknowingly drew fear and jealousy into the hearts of others. The power could be used for the greater good, or for great evil._

_Another grew to learn the power, to be able to wield it. He manipulated those who were jealous of him, convincing them that he would be their servant if only they performed tasks that could make him stronger. One such task was eliminating the first to know the power._

_How blindly people obey when they are afraid, when they are jealous—when they do not understand something. You are correct, my child, that there are monsters. But those who wear the guise of a friend are the most terrifying creature of all._

It was this exact reason that the unmasked Kylo Ren terrified you so.

_Those who slay monsters do so at a great cost. One that can never fully be understood by those they protect. You must lose a piece of yourself to take a life. While you are saving countless others, you are still the one to have that choice—do you chance mercy, or do you give into the fear of the creature? You blacken your heart for the greater good. There is very little black and white in the profession of slaying monsters. It is gray and ugly. It is not beautiful, it is far from glorious._

_Those who slay monsters choose to be ugly, and in this they are the most beautiful. They live in pain, my child—a pain that cannot be fully seen. They bear it all on their shoulders, the weight of the world. And when at last their time comes, it is then that we see their true beauty—the expression of pure rapture as their burden is removed._

_“Dying isn’t pretty!” you had shrieked._

_Your father smiled fondly at you. “That is precisely the point, my dear. Dying is not pretty, and neither is killing. It is ugly. Monsters kill, and so we think them ugly. Monster slayers also kill—and that is why they sometimes find their own death to be such a mercy, so beautiful. Because that means they no longer have to observe that ugliness, no longer commit it.” You had then curled up further against your father as you sat in his lap. Your mind tried to comprehend all that he had said._

_“You’re not ugly, daddy.” A soft sigh from him. What was he to say? To deny being a monster slayer would likely cause your childish fears to return. And so he merely wrapped his arms around you, holding onto you with the knowledge that, one day, the weight of his words would truly become something you bore._

It was agonizing, waiting for night to arrive. You were taken to the refresher a handful of times so that you could relieve yourself. Otherwise you remained on the bed, your eyes darting from the canister of ashes to the book and back. Every so often you would stare at your captor. He not once looked your way. When he did climb into bed, you acted the part of being exhausted and covered yourself with his blankets. You laid with your back to him, much as you had the previous time he had brought you to his quarters. This time, however, he did not endeavor to touch you, to run a hand along your spine. He merely laid there quietly until you could hear his breath coming out more evenly. You slowly turned onto your opposite side, and found yourself staring at his face as he slept. Never would anyone suspect that that face belonged to a monster.

_Not all monsters are ugly, dad…and that’s terrifying._

You pushed your legs behind yourself, shifting out of bed with no haste so that you did not waken him. You rose onto your toes, making quiet work of crossing the room. You arrived at the canister then paused. Listening, you ensured that he had not stirred. You then slipped your hand into the ashes. It was, for you, a horrifying experience. These were your comrades. Not even properly buried or burned— _collected_ for Kylo Ren’s amusement. Well, you thought, let that be the death of him. You curled your fingers around a generous handful of the ashes, turned, and tiptoed back to the bed.

You climbed onto it just as slowly as you had left it. The man did not stir. Licking your lips, you peered down at his face. His mouth was not open, which you had hoped it would be. You glanced at his nose. That alone wouldn’t do. Seizing your bottom lip with your teeth, you edged even closer to his slumbering form. You parted your teeth so that you could purse your lips. A light stream of air escaped you, washing over his mouth. In his sleep, Kylo Ren’s lips parted from one another. You immediately placed your hand over his mouth, sprinkling in some of the ashes before flattening your palm against both his mouth and nose.

With a cough, the man’s eyes shot open. He sat up in bed, his hand flying out, and you found yourself thrown across the room. You hit the opposite wall with a thud, the impact knocking the wind out of you. Kylo Ren hooked his fingers, and you gasped out in pain. All the while he coughed, choking up the ashes that had managed to slide down his throat.

With a snarl, he rose from the bed and flexed his fingers. Your body was dragged by the will of the Force to him, his outstretched hand encircling your throat. He squeezed, eliciting a whimper from you. Kylo Ren walked, you in his grasp, to the canister of ashes. It was there that he relinquished his hold on your throat in favor of seizing the back of your neck—in this manner he shoved your face into the collection of ashes. He held you down there. Ashes entered your lungs with every breath, through your nose and your mouth alike. You wheezed, feeling as though you were going to suffocate. Your lungs were starting to burn, your eyes watering in pain. The ashes clung to your flesh and lips.

Being thrown to the ground was a small mercy, one that was not long lived. His foot collided with your stomach. You bunched up, crying and yelling in pain. He did not strike you in such a way again; instead, the man stepped over you partway, lowering himself so that he was kneeling above you directly over your chest. One of his hands found your face, your jaw. He squeezed so hard you heard a pop, which prompted you to quickly open your mouth before it was dislocated. Kylo Ren shoved three of his fingers inside, all the way to your throat. You gagged around the digits, which seemed to only encourage his behavior. He pressed even further, far enough and for long enough until you felt your stomach churn. As he withdrew his hand, you were turning onto your side again in order to vomit. Everything you had eaten that was not fully digested came up. You sobbed, vomit and spittle hanging from your mouth.

“How foolish,” he said passively, his voice hoarse. “The Resistance and its false ideals.”

The words wrapped around you like a vice. _To truly break someone, your father had said when you were older, you need only attack their beliefs, their culture and religion. They will then destroy themselves by attempting to defend it. People feed on desperation, on prolonging it. A man will cry out for the sake of justice, and what shall meet him in return is the laughter and coos of his enemy._

How you longed to scream at him despite this. It would give him such pleasure—yet how could you not defend everything you stood for? This man perverting it. Demonizing it.

_He’s taken my body. I can’t let him have my mind._

Your silence was not in submission to the man. You simply needed to delay your next attack, lest he defeat you entirely.

In little time, two stormtroopers entered Kylo Ren’s quarters. They seized you and dragged you away, back to the wretched cell. You were sprayed with a hose of sorts, rinsed in this manner, and then redressed in your old attire. Once more did you have to endure the mittens and muzzle. You lowered yourself onto the table-like bed and sat there. Waiting.

You guesstimated that three days elapsed; during which you received, each day, two of the shakes to keep you alive, and were bathed with a cloth one other time. It was on the fourth day that Kylo Ren entered your cell. He said nothing to you. He merely stood there, watching you for several minutes before leaving. The following day you awoke from a small nap to find him squatting in the center of the cell. Once more he was observing you, his head tilted to the side. He rose upon seeing you were awake, and you were left alone in the cell. Four more days he came to you without saying a word. And then you did not see him again.

You sat there, blinking and wondering exactly how you felt about the fact that you were anticipating his coming. It was not something you necessarily desired, however it did prove to be, well, expected. Thus when he did not arrive for two more days, you feared that you had thrown away your chance to kill him. You would rot in this cell, of no help to the Resistance; no chance of escaping his clutches. And he did not even have the decency to kill you quickly. Oh, you tried to find ways to harm yours. You bashed your head against a wall, blood trickling down your forehead when the stormtroopers entered and pulled you away. You were now chained by your ankle to a small stake that had been plunged into the center of the room. Your makeshift toilet had been brought closer. When it came to sleeping, you had to endure the ground.

Trying to bash your face in on the ground had resulted in you being given a sedative. You had slept for a long while, and when you finally blinked your eyes open, you knit your brow. The ceiling was different. That was the first thing you noticed. The second was that your ankle was freed from the chain—there was no chain, you realized. You looked up from your leg, your eyes focusing in the dark. Someone was watching you; sitting upon a chair and watching you.

His helmet was on; it had been every time he visited you. As though you were no longer permitted to see his face after attacking him in such a manner. No robes, you noted, your eyes sweeping along his frame. You slipped up onto your elbows while you laid there on the ground. Kylo Ren straightened his posture.

If your math was correct, it had been thirteen days since you had last been in his quarters. You had been away from the Resistance, had been a prisoner, for over twenty days. Just shy of a month. You knew you would be considered dead by those at the various bases. Your allies had likely mourned your death similar to the way they mourned the others. You were not dead, however. Not in the sense they believed. Oh, little pieces of you died each day you were forced to live. And the man across from you seemed to always be watching as you faced those deaths. You lowered yourself back into a recumbent position.

“Little tooke.”

“Creature,” you said in return.

There was a pause, a moment of silence as, perhaps, he considered what you had called him. Then Kylo Ren moved his hand, and you found yourself forced up onto your knees then your feet. “You will walk to me.” You obeyed, unable to fight the influence of the Force, especially in your weakened state. Kylo Ren made another gesture, and the shackles fell off your wrists. They clattered to the ground noisily, the chain along with them. He seized the mittens, removing them, and then sat back. “Why do you still fight, little tooke?”

“I slay monsters,” you whispered, the words slipping off your tongue though your mind was not yet fully your own. Kylo Ren’s shoulders rose and fell as he breathed and stared at you. He repeated the term _monsters_ as though trying it out. “You wear a mask so that you won’t even have to see yourself. The ugliness.”

“Ugly? And what of you, tooke?”

You thought of your father’s words. You were not dead yet, and thus there was only one thing you _could_ be. “I am ugly too.”

Kylo Ren’s power washed over you in a stronger wave. You were frozen in place, unsure what to do. That was of little importance, however, when his index finger twitched. “Strip for me.” You obeyed his every command, influenced by the Dark side of the Force, as for the first time he had you in full. “You seemed to enjoy yourself, little tooke.” You moved to slap him, your hand weakly hitting the metal helmet he wore. It did _you_ more damage than him; your hand stung, and he hardly seemed fazed. He lifted you off of him, setting you on the ground and rising while tucking his cock away. “Such a pretty sight.”

Your legs were wobbly, and you found yourself collapsing forward. You seized one of the arms to the chair to keep from falling completely. “How…how could you?” You felt as though your chest were constricting. You lowered yourself onto your knees, resting your forehead against the edge of the armchair. “How could you make me do something like that? You’re _disgusting_! You _monster_!”

“The first officer you shot; Colonel Riggards. Aged forty-three. Widowed with two children…orphans now, tooke. You orphaned two children with a single death. There are still eleven others.”

“You’re one to talk… You’ve left _countless_ orphans in the wake of your actions.”

“Hmm—are you going to be obedient, or shall I send you back to your cell for them to spray you there?” He was clearly bored with the previous topic and had no interest in your input on it. The new topic caught you off guard initially, however you eyed him warily as you understood he was intending to clean you. “Should you attack me, I will break three of your fingers.”

You grit your teeth, pushed yourself back onto your feet, and took a cautious step in his direction. Kylo Ren turned, walking towards the refresher. You followed him, catching your reflection in the mirror when the light was turned on. You had lost weight. This you had already suspected when the stormtroopers had had to replace your previous outfit with a new, albeit smaller, one of the same design. You crossed your arms over your chest. Your eyes followed him when he walked to the toilet, of which he lifted the lid. The man gestured towards it then moved to the shower, adjusting it to the settings he preferred.

It unnerved you that he was aware of your need to urinate. All the same, you had no intention of pissing yourself when there was a toilet right there. Either way he would see you pee, you reasoned. Thus you sat down, used the toilet, and then wiped yourself. By this time, Kylo Ren had proceeded to strip out of his clothing, his helmet and garments set on the counter. It sickened you that he was apparently going to be in the shower with you.

“Get in.” You were nearly taken aback that you did not immediately obey him. So, you thought, you had control over your own body right then. You stepped into the shower, feeling the spray hit you. After being hosed down or else bathed with a simple cloth, the sensation was amazing. You closed your eyes, doing what you could to ignore the fact that Kylo Ren had stepped into the shower behind you and closed the door.

He touched your forehead, over the spot where there was still a slight egg from when you had attempted to crack your skull open. You winced at his touch, thankful when he lowered his arm and his hand returned to his side, out of your sight. From what you had seen of his physique, you knew he was well toned. And the sight of yourself—he could easily take you down even without having to use the Force.

The next time you felt him touching you, it was through a washcloth, which he had soaped up. He ran the cloth along your back, scrubbing you. Your teeth chattered, the rubber coating them causing the sound to be much different than in the past. He washed your back—his touch lingered near the scar that was developing from the exit wound of the lightsaber—your arms, your neck. You stood there, pretending you were anywhere else. His hand moved to your front, where he proceeded to clean your chest, your stomach, and next your legs. He washed you completely, and you endured it—his threat repeated itself in your mind, a reminder to not attempt to hit him right then. He gathered soap into his hands, smoothing the facial wash over your countenance then allowing it to rinse away.

Kylo Ren grabbed the shampoo and conditioner. His fingers in your hair, massaging your scalp, left you with a strange feeling. It was not only disgust, but also a sort of tingling that had you questioning whether or not this moment was real. Perhaps you were imagining it, having a nightmare. But you did not wake up—you were already awake, you told yourself.

When he was finished washing you, the man proceeded to do the same to himself. Upon finishing this, he moved so that the spray was against his back, his body facing yours. You kept your eyes on the sidewall, staring at a random spot while enduring his stare. “Do I need to return you to your cell, or will you be good tonight?” You did not know how to respond. This man had just forced you to have sex with him—a large part of you wanted to get away from him. Yet the thought of a bed again…

“You should lock me up,” you said, knowing full well you would not be able to resist the urge to do him harm if you received the chance. “I slay monsters like you. That is my job.”

He shut off the water without responding to you. After wrapping a towel around his waste, he handed you one with which to dry yourself. You started to do so slowly, relishing these last few moments of false freedom. He exited the refresher before you were done.

Hearing what sounded to be the clinking of a chain, you left the bathroom as well. You paused in the doorway to his room, your heart sinking. Kylo Ren, dressed in a pair of pants, had started to wrap the chain around a part of his headboard, lessening the amount of slack that would be there. He was not returning you to your cell as you had hoped; he was instead locking you up in a different manner. “You will dress in my shirt then sit on the bed while I chain you.” You walked over to where he had lain out one of the aforementioned articles of clothing. It hung past your hips when you put it on, hardly covering you. You climbed onto the bed, offering him your hands. Kylo Ren secured the mittens onto you, the chain giving you only a few inches to move while your arms remained above your head.

As you regained control over yourself, you eyed the man, who had retrieved the muzzle from the ground. This he stared at for a number of seconds before turning to you. You were seated on the pillow, your legs curled off to the side, and your head resting against the wall that was directly above the headboard. He carried the muzzle with him as he came to the bed, where he sat beside you. Not long thereafter, a droid entered the room. It had with it a covered tray, a flute of wine, and a glass of water. You could smell the food, which caused your stomach to growl. After setting the tray of food on the bed in front of Kylo Ren, the droid left. There was no need to punch in a code; you were stuck where you were.

Kylo Ren lifted the lid from the tray. The dish looked expensive. Delicious. He picked up his fork, stabbed one of the vegetables and then, surprising you, he set it against your lips. You parted your lips, allowing him to slide the food into your mouth. He withdrew the fork while you chewed, stabbed another bite, and this one he took into his own mouth. The meat was something tougher, of a consistency that you would not be able to chew given the seal over your teeth. You eyed him enviously when he took a piece into his mouth and started to chew on it. Yet he did not swallow. Instead, Kylo Ren slipped two fingers into his mouth, pinched the meat, and dipped it into the sauce. He set the chewed up bite near your lips, watching you and waiting.

It was a blow to your pride, however you opened your mouth all the same to receive the bite. Your body was starved for nutrients. The meat was delicious, juicy and flavorful. You found yourself eyeing Kylo Ren greedily each time he took a bite. Some he chewed for the purpose of feeding you, while others he swallowed for himself. On these latter occasions, your eyes would begin to narrow in jealousy. The vegetables you were able to chew on your own whenever he gave you a bite. Kylo Ren took a sip of his wine before setting the rim of the water glass at your lips. You opened your mouth and drank when he tilted the cup so that some water poured into your mouth.

The two of you ate without a word to one another. When the plate was emptied and the two drinks fully drained, the droid returned and took the dishes away. Once the door was closed, your captor raked his eyes along your body. “You’re too thin.” He tugged at the collar of the shirt you wore then touched along your collarbone, which was too visible for your liking. “Would you like regular meals?” Your eyes ran along his face—what was he getting at? His lips twitched into a smirk. “Open your legs for me, and I will ensure you are fed meals like what you received tonight.”

You stared at him. “W…what?” He ran his tongue along his lips, and that was all you needed to know what his intentions were. “N-no.”

“You sound unsure.” You had, in fact, phrased that single word quite like a question. If you allowed him to have his fill, you would be fed—and if you were fed, you would have the strength to later resist him. You squeezed your eyes closed, unable to look at him, as you moved your shaky legs to the side, spreading them. “Mm.” He was moving, you could hear him, could feel the mattress shifting as Kylo Ren climbed between your legs. He lifted the shirt up out of his way and buried himself in you.

You turned your head so that you were able to bury your face against your chained arms as his tongue plunged into you. His tongue was long—you had nearly forgotten about its length until it was in you again, fucking you. You bit down on your arm, unable to do damage to yourself, in order to keep from making a noise.

“Look at me,” he said. You shook your head, not opening your eyes and not turning to him. “Do as I say or the deal is negated.” You glared at him. “Do you like this?” He ran the underside of his tongue from your clit to your perineum. You squirmed. “Do you, tooke?” Nostrils flaring, you wished you were allowed to look away from him. “Tell me.” He pursed his lips, blowing against you. You jumped at the sensation.

“I… I don’t like any—“

“I can look into your mind if I think you are lying, little tooke.” You swore multiple times in your head, outwardly giving a small nod and hating yourself for it. He repeated the action then did it in reverse, the top of his tongue running from your perineum to your clit. He sealed his lips around the small nub, sucking at you. When he drew back, he asked, “And that?” You gave another nod. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Tsch… Y-yes.” Kylo Ren turned his face, nuzzling your inner thigh then dragging his teeth along your flesh. He looked up at you. “I don’t…know.” He repeated the action, and you jumped at the contact. “Don’t.” He hummed before placing a kiss on top of your pussy, trailing back down to your entrance. He moved one of his hands, slipping a finger into you. Your leg twitched at the contact, bringing his gaze back to your face. “Can you just…just finish?”

“Should I add another finger?” Your heart stuttered, and you shook your head in the negative. Kylo Ren returned his stare to your lower lips. “You’re soft.” It had slipped your mind that all other times he had touched you, he had been wearing his gloves. It explained why his touches felt different to you. You started to turn away, remembered his words, and looked back down at him. He had begun moving his finger in and out of you. He withdrew his hand from you, climbed up your body, and slipped his thumb into your mouth. “Suck.” You obeyed, sucking for a few seconds until his pulled the digit out and moved back down your body. He slipped his finger into your again, using his saliva-slick thumb to rub against your clit.

“N…nnn…” He paused, his eyes wandering up to your face. You could feel your cheeks were hot, knew you were flushed as your arousal began to build. Kylo Ren moved his thumb once more, this time faster. Your mouth fell open, heavy breaths leaving you. Your toes twitched then curled. “F…ff…u…c…k.” He had started to lap at you, his eyes not leaving your face as he fucked you with his finger, teased your clit, and licked you. “St-stop!”

“You don’t want to cum?” He licked his lips immediately after asking the question, and you shuddered, trembling while staring down at him through your tears. “Fine.” This time when he climbed up your body, he slid his pants down, lined himself up with you, and thrust inside. His face was level with yours as he started to fuck you. This was perhaps worse; your already-stimulated clit brushed against his flesh with every thrust. Your legs shook, thighs pressed towards one another, digging into his hips. “You feel good.”

_On one of your earlier missions, the weapon of your partner had backfired, blowing off half his face. You had been forced to shoot him with your own weapon to quicken his death, to be merciful._

He set his lips against your cheek. Not kissing you, merely resting his mouth there. His eyelashes fluttered against your flesh. “Tooke.” His hips had stilled, but you could still feel his hardened member inside you. Gritting your teeth, you turned your head to meet his gaze. “It’ll hurt if you aren’t aroused.” You looked up towards the headboard with your eyes alone. Swallowing, you waited. Kylo Ren began moving again, and this time you did not retreat into your more horrific memories to stop your body from responding to his touches. He came inside you before rolling onto his back. He fixed his pants, meanwhile you were left with the bottom half of your body bared.

“I hate you.” You had whispered the words, but made certain they were loud enough so that he could hear them. You could feel his cum slipping out of your body. It was _repulsive_ and left you feeling sullied all over again. Perhaps that was exactly _why_ he ejaculated inside of you. “Did you hear me…Creature?” You looked over at him, your breath hitching when you found that he was watching you. His expression was unreadable. “I hate you,” you tried again.

“Did you think killing me would be easy?” Confusion crossed your features. “A simple shot… Saying that I was your target—it was a death sentence, and you readily took it.”

“Just because something is unlikely doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying.”

“There you go—speaking of hope. Do you still hold hope that you will one day be freed? That you will escape?” His eyes dropped from yours to your lips. “You do… You think about it, how you will inform the Resistance of anything you may learn. Such childish thoughts. Foolish. Careless. You have no means of escape—you don’t even know where you are. You’re not a pilot.

“No, you’re simply a rookie who happens to be a decent shot. And so the Resistance decided to send you my way. They practically gift wrapped you for me. I’m only too happy to indulge.” You were again trembling, this time in anger. “You still refuse to accept that you’ve lost.”

“As long as I’m alive, I’ll never stop fighting.”

“To everyone you know, you’re already dead.” Tears spilled down your cheeks. “They’re moving on from your small, meaningless existence.”

“D-d-damn you!”

“Such an obstinate creature.” He lifted a hand, using the back of it to brush your side. “You fear to be touched so deeply, in more ways than one. You fear compassion. You fear empathy.”

“You’re incapable of those feelings, what do you care?” you snarled.

“I have no compassion for enemies of the First Order, this is true,” he stated passively. “But I know them. Compassion and empathy. Useless sentiment.”

“So instead you just rape me. You get off on torturing me. You’re worse than an animal.”

“Do you think I should feel for you?” he asked with an amused grin. “I respect your tenacity…but I will crush you. The Resistance _will_ bow to the First Order.”

“I will _never_ bow to you.”

“Simply let me _fuck_ you for food?” He chuckled breathily, and you recoiled at his words. To cry out in despair while protesting his statements would leave you feeling only foolish. There could be no victory. “You have already begun to submit to me, little tooke. In time, you’ll see.”

“My body means nothing to me,” you whispered, though in some ways you wished this was far truer than it actually was. This time Kylo Ren did not laugh at you. “You think you can use it to break me, don’t you? Even when you force me to be under your control—I’m never truly under your control. Or else you could take the information you wanted…whatever it is.”

“You want to give up and die, tooke,” he stated. You released a ragged breath, your jaw trembling as you turned your head away. “Are you so desperate?”

“ _You_ must be,” you returned, your voice more level than you had believed it would be. “Hiding behind your mask, lying to yourself that what you do is okay.”

Instead of responding to you, this time Kylo Ren averted his gaze. He stared up at the ceiling, and silence descended upon the room.

_“The most terrifying monsters,” your father had once told you, “are those who do not realize they are monsters.”_


	5. Chapter 5

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Five:With Less Resistance

[Chapter Warnings: mentions of harassment and torture; mentions of sexual assault; threats; physical assault; forced to share a shower; vomiting]

_The man turned monster still once was a man,  
And he knows the horrors of life as well as them,  
Sweet pleasures therein—but these he now steals._

True to his word, Kylo Ren ensured that you were fed regular meals despite the fact that you had been returned to your cell early the next morning. Days ticked by. You were chained to the stake in the center of the cell, kept somewhat sedated in order to prevent any more incidents of you attempting to bang your head against the floor. You could feel your strength slowly returning to you as you ate more of the meals. Four days. You could not help but wonder why it was Kylo Ren had not seen you again. Granted, it did seem to fall in line with your past experiences.

Six days. One of the stormtroopers handed you the washcloth this time while the other held a blaster pointed at your foot. They would not shoot to kill you; they would injure you. It was a point of frustration for you, however, as your strength returned, a part of you was thankful you had not died. You would find a way to kill Kylo Ren—or otherwise do something else to give the Resistance an edge on the First Order. You washed, shaved, and dressed yourself in the shirt they brought you. Kylo Ren’s shirt, you noted with distaste. Black panties, as always. The collar that was put around your neck was new. A mixture of black and red, a silver loop where you could be chained to something. No mittens this time.

When you were taken to the man’s quarters, you were chained to the bed by your collar. Two other chains ran from the headboard to your wrists, securing you in place. You reclined on the bed with your knees bent. The stormtroopers left, and you had to wait only a few minutes before the Knight entered the room. You kept your eyes on his movements. He was fully robed, something in his hand. You stared. A pit rolled around in your stomach when you observed him moving to the canister and dumping in fresh ashes.

“You’re not very welcoming,” he said, his modulated voice echoing in your head. His fingers trailed through the remains of your fallen comrades; you wondered _who_ it was that had met their end at his hands. Kylo Ren turned, watching you through his mask. You stared at that blackness with a renewed sense of frustration and rage. “I thought of you.” A twitch in your eye. Kylo Ren crossed the room to you. As he walked, he reached into his robe. Withdrawing his hand, you found that it was set into a fist, which bulged a little to indicate he was holding something.

He climbed onto the bed with you. You wondered how he managed this, thinking that the robe would inhibit his movements. The way he moved indicated that he was used to this obstacle, and he was able to work around it without issue. He reached up, his hand shifting your hair, tucking something into it—a snap revealed that he was putting a hair accessory on you.

“How many long-distance shooters do they have at their disposal? Two down in so short a time.” You could feel the meal you had eaten earlier churning in your gut. You wondered which of your fellow gunmen had met their end by his blade. It felt as though he was tracing whatever he had placed in your hair with this thumb. You bit back the urge to spit at him. “It would be wise of you to cooperate.”

Despite his words, the fight did not leave you entirely. He entered your head at one point to ensure that your body reacted, his taunting like daggers to your ears. When he used his lightsaber to cut you free from the chains, you were not afraid. Partway through, you managed to unlatch his helmet and remove it from his head, attempting to slam it back against his face to no avail. He stopped you by injuring your wrist. When it was over, he moved off of you then away. As he was no longer where you could reach him, could attempt to do him harm, you instead reached for your hair. You unclipped the accessory and brought it in line with your face. A little tooke hairclip. You snarled, throwing the item across the room and screaming in frustration and rage. Your wrist throbbed, and you rubbed at it simultaneous to turning so that you could locate the man. He had smoothed out the articles of his attire and was staring at you with a certain passiveness.

“I don’t exist for your amusement,” you said evenly. _He denies he’s a monster. Loathsome creature._ He said nothing, merely blinked and continued to stare. “What!?”

“You’re…passionate.” You were ready to refute this claim before remembering that hate was another form of burning passion. You looked to your side, at the helmet that was there. “In the throes of passion”—you knew and hated that he purposely phrased it this way—“you seem to have forgotten.” Kylo Ren strode over to you, and you found yourself shrinking in upon yourself. Fear started to grip at you. “What did I say would happen should you attack me?”

He leisurely took hold of your wrist, slipping his hand up until he was gripping your index, middle, and ring fingers. Your eyes widened as he began to apply pressure to them. “N…no…”

“Are you asking for mercy, tooke?”

“Never.” You squeezed your eyes closed, breathing heavily through your nose as Kylo Ren gave a sudden tug. You heard a multitude of pops that were nearly drowned out by your scream. Your eyes snapped open, and you stared in horror and bewilderment at your fingers—dislocated rather than broken. You weren’t sure if the pain would have been more or less had it been the other way. Kylo Ren traced a lone finger along the back of your hand then worked each finger back into its proper place. You screamed each time, whimpering and blinking through tears. “You’re horrible,” you croaked.

“Should you forget, I will _break_ them without mercy.”

“I hate you.”

“I hold no feelings of warmth for you either, little tooke.” You cupped the wrist of the hand that had been injured against your chest. Kylo Ren set a hand on your cheek, leaned in, and touched the tip of his nose to yours. “Your body is a form of passing entertainment, yet it is easily replaced. Your mind is one filled with lies, which then spew from this mouth.” His thumb outlined your lips. “Your spirit is the only thing of importance, and I see it breaking. So many cracks already. You claim to slay monsters, and yet still you live.”

You curled your tongue within your mouth, gathered saliva, then pursed your lips and spat in his face. His gloved hand left you, swiping along the spit, which he inspected. You barely saw the fist headed in your direction until it had struck the side of your face. You saw flashes of red and black, felt rather nauseated, and sat there completely stunned. You hoped there wasn’t a hairline fracture; that would be distracting with the long-lasting pain when all you wanted was to find a way to help the Resistance from your miserable position. Reaching up, you ran a few of your fingers along where he had hit you.

Kylo Ren left the bed, heading for the refresher instead. You listened as the shower was turned on. Your eyes then darted to the canister of ashes. You were not granted a generous amount of time to silently offer words of mourning; your captor returned to the room long enough to fully remove the chains and collar from you, and take you into the refresher with him. He finished taking off the final layers of his clothing while instructing you to do the same. You were only too happy to be rid of his shirt; that is, until he steered you into the shower and turned you so that you were naked, chest-to-chest with him.

“Wash me, tooke.” You would have half preferred if he had used the Force to compel you to do such a thing. As it was, however, you were left with the choice to obey or not. Your fingers, alternating between numb and throbbing, and your stinging cheek prompted you to choose the former. You grabbed up the washcloth, gathered a generous amount of soap, and set the material to his chest. You kept your lips in a thin line as you started to scrub him. A bruise was already forming on your wrist from when he had grabbed it. “Do you fear me?” You kept your eyes on his chest even though you were now washing his arms. No reply left your lips, nor did you offer a nonverbal response. He grabbed the other washcloth, prepared it, and started to clean you. There was a gentleness to his ministrations that caught you off guard; you had never believed he was capable of _any_ form of tenderness. “Why do you listen to the lies of the Resistance?”

 _He’s…trying to have a conversation with me,_ you realized. You hadn’t counted on this having such an impact on you, yet you found yourself turning from him and hunching over as you vomited up bile.

He had just brought in the ashes of your comrades to add to his collection, forced you to have sex with him again then hurt you, and now he was trying to talk with you?

“Loathsome creature,” you managed between dry-heaves.

“Tell me, tooke, when it was your general ordered you on the suicide mission.”

“General Organa didn’t,” you hissed out, knowing full well he could take the information from you, that he likely already had. “It was a different… One of my other superiors.” You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. “What does it matter to you?”

“The general would know it to be a suicide mission… Because of her lies by omission—yet again—here you are. A casualty.” You did not know what he meant, nor why it was that he knew so much about the general. It sounded more personal than it should have, which caused you to refrain from commenting. “In this case, the left hand didn’t know what the right was doing.”

“What does it matter? The general would want you dead, or at the very least incapacitated,” you said, pushing yourself back up to your feet and standing there shakily. Kylo Ren took your arm into his hand, steadying you. You tensed; there was something unspoken there that had you wondering— _did_ the general want him dead? If not, then why? _Why_ wouldn’t she? No! You would _not_ question your loyalties! He was doing it again, though in a subtle way that was more effective; attacking your beliefs. “I wish to go back to my cell.”

“I care nothing for your wishes.” You rolled your eyes, having expected him to say something along those lines. “If you behave, tooke, I will allow you time outdoors tomorrow.” You looked directly at his face. He did not seem to be lying, however you did not believe you could fully trust him. And what did he mean by _behave_? It was a rather vague order. Kylo Ren reached over, shutting off the water now that the two of you were clean. He stepped out, beginning to dry himself while you stood there. Slowly, you moved out of the shower as well and seized the unused towel that was on the rack.

Returning to his room, you discovered that a loose, sleeveless dress had been laid out for you. It was similar in design to the one that was normally forced upon you, and yet more modest overall. This one had a zipper, for one thing, which would keep it from slipping off your body. Kylo Ren dressed himself, lifted up the dress, and unzipped the back of it. His words ran through your head. He wanted you to obey. A large part of you wished to ignore this monster’s wishes out of spite. But the outdoors… How you longed to see them again.

You allowed the towel to slip off your body, stepped into the dress, and grit your teeth as a gloved hand moved the zipper upwards. You stared directly in front of yourself. Black gloves were then handed to you, and these you were able to pull on yourself. It caused your fresh injuries to throb, however you managed to not cry out.

Doing what you could to distance yourself mentally from his nearness, you wondered when it was that Kylo Ren had thought of you. Was it only after he had spotted the tooke hairclip, or had it been when he was murdering the other long-distance shooter? Perhaps both, your mind supplied. Your gaze drifted to the hairclip that you had thrown across the room. It remained in the same position on the floor. You could not understand it, his thought process. For someone who said your wishes did not matter, that he had no compassion for an enemy of the First Order—the hairclip did nothing to humiliate you, so what was the point of it?

_This monster does not know he is a monster…or else denies it as often as he can._

A leather glove entered your peripheral, and you winced. This was rewarded with a soft sigh from your captor. You turned your head to look over your shoulder. The position of his hand—the back of it facing you—and his posture suggested one thing. Your nostrils flared as you did what you could to control your anger. You then lifted your hand and set the back of it against his. You repositioned your body, falling into the correct stance. He wished to dance with you. Perhaps he had purchased the tooke hair clip in a place of celebration.

He slid one foot forward in the first step of the dance, and you followed. Though you allowed him to lead you, you failed to meet his gaze as was proper in the dance. Kylo Ren turned, his wrist flicking as he twisted his hand around. You followed suit. The lack of music somehow made it better for you. It was all a farce. A game of make-believe that you were playing with the monster you had sworn to slay.

“You cannot trick me into thinking you’re any less of a monster,” you said, your fingers aching from where he had injured you. The tips of his fingers trailed down to your wrist. You turned your back to him, all in the line with the dance. “Is this your way of celebrating? Raping me and then forcing me to dance with you.”

“Objectify and demonize.”

His words, the soft tone with which he spoke them, were strange echoes of those you had heard in the past. The things monsters did. Was he admitting to it? Or was he attempting to turn this on you?

The next step brought you chest to chest with him. You swallowed down bile at the memories it stirred up. “I won’t beg you.”

“You are angry, tooke, because I do not underestimate you.” You rolled your eyes at his words, shaking your head. “They water boarded you, and your reaction was calmness overall. I know you would endure the torture that would otherwise break your comrades. I have forced my way into your mind—yet you are correct when you claim that I am unable to pull the information I seek.”

_Objectify and demonize._

“Then why dance with me?” You did not want to know the answer. Or, you did not wish for him to say it aloud. Suddenly you knew that he had thought of you as more than simply a prisoner. Purchasing the tooke hair clip as he had—you released a bitter laugh. “My body means nothing to me, creature; you won’t break me.”

“Mm. You continuously spout that lie.” Kylo Ren stepped away from you and walked over to his chair. You watched him, observing the way he seated himself there. Silent. _Meditating,_ you noted.

You reached behind yourself, fumbling with the zipper and stripping out of the outfit. There was a shirt on the bed that you took instead. Though you loathed wearing an article of the creature’s clothing, you preferred it to the dress. You threw off the gloves as well, your fingers feeling more and more confined as they swelled. Kylo Ren ignored you as he meditated for several hours. You were brought a meal during that time, and you sat on his bed while you ate.

You reached to your side, seized hold of the helmet, and lowered it onto your head. You watched Kylo Ren through the visor of his mask and tried to think the way he thought. But you could not; you could never order the deaths of so many.

When he rose from the chair, Kylo Ren walked over to you and removed his helmet. He set it off to the side before climbing into bed with you. You rolled over onto your side so that your back was to him, much like the first time you had spent the night with him. You could feel him watching you. Doing what you could to ignore his stare, you lifted your hand towards your face and stared at your bruised fingers. They were swollen despite having been put back into their proper place. Your face felt as though it had also swelled. Your wrist, though not swollen, was sporting a darker bruise than earlier.

“Tooke?”

“Yes, creature?”

“Come here.” You took a moment before obeying, knowing full well he could easily make you do what he wanted by using the Force. You rolled over so that you were facing him. No sooner had you done this, his arm snaked around you, tugging you even closer. You waited, his face hovering just inches from yours. He never kissed you. He simply watched your reactions, stared at you passively until you fell asleep.

In the morning, he danced with you again. You said nothing, and he did not speak either. Your captor simply placed the back of his hand to yours. He stared straight ahead this time, not looking your way nor watching you as he had the previous night.

It was when the dance ended that he had food and fresh clothing brought. An outfit of your own—panties, a bra, shorts and a tank top. No shoes, however you did not mind. Kylo Ren had you tie back your hair, which you were thankful for when you at last stepped outside. It was humid, but in a pleasant sort of way. You shielded your eyes with your hand as you followed the darkly clad man out—how he wore the outfit, you did not know. You imagined it was the sort that regulated body temperature, although too high a heat would still irritate. He ignored the stormtroopers and officers that looked your way, and you followed suit. You walked after him past the line of trees to a small clearing, which you found to be the very place you had gone the last time you had been outdoors—how long ago had that been?

Kylo Ren stood still, whereas you shifted further until your feet were planted firmly in a patch of grass. You wiggled your toes, relishing in the cool dampness the ground had to offer. You lowered yourself into a sitting position then laid down, your knees bent but your arms stretched out to your sides. Inhaling deeply, you closed your eyes and listened to the sounds of nature.

After missions, you and your allies used to celebrate with mini picnics. Never off-guard; one always had to be ready. But in a patch of grass like the one here. Yet you had no allies. Still, you were resourceful; you patted the ground with your hand, careful to use the one that did not hold the three digits that had been dislocated the previous day. “Creature.” He obliged, stepping over to you then squatting. You tilted your head in order to look at his visor, which was pointed in your direction. “Sit properly.”

Rather than reprimand you for demanding anything of him, Kylo Ren leaned to the side, moving slowly into a comfortable position as he sat down next to you.

“Why did you buy the hairclip?” For this, you received no response. You sighed, turning your face upwards so that you could stare at the sky. Every so often the sounds of a ship landing or taking off ripped through the noises of nature. This you were used to. If it hadn’t been for your present company, you could have easily pretended you were back on base. “I don’t blame the general for not divulging the information in regards to her parentage. People did not exactly react kindly. And it doesn’t change what she’s trying to accomplish.”

“Trying to accomplish…” He nearly spat out the words, yet prolonged them with an increased accent of bitterness. “You know nothing.”

“Look, I only know her in the capacity of general. I believe what she stands for.”

“I know her in another capacity—and it’s disappointing.” You were thrown off with that remark. You turned away from the sky to stare at him. Kylo Ren appeared to be considering a tree.

“What does that mean?”

“It means nothing.” He sounded as though he were being evasive now. You propped yourself up on your elbows. He did not seem old enough to consider her as a princess, which some still referred to as, much to her chagrin. You recalled to mind his facial features and tried to picture—your blood ran cold. Though you had never met him, it had been hinted at many times, the fact that the general and Han Solo had a son. You shook your head; that couldn’t be right, you told yourself. “Ben Solo is dead.”

“Wh-what?” Kylo Ren looked pointedly at you.

“I killed him. Such a weak _boy_ …much like his father.” His shoulders relaxed. Kylo Ren propped up a single knee, upon which he dangled an arm. “There is no need for you to speculate.”

You were uncertain if he was speaking figuratively or literally, and you feared the answer either way. In many senses, it did not change who he was or what he had done. It did, however, explain why it was not the general who had given you your mission to hunt Kylo Ren. Yet why it was kept secret that Kylo Ren was—possibly—the general’s son… This, you did not understand.

“You won’t poison me against the Resistance,” you said, narrowing your eyes into a glare. Kylo Ren chuckled, not looking your way. “It really doesn’t matter your past—you’re just a monster now. Some dreadful creature. And I will slay you the same way I have the other monsters.”

“Such an unkind guest.”

“Let me see your face.” It nearly surprised you that he obliged without comment. His hands seized the helmet on either side, lifting it and setting it off to the side. You stared at his face with a new sense of purpose. Mapping out his features, comparing them. It was true; this creature had once been Ben Solo. “I almost pity you.” His lips twisted up into a grin that borderline the formation of a smirk. “Losing your way… I _do_ pity you.”

“How sweet, tooke,” he said mockingly. He ran the back of his hand up the length of your arm. “Such a sentimental creature. And you still want to kill me.”

You held up the hand that he had injured the previous day, displaying the bruises. “There’s no love between us—what should it matter?” He swept up the limb and brought it to his lips. You felt as though everything was surreal as he kissed each finger, almost as though in apology. When he had kissed the final digit, he set your hand atop your stomach and turned away from you. “Is that it? I’m your fix, right?”

“My fix?” he asked almost absently.

“Of the life you grew up in before. Back when you were—“

“He is dead.” You quieted, knowing it would be foolish to press the issue. Besides, you had no intention of angering him to the point that he would take you back indoors. After a few minutes more, Kylo Ren settled onto his back next to you. You watched him the entire time, staring at his face, his eyes. They were so expressive while at the same time guarded. “You were wrong, tooke.”

“Hm?” He did not elaborate. You reached over, touching his face. Kylo Ren laid perfectly still as you traced over each of his features. “I’m still fighting. You don’t always need to attack in quick succession. And you… You became a monster.” His eyes met yours. You took back your hand. “I won’t give in to the tyranny of the First Order…to the lies you’ve come to believe.”

“Tooke…”

“Ye—mmf!” He had turned over, his mouth sealing over yours. Your eyes widened as, for the first time, he kissed you.

_Hush, hush;  
A caress of lips—  
Your spirit stolen._


	6. Chapter 6

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Six:Unnecessarily Cruel

[Chapter Warnings: being knocked out with the Force; given a sedative (with prior knowledge); dubcon/sexual coercion, which is shown; threats; ashplay; some elements of stockholm syndrome]

_Long ago, I locked myself in a tower;  
Yet there still he came, claiming to be my hero.  
What he wanted was fame and control;  
He cared nothing at all for my wishes._

You had remained perfectly still when his lips were on yours, when he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip without thrusting it into your mouth. Kylo Ren had then drawn back, replaced his helmet, and stood. He waited approximately one minute longer before ordering you to stand. Still dazed from the kiss, you started to obey without question. You would have expected something rougher from him, something such as teeth clashing together. He preceded you towards the building. Once the two of you had entered, an officer approached the Force user.

“Sir, the prisoner has not broken yet.” You tensed at the words, your knees locking. A sudden dizzy spell threatened to overtake you, however you managed to place your hand against the wall to keep from collapsing.

“I see.” Kylo Ren turned so that he was looking in your direction. You were ready to spring, your heart starting to race—one of your comrades was being held prisoner, and you wanted more than anything to free them. Before you could do anything, however, Kylo Ren waved a hand before your face, and you blacked out.

You awoke to find yourself on a bed that was familiar to you. Your arms were chained above your head to the headboard. You pulled yourself into a sitting position with the aid of those restraints. You were not certain how long you had been unconscious, nor did you know how much more time passed until a stormtrooper entered the room. You perked up, watching his every action. You wished you would have still been passed out when he emptied fresh ashes into the canister. Apparently the prisoner had broken, had given them what they wanted—had become useless as a living being. Just another part of Kylo Ren’s collection.

To think that that monster had kissed you! That it had slipped your mind, even for a millisecond, that he was a monster, that you were intended to slay him.

Said creature entered his quarters shortly after the stormtrooper exited. You turned away from him, feeling your stomach roiling. You wished you could vomit; the urge was there, however it was not quite strong enough. You had come to expect such sick acts from him. That you knew of his previous identity—the fact that this was the general’s son—only disturbed you further. In many ways, what sickened you the most was that, at current, you were defenseless to stop him.

“When do you plan on adding me to that pile?” You observed him in your peripheral. The man set his hand in the ashes, scooping up some then allowing them to sprinkle back into the collection.

He chuckled. “This is but a part of my collection.” You gagged, and Kylo Ren looked in your direction. He took two steps towards you. “You’re so quick to choose death in the face of the First Order. Such loyalty is wasted on the Resistance—it won’t succeed.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?” You hissed out a _yes!_ as he turned on his heel and headed for the closet. He withdrew a few items, tucking them into a small bag before walking over to the bed. “It will be interesting to see how well you thrive in the cold.”

“Wh…what?”

“The first of the Resistance to know about it… You should feel honored. You will be given warmer clothes before we depart for Starkiller.” You felt a sense of dread upon hearing the name. It was nothing the Resistance had ever even hinted at. By the sounds of it, Starkiller was one of the First Order bases. Perhaps their main base. You clenched your hands into fists. “Don’t fight it—when they give you the sedative.”

“Why? Will you hurt me if I do?” you snapped.

“Yes.” Passionless, matter-of-fact. You withered, averting your gaze and feeling a tightening in your chest.

Within an hour, you were bundled in several layers of clothing, which took you aback. You had no time to question it, however, before you were given the sedative. It knocked you out, and when you next awoke you knew that you had slept through the entire journey. The first thing that hit you was that, despite the layers of clothing as well as the blanket you were under, you still felt a chill. The second was that the room looked quite similar to the previous. Kylo Ren apparently did not have a fondness for décor. Another canister of ashes. Another chair, in which the man was seated. The bed you were on. But then there it was; easily recognizable was the helmet of Darth Vader. Your eyes were glued to it for several seconds before you attempted to move. You paused, looking down at your wrists then your ankles. No chains. They did not fear you escaping from Starkiller.

That told you plenty. If there were no chains on you, there were probably numerous guards. This base, undoubtedly, was larger than the previous. Perhaps it was their main base, which further crushed your spirit.

“You look so frightened, tooke,” Kylo Ren said in what could almost be constituted a whisper. Your wide eyes returned to the chair, to him. “A splinter cell of the Resistance… It’s no wonder you hardly had contact with the general, that you did not receive your mission from her.” He stood, crossing the room to the remains of Vader’s helmet. “And now the First Order has eliminated that cell—save for you.”

“They’re…they’re all dead?” Everyone you had trained with, suddenly gone.

“A greater threat than other cells of the Resistance… Naturally our resources would be used to exterminate such a threat. You are the only to have clung to life.”

“How long have you been hunting the cell?”

“Three months ago, a prisoner revealed that there was such a cell. It took another two weeks before we learned how to lure you.”

“The prisoner who… whose ashes you added to… You learned of our main base from that prisoner? The base of the splinter cell.” He inclined his head in a brief nod. “That’s what you planned to get from me…when you were digging in my head. Back when you…when you learned that I had never…done anything…isn’t it?” Another nod, a step towards you. You tensed on the bed, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress.

“Your kills were the reason it became pertinent for the First Order to hunt you…” He tilted his head to the side. “I hadn’t realized we were holding such an important piece when I first had you.” Once he had learned your identity, however, you assumed that was the point when he had become sexually aroused with the idea of breaking you. “You’re crying.” There was a tinge of disbelief in his voice.

You stared at the blankets as you responded to what he had said last. “My comrades were killed… Why wouldn’t I cry?”

“So passionate,” he said. There was a certain level of annoyance; his distaste of compassion was evident once more—especially for enemies of the First Order. He began to disrobe. You glanced his way twice, however predominately kept your gaze on the mattress as you allowed your tears to flow. Keeping in the emotion would only give you an unnecessary headache, which was something you would not want to deal with. In some ways, you were baffled that he could endure the cold as he was, wearing only pants. These, too, he dropped into a pile along with his helmet. “Remove your clothes.”

You swore in the back of your head, yet began to move to obey immediately. You were in no mood to deal with arguing with him, to worry over whether or not he was going to take control of your actions with his mind tricks so that you had absolutely no say. You peeled off each layer while also wrapping the blankets around your body. Kylo Ren smirked. He watched each of your actions with hungry eyes, but did not advance on you until the final layer—your bra and panties—were thrown onto the floor. At that point, he slipped into bed with you.

Your eyes darted to his collection of ashes. Once more were you wondering when you would join your comrades there. Kylo Ren’s lips found your jawline. You shuddered when he nipped your ear. Had it been anyone else, you would have found the gesture rather affectionate. With him, you couldn’t help but think it possessive.

“How many times did you have me in your sights, tooke?” You stared up at the ceiling as his tongue flicked out, teasing your jaw. You pressed your lips more tightly together. His breath hit against your face when he sighed. “Always waiting for the perfect shot—I know you’re patient.” You met his eyes with that. “This isn’t something you can wait out though, tooke. You are no longer beneficial to the Resistance.”

“I’m certainly not still alive to simply occupy your bed,” you snapped, earning a grunt from him. “Give you a cheap fix so that you can pretend you’re more than a monster.”

“You’re still crying.” He lifted a hand to your face, brushing aside a handful of your tears with his thumb, which he then slipped into his mouth. You wrinkled your nose and curled your lip in disgust. “You never seem to give up.” You made a noise in the back of your throat that was borderline annoyance. Kylo Ren chuckled, rolled onto his back, and pulled you atop him. Your chest was flush with his; due to the cold, you did not exactly mind this in terms of feeling his body heat. “One of the first I could consider a worthy foe.”

“Was that a backwards compliment?” you asked, your eyes scanning his face, which had betrayed nothing. His mouth covered yours in the briefest of kisses. You ran your tongue over your lips when he drew back. “Are you using kindness to attempt to break me, creature?” Kylo Ren gripped your hips, bucking up into you and running his cock along your outer lips. You could feel both his body and yours responding to the friction. You splayed your hands against his chest, tucking your face between them. “You’re so cruel.”

“Are you hungry, tooke?”

“That isn’t what I mean.” You could not help but smell his scent, which was, annoyingly enough, familiar to you. Its familiarity caused it to have a relaxing effect on you. You turned your head to the side, laying your ear against his chest. You could hear his heart beating. “You would make me have sex with you after revealing that my…that all of them were killed?”

“The spoils of war,” he said, once more bucking up into you. You could feel his cock hardening, and you pressed more firmly against his chest as you lifted your head.

“Every time I start to think that maybe you _are_ human, you prove me wrong.” His actions stopped immediately. Kylo Ren trailed a hand up the length of your body so that he could cup your face. His brown eyes searched yours. “You’re unnecessarily cruel.”

“I won’t allow you to harm me, tooke,” Kylo Ren said simply. “And the only other form of physical exertion left to you is to fuck.” The fact that he had not used a lesser term caused you some minute amount of comfort; had he attempted to sugarcoat the ordeal, you would have felt the strong urge to smack him—and he had already stated that this would not be allowed. Your lips formed around the word _fine_ , though you did not say it aloud. That would be consenting to the act, whereas you were simply attempting to convey that you had understood his point.

The hand from your face moved to the back of your head. He tugged your mouth down onto his. You did not resist the kiss, nor did you react to it. Kylo Ren hummed then pressed his lips to yours again. You felt his tongue sliding along your lips, searching for a way in. Rather than grant him permission, you released a huff through your nose. He chuckled, repeated the action, and then, when you still did not relent, rested his head firmly against his pillow. He rolled your body off of his, depositing you back to your side of the bed. You laid there, dumbstruck.

Time ticked by, how much you were not certain. “Creature?” No response. You turned onto your side so that you were looking his way. Kylo Ren was lying on his back, his gaze on the ceiling, though you doubted he was paying much attention to it. You were still trying to process the fact that your comrades had all been killed. It made you want to rip out your hair in frustration, to punch the man beside whom you were lying. Your teeth threatened to clatter against one another, so you tightened your jaw. “Creature?” Even to your ears, your voice sounded more desperate. There was an ache in your throat, more tears threatening to form—the fact that you had to seek comfort in your enemy did not sit well with you.

Kylo Ren moved atop you. This time when his mouth lowered onto yours, you did not fight him—and you parted your lips to allow his tongue in. He released a light moan, his tongue delving into your mouth. His hands were on your chest, groping, kneading; and his hips were rocking into yours. You spread your legs, a part of you hating yourself for doing so and the other part knowing this was the only way you could have any chance of so much as _touching_ him. You drew your hands up around his neck, your nails biting into the flesh of his back. In response, he groaned and nibbled your bottom lip. Kylo Ren sucked your lip into his mouth, chewing lightly on it so that it swelled. He ran his tongue along it then once more thrust his organ into your orifice. Your body was reacting to his ministrations, arousal flooding through you.

“Are you trying to draw blood, tooke?” he asked with his mouth mere centimeters from yours. Your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked repeatedly and gave a meek nod. He smirked, wrapped an arm around you, and pulled you onto him as he moved backwards so that he was sitting upon the bed. You obediently shifted your legs so that you were straddling him, not once removing your nails from his back. “To take from me, you must be willing to give.”

It was to remind you who was in control of this situation. You squeezed your eyes tightly closed before pressing your mouth to his and kissing him. His lips worked against yours, his tongue invading your mouth again as your nails dug into his back and his erection pressed into your thigh. You wiggled a little in his lap until you felt him at your entrance. Kylo Ren moaned into the kisses as you lowered yourself onto his cock. A swear left his lips, his hands gripping your hips and forcing you to start riding him immediately. You gulped in air when he took his lips off yours, his mouth moving beside your ear.

“You’re so tight around me, tooke.” A groan escaped him as he swerved his hips in the way he knew furthered your arousal. You moaned, unable to contain the noise. Your nails dug deeper into him, and you at last felt a light warmth, tiny droplets of blood on your fingertips. It was perhaps all he would allow, yet it was something—more than you had yet done. He lowered his mouth to your left breast, taking it into his orifice as his tongue laved your nipple. You whimpered at the delightful waves of pleasure that rippled through you. Leaning forward, you clamped your rubber-capped teeth on his shoulder, knowing that, though you could not cause him to bleed in this manner, there was still a chance you could bruise him.

It was the first time you were, even somewhat willingly, a more active participant when it came to anything sexual, and so your movements were sloppy. You tried to meet his thrusts, however were off; this did not make it any less arousing. His cock stroked you from the inside, and you gasped, at which point Kylo Ren removed his mouth from your breast and once more thrust his tongue into your mouth. You squirmed at the feeling of his tongue worming around inside your orifice. In slight frustration, you moved your tongue against his, attempting to shove it away. He chuckled into the kiss, working your tongue into submission. He had been correct; in a way, this was a physical exertion that could almost be a battle of sorts. You ran a hand up into his hair, fisting some of it and tugging just a little; you knew that if you put in too much effort, he would no longer permit you to act as such.

Kylo Ren shifted once more, laying you on your back and lifting your legs to hook them over his shoulders. You felt yourself beginning to cry again as he pounded into you. You released a ragged breath that ended as a weak sob and brought your hands to your face. Kylo Ren paused, removed your legs from his shoulders, and settled between your legs to allow a more calm experience. You could feel his breath through your fingers. You wrapped your arms around his neck so that you could bury your face against him. He said nothing, which was for the best—you did not want to hear anything from your enemy. To you, he was simply a body all of a sudden. Something to make you feel a force working against you, a force that brought both pain and pleasure.

“Creature,” you whispered as you felt yourself growing closer to orgasm. You felt a slight shift above you, as though he had dipped his chin so that he could look at you. “I hate you.” You sighed as you came, your orgasm weaker than the previous ones he had brought you to.

He grunted as he ejaculated inside of you, his hips stilling while he was still in you. “Tooke.” You did not respond. He sighed, and you felt a pressure on the top of your head. You grit your teeth when you realized that he had kissed you there. It was a comforting gesture—and you wanted none of that from him. You took your arms away from him, pressing your hands to his chest in an attempt to push him away. He did not budge an inch. “You’ve already lost.”

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat. You tilted your head back so that you could look him in the eye. “I’ll never stop.” He pulled back, pulling out of you at last. His expression was passive. To you, it seemed that he did not give any weight to your words. You brushed at the tearstains on your face with the backs of your hands. “You’ll _never_ win, because I will _never_ give up.”

“That is simply you being a fool. You’ve lost already—denying it changes nothing.” His words stung, perhaps deeper than he would ever know. You started to turn away, however he caught your face and turned you back to him. “You’re scrambling to find a way again… Don’t forget what will occur if you _do_ attempt me harm, tooke. That was your only exception. It won’t be repeated.”

“Then just kill me—I won’t stop! I’ve told you that already. I won’t!” You grabbed at his throat, wrapping your fingers around his neck and applying some pressure. You glared at him, baring your teeth as the man kept his mask of stoicism. “I _hate_ you!”

He said your name—your _name_ , not the term of endearment he had been using thus far—and your grip faltered. Your eyes were wide, and you felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you. “So desperate… I won’t kill you.” He grabbed hold of your left wrist, his thumb ghosting over three of your fingers. Your teeth chattered. “Do I need to break them?” You dropped your hands from his neck; feeling, at long last, defeated. “You seem so angry.” You averted your gaze, shifting your eyes so that you were no longer looking at his face. “You should understand, tooke, that I _own_ you.” As though you were nothing more than a materialistic thing. A trophy from his success at destroying your cell, from killing your comrades.

“I do not view you as anything more than a monster.”

“And yet you miss me when I’m not here.” You squeezed your hands into fists. You had nothing to do while he was away other than obsess over what attacks you could execute. Other than wondering if he was attacking one of your allies—always thinking about _him_. In a way, that could be construed as missing him. Because if he was with you, he was not harming those you loved and cared for. “In this cold, you’re clinging so tightly to me for warmth.” You wanted to unwind your body from his to prove a point, however you weren’t going to cut your nose to spite your face. It was _freezing_ , and given that you were naked, his body atop yours _was_ keeping you warm. “Admit defeat, tooke.”

“I am currently incapacitated, but you’re keeping me alive… The only way you will ever fully win is to kill me.” He sighed then lowered his mouth onto yours. As before, save for the exception of you wanting permission to claw into him, you did not respond. You laid there, stiff and with an expression of disgust. His tongue traced along your lips, but you did not yield.

“Mm… Resistance fighter. Do you want to know how easily your comrades were defeated?” You opened your mouth to curse him, however found his tongue exploring along yours. You went to turn your head, to break the kiss, however his hands were on either side of your face. He moaned, not pulling away until he was satisfied.

“Did you get enough?” you snarled. “Done with your fix?”

“No.” He smirked before kissing you again, continuing downwards, kissing every inch down your body until he arrived between your legs.

You wrinkled your nose when he licked you, his cum and yours entering his mouth. “You’re gross. You’re so gross.” He chuckled and repeated the action. “Stop. I don’t like that.”

“Mm.” He rested his cheek on your thigh, lying his head there. “What _do_ you like, tooke?” He lifted his eyes, staring up at you.

You huffed. “You choking on ashes.” His smirk only grew. He stood from you, walked over to the collection of remains, and grabbed a fistful. You did not know how to react when he returned to his previous position between your legs, when he sprinkled the ashes on your cunt. Kylo Ren locked eyes with you as he leaned forward, his tongue running from your perineum to your clit. It was coated with your juices, his cum, and ashes. He swallowed multiple times to rid his mouth of the ash. “Choke.” Kylo Ren chuckled then, whether intentionally or not, he coughed a single time on the minute amount of ashes that were still clinging to his tongue. “Now _die_.”

“I own _you_ , tooke. You are not master here.”

“You are _not_ my master, creature.” To show how much he cared about your words, Kylo Ren resumed licking at you, smearing the ashes down your thighs so that your flesh was darkened. “I am not scared of you,” you whispered. He reached up, pinching three of your fingers, and you tensed. Then squeezed your eyes closed and swore in your head as he released you. With that simple action, he had proven your statement incorrect. “You’re the cruelest thing I have ever known.”

_There’s a maiden in the tower,_   
_And there she sings at night to me._   
_She tells me tales of all the lies,_   
_And men’s other atrocities._


	7. Chapter 7

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Seven: Morbid Fantasies

[Chapter Warnings: menses; psychological torture; release/chase; mind control and body mod (tattooing/branding) that is shown; dubcon that is shown with edging, multiple orgasms, overstimulation and voyeurism; orgasm denial; ash feeding; sexual coercion]

_We danced and danced all night;  
Of these fantasies we took delight.  
While the world burned to ash,  
We had ourselves the greatest of laughs._

Kylo Ren was gone by the time morning rolled around. You woke up alone, and within a few minutes two stormtroopers entered and escorted you to a cell. This one had a proper toilet, however you hardly took comfort in this. Your clothing was of only two layers, however the material kept you plenty warm. You had been provided with a pair of gloves, which you gratefully wore. You sat in the middle of the cell without attempting to harm yourself. You had previously been set at harming or killing yourself to prevent the discovery of your cell; now that it had been eliminated, however, you had decided that you would spend your time discovering some other way to cripple the First Order and/or Kylo Ren. You knew that he appeared to let his guard down somewhat when you were with him, yet never completely.

It unnerved you that he was tender during sex—in the sense that he ensured you became aroused rather than derived pain from his actions. A part of you would have preferred if you had been aching due to his actions. And then, of course, you remembered well the pain that you had felt when he had mind-tricked you into breaking your hymen with his lightsaber. You had no desire to experience _that_ again.

To pass away the time, you started to do sit-ups. You followed this up with a round of push-ups before beginning various stretches to help get your body back into shape. Aside from eating or brainstorming ideas of the aforementioned nature, you had little else to do. You were aware of the passing time; aware that it had been at least four days since you had been taken to the cell. On the fifth day, you found that there was a wetness between your legs, which proved to be blood from your period. You wrinkled your nose, thankful when you were taken to be hosed down and then given both fresh clothing and sanitary napkins. The fact that you were bleeding at all gave you a minute amount of comfort. In a way, you doubted Kylo Ren cared whether or not you became impregnated—he would likely abort the fetus, given that he thought little of you as a human. No compassion for the enemy. You shuddered at the memory of how cold the man was.

On the eighth day of your time in the cell, you discovered there were speakers in the corners of the room. This you learned when one of the First Order propagandas began chiming overhead. You tried to plug your ears, to cover them with your hands, however found that the intention was to keep the audio going in a loop. You were close to tears when the day ended, when they finally shut off the words that spoke ideas and morals that went against everything you believed in. The following morning, it started anew.

By the end of your period, you were more than thankful to find that Kylo Ren had come to visit you. When he stood at the door to your cell and the propaganda from the previous day did not resume, you leapt to your feet. You nearly had the urge to hug the man, yet did not—your relief was not enough to cause you to forget that this was still your enemy. You were instructed to follow, and you obeyed, if only to get out of that cell. You were allowed to shower, Kylo Ren waiting in the refresher for you to finish. You dried your hair and body then dressed. You had been given a new pair of gloves as well as a thicker coat. You knew immediately from this that you would not be remaining indoors.

When again you followed Kylo Ren, you were indeed led outdoors. Your eyes widened at the sight of the two snow speeders. The darkly clad man paused near the first, looking over his shoulder at you until you approached it. You hesitantly climbed on. It took you off guard that he did not climb on behind you; rather, he straddled the second speeder. Your heart pounded in your chest as you tried to figure out what it was he was expecting of you. You fingered the ignition, watching him in your peripheral as he started to make slight adjustments on his ride. When it felt as though your heart was in your stomach, you hit the ignition and set off.

Wind blew your hair, and you found that you had to squint to be able to see past the snow that was beginning to fall. You maneuvered the ride easily, having operated similar vehicles in the past during your training. In little time, you could hear the second vehicle behind you. You dared not look over your shoulder, knowing full well that seeing him pursuing you would only cause your nerves to give out on you.

You leaned into some of the turns to allow for a smoother ride. Starkiller appeared to be thick with trees. You were careful not to crash into any. Not once did the sound of Kylo Ren’s vehicle fade. You grit your teeth in frustration at this. There would be no losing him. You hit the brakes suddenly, and he shot past you a few feet before he, too, came to a stop. By that point, you had already leapt from your speeder and had started to run through the snow. It all felt surreal, being outdoors again. Fresh air entering your lungs as you, your body still not in the shape in had previously been, attempted to flee towards—you were not certain where. Anywhere.

When you heard the sound of him activating his lightsaber, you could not hold back the whimper. You ducked around a tree—then screamed as the plasma blade cut into the trunk of it directly above your head. You scrambled away, knowing full well that you were making tracks in the snow on the ground and would not be able to lose him. Kylo Ren’s next swing was also directly overhead. Your mind managed to reach the conclusion that he was not aiming to kill you. He simply wanted you to keep running. For what purpose, you did not know. And that _terrified_ you.

You threw yourself to the ground, rolling out of the way of a kick he had directed at your side. This entire scenario nearly reminded you of the day he had caught you, of when he had nearly killed you. You touched the area on your body where you knew your scar was located on your front. Perhaps, you thought, he was deciding whether or not he _wanted_ to kill you just then. That your life hung in his hands in such a manner did not sit well with you. Your started looking more desperately for something to counter his attacks with. That was when he seized the back of your shirt, dragging you backwards so that your body collided with his chest. The plasma blade hummed beside you, and your eyes were glued to that red light.

“Your skill set isn’t lacking,” he said, his voice deeper what with him wearing that helmet. You knit your brow. He had been testing you? For what purpose? Unless… A cold dread fell upon you. He had learned also of the two sister cells. There were two others who had your skill set, who had been trained as thoroughly as you. You did not know their identities; that had been a safety measure. Yet you knew _of_ one another. This was why you were still alive; so that Kylo Ren could learn what elements you thrived in. It was no wonder he had brought you to Starkiller—the snow; that you knew how to operate a snow speeder, that the snow upon the ground had not caused you to hesitate when you set off running. You swore under your breath, prompting the man behind you to chuckle.

His thumb hit against the lightsaber’s hilt, and the blade disappeared. You gnashed your teeth and clenched your hands into fists. “How did you find out?” Rather than answer you, the man wound an arm around your waist and tugged you even closer. He laid his head upon your shoulder, his face hooked against your neck. “Creature?” It was too familiar, the way he was holding you. Moreso when he wrapped his other arm around you. It unnerved you, made your skin crawl. You had a strong impression that this was _exactly_ why he was doing such things. “When are you going to kill me?”

“Rushing off to death?” he drawled without releasing you. “Are you more resourceful than your allies?”

“I wouldn’t know,” you hissed out, your response not a lie.

“You bled.”

“What?” You turned your head partway, blinking as you tried to figure out what he was talking about. “Bled?” Your period, you realized. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Bleeding that way…the scent for any tracking animals…” You swallowed. “They regulated your cycle, and you were not sent on missions during menses… Are the others female?”

“I don’t know anything about them. They could be eunuchs for all I know.” He hummed in response, still not releasing you. You had started to relax in his arms. It had dawned on your that he was listening to your heartbeat, feeling it. Remaining close to feel any alterations in your breathing. Gauging your reaction to everything. “Why not probe my mind, creature?”

“You’re quite proficient at throwing up walls…at distracting me.”

“You sound as though you’re interested in watching _all_ of my memories,” you said with a tinge of disgust. “Do you have a crush on me, creature? You’re repulsive.”

“Because I kill my enemy? The same way _you_ have killed yours?” You had no response for that. You pressed your lips into a thin line, your bottom lip threatening to protrude forward in a light pout. You felt something slither along your brain, caressing your mind as he listened to your thoughts. “Ah. Because I saw the flaws of the Light.”

“Because you allowed darkness to seduce and corrupt you,” you snapped out. “And your mother—gg!” A tight grip on your throat, an invisible hand choking you. It left you a moment later, and you coughed before drawing in a deep breath of air. “The _general_ ,” you started, trying anew. This time you were not choked. “She doesn’t want you killed, does she?”

“This frustrates you,” he said matter-of-factly. You lowered your eyes to the ground. Kylo Ren caressed your arms with his thumbs as he held you there. “You’re more of a fighter than even your general.”

“How low you must be to be able to insult her that way.” Snow was beginning to collect on your head, on your eyelashes. You blinked in an attempt to rid yourself of the flakes.

“You’re rather poor at taking compliments.” This time you turned your head and dipped your chin so that you could look at his helmet. The mask portion remained tucked into your neck. “You’re not afraid of death.”

“I am,” you admitted. “I’m more afraid of leading _others_ to their deaths.” You watched him for several seconds. “I really am your fix…” The muscles in his arms tensed; you could feel them. “That’s… Why would you… Just kill me. There’s both light and dark in you, isn’t there? So let your light side kill me.”

“You’re asking for mercy, tooke?” He sounded confused again. It was nice to know you could surprise him.

“Maybe it’s giving _you_ a small mercy.” Kylo Ren lifted his head at long last, his visor pointed in your direction. You knew you were looking him in the eye. “If the light is calling to you…if you’re keeping me alive because of that…you should kill me.”

“Before you reveal your secrets?” It sounded as though he had scoffed at you. “Tooke, you aren’t important enough to lead me astray. I won’t be seduced.”

“What peculiar wording.” Kylo Ren drew back from you slowly, as though he didn’t know how to react to your statement. “You have been fucking me after all.” His visor hadn’t shifted from your face, though the man had begun to walk, to circle you. “You’re plenty seduced, aren’t you?”

“Are you trying to anger me?” he asked. “To get me to kill you?” He chuckled. “Perhaps it’s _you_ who is being seduced. Craving my touch.”

“Hardly.” And yet he lifted a hand, caressing your face—and you did not pull away as you would have in the past. Catching yourself, you wrenched away from him. “I don’t crave it.”

“You miss it when it’s not there. When I entered your cell, you seemed happy to see me.”

“Desperation is not the same thing.”

“You’re desperate for me, tooke?” Amusement. You felt your cheeks heating up in embarrassment and frustration. “Mine is the only body you’ve ever known.” You narrowed your eyes, wanting to bite back with the fact that it hadn’t been your choice to have it as such. “You’re familiar with it.” He had taken a step closer to you again. The man was mere inches away from you, and you had to tilt your head back to keep your gaze locked with his.

“It isn’t your body at all that I want.”

“How sweet.”

“That’s not what I meant.” His snarkiness knew no bounds. You scowled and shook your head. “You’re the only form of…personal contact. Conversation—what could pass as it. And those lies I was being forced to listen to… You being there at my cell meant that they would be over, if only for a little while.”

“You’re looking for semblances of General Organa in me… You won’t find any.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” you replied. “You’re both stubborn in your own way. Quick-witted. There are similarities, whether you like them or not. It’s our past that helps shape who we are now… Even if you are no longer…if Ben Solo is dead, that doesn’t mean he had no part in Kylo Ren.”

“And what of you?” he countered, tilting his head to the side as he considered you. He said your name, and you flinched. “ _She_ is dead… Simply a tooke now. Is that all?”

“You may wish to be my master, however you aren’t. You won’t ever be. And you’ll never know who or what I am, because you mean nothing to me.”

“Yet again, you are wrong, tooke.”

“Wrong?” you repeated, your voice soft. Once more, he did not reply. Kylo Ren stepped forward, grabbing your upper arm and steering you back to the snow speeders. He pushed you onto one then climbed onboard behind you. You figured that someone else would be sent for the other speeder when he started up the vehicle and turned it, heading back in the direction from which the two of you had previously left.

You were taken to his quarters again, where your wrists were tied to the headboard of his bed. You worried only when your ankles were also secured. Began to sweat when a stormtrooper entered, carrying a device you recognized from your time with one of your now-deceased comrades. A tattooing gun. You jerked at your restraints, and shook your head. Kylo Ren lifted the gun and walked over to you. The stormtrooper exited.

“Where do you want it?” the man asked, as though he were offering you something of worth.

You snarled. “Nowhere. Don’t. Get…get away!” He had straddled your hips and started to draw up your shirt. “Don’t!”

“Neck. Shoulder. Hip. Back. Arm. Wrist. Ankle.” You squeezed your eyes closed as he continued to list parts of your body that could potentially be marked. “Where, tooke?”

“No… What are you—?”

“You’re mine, tooke. You won’t forget that any longer.” His name, you realized with disgust. He was going to mark his name on you. You turned your head away. “Mm… You’re so obstinate, tooke.” He shifted his weight, leaning so that he was able to work with your left hand. You started to curl it into a fist then stopped immediately when he said, calmly, “You will remain still for me.”

“I will remain still for you.”

He set to work without pause, his technique rather precise. It was when he was finished that he allowed you to have full control over your mind and body again. Your finger stung a little. You tilted your head so that you could look at it. Then squeezed your eyes closed. He had made a ring of sorts on your ring finger; his name wrapping around it as though you were bound to him forever. You knew that it was the finger on which people wore their wedding rings due to the fact that the veins led to the heart.

“You’re horrible.” Kylo Ren released you from your shackles, and you brought your hand in front of your face. “I hate it.” You thrust your right hand up towards him. “The least you could do is put _Ben Solo_ on the other.” It had been a sarcastic remark, and yet Kylo Ren seized up your wrist. “I was—“

“You will remain still for me.”

“I will remain still for you.” When again he was done, you wrinkled your nose. “Dreadful creature.” He had risen from the bed and walked over to his collection of ashes. The tattooing gun was set off to the side. You remained where you were until a stormtrooper had entered to retrieve the object. When once more the two of you were alone in his quarters, you looked at Kylo Ren. “Won’t it bother you, seeing _that_ name? Or do you plan on removing my finger? My hand? I suppose, in the end, you’ll simply burn me, right?”

“Supreme Leader has found that this is best.”

“Su…preme….Leader?”

“My master.” You did not know how to feel, that he was honestly answering your question. “You are…a fix. Your naivety serves as a reminder of how foolish it would be to listen to any calls from the light.”

“And in the meanwhile, you’re using me to learn of my comrades.” A hum to indicate an affirmative answer. “Raping me.” He turned away from the ashes and looked your way. “You think of me as nothing more than spoils of war…as property… I loathe you.”

“Do you expect kindness from the enemy?”

“I expect _death_. Torture, even, sure. But…oh.”

“Oh?”

“Shit!”

“Ah, an intelligent tooke. Letting your guard down, allowing me to see how to work through those mental defenses you were trained to throw up. My humanity is your weakness. You asking for _his_ name on you only served to prove this.” Kylo Ren removed his helmet and set it in the ashes. He walked over to you, and you remained still. The man seized both of your wrists and placed your hands against his chest. “It’s easier for you when the enemy is a stranger.”

“For you, it doesn’t matter, does it?” you spat, snatching back your limbs. His mouth collided with yours, and you turned your head, breaking the kiss. “Why are you kissing me?”

“A show of respect, tooke.” You looked at him with your eyes alone. “You’re more than a body. The first to survive…to continue to fight me. The others of the Resistance were nothing more than jokes. But you…” Your gaze dropped to his mouth, which he pressed to yours a second time. You did not respond, but this time you did not turn away. “You’re on the wrong side, tooke.”

“Simply because you have the upper hand right now? I won’t be intimidated by you. I won’t be—“ You jerked your head to the side. “Stop trying to kiss me.”

“It’s the gentlest way to silence your lies.” You huffed, facing him again to find that he was smirking. “When I find the other two, tooke, _you_ will be the one to pull the trigger.”

“I _won’t_.” He chuckled, and you had the strong impression that you would not be given a choice.

It was in the morning where you once more knew that you _loathed_ him. Kylo Ren had a hologram projection of the interrogation that was currently taking place displayed for him. You, your arms pinned under his legs and your legs hooked over his shoulder, were forced to listen. You closed your eyes as one of your fellow Resistance members screamed. Kylo Ren’s tongue slipped out from behind his lips and nudged your clit. You closed your eyes, glaring at the man as your toes started to curl in pleasure. His attention was glued to the projection. For a second time, he lapped at you absentmindedly. You dug your nails into the material of his pants. Your arousal dwindled at the sound of your comrade having his fingernail ripped off—at least, at the threat of it followed by his screaming in pain. You gagged; how was it that the man pinning you could watch it with such disinterest as he pressed his lips against your nub in a brief kiss.

What made things _worse_ was the physician in the room. It mattered not to Kylo Ren that his actions were observed by another. The physician readied a needle to draw your blood. Your chest heaved, in anticipation of being poked, in frustration over your fellow Resistance member’s current position, and as arousal shot through you once more. Kylo Ren had sealed his lips around your clit, sucking against you. Your body spasmed. You swallowed hard, trying to wiggle yet finding yourself properly pinned.

He drew back when the physician moved in closer. You turned your head away, glaring at the far wall as your blood was drawn. When the needle was removed and the tiny wound was covered, Kylo Ren ran his tongue along your folds. The Resistance member was sobbing, but still promised aloud he wouldn’t break. Kylo Ren’s lips twisted into a cruel smirk. Again your arousal started to fade—only to return in full when he flicked his tongue in and out of you in quick succession a total of four times. Your mouth had opened.

The physician took the vials of blood and exited the man’s quarters. You watched him leave, trying to distract yourself from a fresh scream. A loud snap, like a twig being stepped upon. It was the sound of a finger breaking. You felt goosebumps rise on your flesh. Kylo Ren pursed his lips and blew against your clit in a way that had your vaginal walls clenching around nothing. You squirmed, trying to unhook your legs from his shoulders. The way he had you stretched out, however, made it to where your limb was still extended, your cunt remaining exactly where he wanted it. His gloved fingertips traced along your lower belly before shifting to your sides. He ran his hands up and down, sending a tingling sensation shooting through you.

The officer in charge of interrogating your ally was speaking. Your mind was unable to wrap around the meaning of any of the syllables spoken; Kylo Ren had buried his face into your cunt and started eating you out with vigor. His pupils were wide, dilated and darker. You stared at his face with your mouth hanging open, heavy and noisy breaths escaping you as you tried to buck your hips and claw at his legs. His tongue was thrusting in and out of you, swirling every so often around your entrance. He slurped noisily, which only caused you to grow more wet. He started to bend the knee of his left leg then straightened the limb fully again, trapping your arm before you had a chance to free it.

You whimpered when, with his tongue flat against your clit, he suddenly paused in his actions. His eyes were glued to the hologram. Your eyelids fluttered. Closing your mouth, your nostrils flared as you tried to come down from your intense arousal—you had nearly been brought to orgasm, only to be denied. Kylo Ren flicked his tongue up, and you gasped. No movement from him for another moment until he ran the underside of his tongue down your clit and trailed his organ to your entrance. You seized your bottom lip between your teeth, furrowing your brow as you waited for him to delve into you. Instead, however, his tongue slipped back into his mouth. He raised his chin and watched the interrogation with renewed interest.

“Half-assed,” you growled, a few tears slipping down your cheeks as you attempted to cope with your denied orgasm for a second time. His response was to send another stream of air through pursed lips against you. You moaned, your struggles to free yourself renewed. “Nnn… Stars, you’re…” His gaze drifted down to you, and you quieted instantly. He had leaned his head to the side, resting his cheek against your thigh. You narrowed your eyes at him, reminding yourself that you would _not_ beg. Kylo Ren walked the fingers of his right hand up towards your leg, where he started drawing lazy circles on you. It was enough to renew the tingling sensations running through your body, to cause your body to start trembling with the _need_ for release. You grit your teeth, which audibly protested the pressure you were putting on them despite the rubber capping as Kylo Ren traced his name with the tip of his tongue against your clit. He then swiped down your folds, waggling his tongue for just long enough to bring you to your peak, and then he again drew back.

His tongue in his mouth, he sucked for a few seconds whilst observing the interrogation. You could hear the Resistance member sobbing, begging for it to stop. In some ways, you could not blame him. This wasn’t his first interrogation, from what you had gathered. You tilted your head back so that you could see his face. It wasn’t someone you personally recognized, however you still found yourself cringing at his current state. Saying you wouldn’t wish that on your worse enemy would be a lie at that point; you did want the First Order to crumble, _especially_ because of the hologram.

Kylo Ren grazed his teeth against your clit before gently clamping down, tugging at you. Your body started to spasm again, your vaginal walls beginning to clench—only for him to release you and lay his cheek on your thigh. You looked down the length of your body at him.

“Will you just sto-ooooh!” He had dropped his thumb down, rocking it back and forth along your clit, which was slick with his saliva and your juices. It hardly surprised you when he stopped before you could cum, yet that did not stop you from releasing a groan. You felt more tears slipping down from your eyes, falling into your hair.

“He spills every time, tooke,” Kylo Ren said in a neutral tone. “There is no need for me to break him.” You started to hum to yourself to drown out his voice, to block out the sounds of the man doing exactly what your captor had stated—he was giving the First Order the information they had been pressing him for. Your humming turned into a strangled moan when Kylo Ren sealed his mouth around you, when his tongue plunged into you and wormed its way around as he groaned. The vibrations brought you over the edge at long last, your over-stimulated nerves manipulated by his ministrations.

It was the strongest orgasm you had ever experienced. Your vision blurred around the edges, flashes of black then color. Tears spilling down your cheeks. It took you a moment to realize that you were moaning between gulping in air. Then sobbing again as Kylo Ren did not cease in his actions. He was tongue-fucking you in earnest, his eyes locked with yours when you looked up at him in desperation. He turned his head from side to side a fraction of an inch, as though telling you he had no intention of stopping. Your heart raced in your chest, panic setting in. Your fingers dug at his leg, and you feared that you would hyperventilate.

“Let go!” you screeched before throwing your head back as he brought you to orgasm for a second time. It was weaker than the first, yet added on to your exhaustion. Still, he did not stop. “Nnnn…no! Nnnn-ooooh!” His thumb was rocking against your clit, his tongue deep inside of you. “Kriff! Kriffkriffkriffkriffkriff—“ Your mantra broke off in a growl. You could feel him smirking against you as you came again. Kylo Ren turned his head, pressing kisses to your inner thigh. His tongue ran along your flesh before he bent both of his legs enough for you to free your arms. You set your forearms against his shins, pressed your palms on his pants, and pushed your torso up so that your legs slid off his shoulders. You were dizzy, blinking repeatedly and trying to keep from passing out.

He had dropped a hand to his lap and freed his swollen cock. You stared at it absently, watching him when he started to stroke himself. “Are you aching for it, tooke?” You swallowed thickly. Kylo Ren shifted onto his knees. The hologram behind you disappeared, an indication that the interrogation had at long last ended. Your captor grabbed your legs, tugging your lap closer to his. Your bodies did not quite connect. “Hmm?” He dipped his hips prior to shifting forward a little more, the head of his cock brushing from your perineum, past your inner lips, and along your clit. You looked up at him with a blank expression. Then furrowed your brow.

Kylo Ren set his hands upon the mattress on either side of your hips. He climbed up your body until his face was level with yours. By then you were starting to look around yourself.

“There’s nothing within reach, tooke,” he stated calmly. You shuddered at the sound of his voice, at the way he rolled his hips once more into yours. Kylo Ren aligned himself with you and thrust up into you. Your vaginal walls clenched around him, as though trying to pull him further into you, or else push him away. His hands were on the mattress beside your head, palms still flat. You were gritting your teeth again, trying to ignore the sensations of pleasure flooding through you.

Which was rather easy to do—until he started to move. Your over-sensitive flesh was easily stimulated by his every touch. You placed your hands against his chest, for once not trying to push him away from you. You were shaking too badly to even attempt that. “O-out, creature,” you whispered, lowering yourself once more so that you were fully laying down. Kylo Ren moved along with you, his clothed chest flush with your naked one, save for where your hands touched him. His mouth met yours, silencing anything else you had planned on saying.

Your lips were pliant, allowing him to thrust his tongue inside. You could taste yourself on him, which drew a moan from you. Encouraged by your response, you felt him exploring more of your mouth. He broke the kiss, his hot breath washing over your face. “You need this, don’t you?” You averted your gaze. He stopped thrusting into you, and you squeezed your eyes closed. You would _not_ beg for it—you _didn’t_ need it, you told yourself repeatedly. No matter how much your body was throbbing for him, you did not _need_ it. “So stubborn.” Kylo Ren withdrew from you, and your eyes snapped open. You stared at him with wide eyes, searching his face. “ _I_ don’t need it, tooke.” He stood, grasping himself and beginning to jerk his cock. “I’m willing to touch _myself_.”

You knew your face properly displayed your flustered state. It was frustrating, his retorts, the fact that they were, on even a purely physiological level, correct. “I won’t beg for you,” you hissed. He said nothing in response, his actions not ceasing. You lowered your attention from his face back to his cock. He was rocking into his own touch, the sight of this causing your body to remind you how much you were _aching_ to be filled. You called to mind the memory of the Resistance member’s screams and cries of pain. Precum started to leak from his slit, however, and you felt yourself becoming wet again. “Kkkk….kriff.” His hand slowed. Kylo Ren watched you with a smirk forming on his face. He traced his fingers over the precum then stepped closer to you and thrust his fingers into your mouth. The taste of him did not help your current condition. You jerked your head to the side. “You’re repulsive.”

“Very well.” He resumed pleasuring himself, quick movements of his wrist aiding in his actions. You looked ceiling-ward and attempted to regulate your breathing. Kylo Ren released a grunt, and you clenched your hands into fists against the bed sheets. A swear left his lips, and the next second you felt his cum hitting your legs. A hiccup rocked your body. He tucked himself away, grabbed one of his extra shirts, and threw it at you. It hit your chest. You sniffled, hiccupped again, and pulled the material over your head before hooking your arms through the sleeves. Your body felt as though it were on fire, as though anything touching it was searing your flesh.

You hooked part of the sleeve over the heel of your hand and wiped the cum off your leg. You paused midway through the action, finding that it was adding to your discomfort. “Creature?” Kylo Ren picked up the hand on which his name had been tattooed onto your finger; he slipped that specific digit into his mouth and sucked on it. The hand that was not holding onto your wrist moved between your legs, two of his fingers entering you. You spread your legs wider, hating yourself for doing so and yet realizing you would find no relief if you did not. Your finger left his mouth with a light _pop_.

“Do you like this tooke?” he asked, practically smiling at you. When you did not answer, his fingers paused. “You’re running out of time.” You wrinkled your nose, knowing he was going to be leaving soon due to the information that had been provided to him by the other Resistance captive. “Decide.”

You locked eyes with him. As though he did not care either way—and perhaps he didn’t—Kylo Ren started to remove his fingers. “Gg…” He paused, blinked, and pressed his lips tightly together. “P…pl…” You shook your head. You couldn’t do it. Kylo Ren hummed and finished removing his fingers. He sucked your juices off his fingers as he straightened himself. You watched him walk to his collection of ashes, pick up his helmet, and put it on before walking out of his quarters. “Damn it!” You reached for his holoprojector, threw it across the room, and bundled yourself under his blankets. It was still cold on Starkiller, and the shirt he had provided you with only kept your top warm.

You never complained that you didn’t have anything to do while he was gone; it was better than sitting in that cell with the First Order propaganda playing overhead all day. You would take naps, daydream about killing Kylo Ren, and at times exercise still. This time, you picked at the spot from where your blood had been drawn. It took what seemed to be hours before your arousal had at last fully left you.

When Kylo Ren returned, he was trailed by a droid carting your dinner and his. You sat up in bed, drawing your knees up towards your chest. The food smelled delicious, and your mouth instantly started watering. A tray was set up, on which the plates were put. The lids were lifted, and the droid exited the man’s quarters. There were two glasses of wine, which caused you pause. Your eyes lifted to Kylo Ren’s face, which had been revealed when he had removed his helmet. He climbed onto the bed beside you, tugged the tray closer, and handed you your glass. You held it by its stem and peered into the liquid. He seized his own flute of wine and clinked his against yours in a toast.

You brought the rim of the cup to your lips, taking a sip without actually tasting it. The alcohol stung, what with you not having drank anything of real flavor in quite some time. You winced, set the glass back on the tray, and waited. In the past, if you tried to begin eating before Kylo Ren was ready, you found your hand smacked away. He nudged your plate closer to you, and you picked up your utensils to begin eating. It was rice with what appeared to be either a curry or gravy with chunks of shredded meat inside. Things that required little chewing, given that he refused to have the caps permanently removed. Oh, he had allowed for a temporary removal of them while you were under his control so that new caps could be applied, the old ones cleaned.

You brought the first bite to your mouth, blew on it to eliminate some of the steam, and then slipped it past your lips. Rather than eat his food, Kylo Ren simply observed you. You noticed this only after the third bite. Your chewing slowed, and you looked hesitantly from the man’s face to your plate of food and then to the bite of food you had prepared. “What did you do?” you asked, setting down your spoon.

His lips split into a wry grin. “An ingredient in the curry—what do you think it is?”

You stared at the food in question, trying to figure out if he meant the meat or the curry itself. You figured it was the latter. What could possibly have him—you gagged. “No.”

“Hmm? Do you know, tooke?”

“You didn’t….”

“I did not make it.”

“You killed…you killed him…”

“His death was ordered. He was no longer necessary—and why should you care? He spilled so many secrets. You should be relieved that he perished.” You started to stick your finger down your throat, only to have him catch your wrist and tug your hand away from your mouth. The ashes of his enemy had been added to the powder of the curry, you knew. You had just consumed one of your ally’s remains. Unless he was lying, which you sincerely doubted given how much cruel glee was written on his face. He seized hold of your glass, offering it to the hand he held captive. You took the wine, draining it completely.

A large part of you wanted to throw the empty glass across the room, at his face. Yet you knew that he would stop either action, even if it meant using the Force. You replaced the glass on the tray then turned your back to him. You could hear Kylo Ren pushing away the tray. It hardly surprised you; the moment you had realized the ashes had been put into the curry, you had assumed he had previously eaten. His plate had been brought merely as a ploy to get you to eat your own food. You felt sick to your stomach.

“You’re vile.”

He chuckled. “It’s harmless, tooke.” You wrinkled your nose at his words, looking over your shoulder at him in unmasked disgust. You knew what he was implying. You had inhaled the ashes of your deceased comrades when he had shoved your face into them weeks ago. It was the fact of the matter, however; and you would not be budged on your stance with it. You turned away from him once more, prompting him to click his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Ignoring me, tooke?”

“No—I simply don’t want to look at you.” You brought your hands into your lap, setting the left over the right. You traced your ring finger on your right hand, caressing the name of _Ben Solo_ to remind yourself of the man’s history. To remind yourself of his _mother_ , who had helped with the creation of the Resistance for a reason. A reason you fully supported. You needed to remind yourself that the galaxy held more than just monsters.

Kylo Ren reached around you, setting his hand atop both of yours. His thumb trailed along the tattoo of his current name. When you did not pull away from him, he rested his chin atop your head. You could feel his breath in your hair, indicating he was breathing through his nose. You allowed your eyes to drift closed and pretended for a moment that it was not your enemy holding you, that it was someone more familiar—a faceless someone, any member of your now-destroyed splinter cell would have done.

“Should I blindfold you, tooke?” You sighed, his voice shattering the fantasy you had started to build in your head. “Remain completely silent and keep you from seeing my face. Would you pretend one of your comrades was fucking you? I know you start to think of them, to pretend _I_ am not the one near you. Would you ride my cock with enthusiasm?”

“You’re—“

“Disgusting?” he asked, his tone dripping mockery. You shook your head, once more frustrated with him. “You would call the wrong name, wouldn’t you?”

“So,” you said testily. “You _are_ frustrated that I refer to you only as ‘creature’. That’s all you are. Nothing more.”

“Sometimes I’m a monster, you say,” he teased. You looked towards your lap, at the way his hand was still upon yours. “So patient…” You broke out of his loose embrace, sliding under the covers so that you were lying on your side with your back to him. You stared at the helmet of Darth Vader. You had thought, in passing, of attempting to finish breaking it. You did fear to do so; it was not only your life you worried over. What else would he do in anger, you wondered. If he was able to passively harm you as he had in the past, you did not want to waste your time with such petty things to invoke his anger. You would rather his anger be aroused by a failed attempt to murder him.

You listened as he removed his clothing. The mattress shifted a few times, and you said nothing in response to the way it only added to the nausea that was still undulating through you at the knowledge that you had been fed some of your comrade’s remains. You were waiting for him to turn you over onto your back, to climb between your legs and fuck you as he did whenever he had stripped this way in the past. Instead, he laid against you, spooning with you.

As you had stated previously, he was your only form of what could pass as a conversational partner. Having been left alone for the majority of the day, you found yourself remembering this fact, much to your chagrin. “Creature?” No reply. “If I say your name, creature, what then?”

“How do you mean, tooke?”

“Nothing,” you said, a little breathily. “I won’t do it.” He lifted his hand to your neck, his hand enclosing around your throat. You winced when he started to squeeze. Not enough to fully cut off your air supply, but enough so that you felt the effects of a limited amount of oxygen. Kylo Ren released you of his own accord, and you rubbed your sore flesh. “You’re so temperamental.”

“You should dress if you so wish.” Your blood ran cold. There were extra clothes for you in the closet. An outfit that was meant to keep you warm when you were sent to your cell, where the lies of the First Order would play over and over again. “You have five minutes to decide.” He turned over, likely reaching for a commlink to summon a ‘trooper to take you away.

You moved so that you were facing him, your hands on his arm, which stilled. “I…” You were watching his face, which told you nothing other than that he was disappointed with you. Words would have no impact on him. Except, perhaps, if you uttered out that wretched name, which you would _not_ do, damn it! You cringed as you took one of your hands off his arm and instead placed it on his abdomen before trailing down further. You gripped his cock, pumping him. Kylo Ren stared at you for a passing second then resumed reaching for the commlink. “Wait!” He did not. “I need it!” you said desperately, hating yourself, but more fearful of being trapped in that cell for who knew how long. He had already proven he could go over a week without seeing you. The man paused again, his eyes sliding to your lips, which had started to quiver. You stroked him as you repeated the wretched phrase: “I need it.” You refused to do more than touch him until he said aloud that you would not have to go. Otherwise he could simply have you fuck him then send you away all the same; his word was good, you knew that much to be true. But he wasn’t saying anything.

He lifted up the commlink, bringing it to his ear as you wrapped a leg around his hip. You ground against him, growing wet at the feeling of his half-hard cock pressing up against your cunt. His thumb grazed over the call button. You sobbed out a single word: “Ren.” He stiffened, yet did not set down the commlink. You swallowed thickly at the saliva that had gathered in your mouth, at the thickness that was developing in your throat and threatening to choke you. “Kylo Ren.”

“You should dress if you wish,” he said once more. “Three minutes.”

Beyond desperate, you positioned his cock at your entrance and lowered yourself onto him. He grunted, allowed you to push him onto his back so that you could properly straddle him, and passively watched you as you started to ride him with tears streaming down your face. He was not meeting your thrusts, which caused you to lift a hand to your face. You wiped at your tears then took the knuckle of your index finger between your teeth as you hiccupped. His pupils dilated when you used your other hand to start touching yourself. You toyed with your clit, your actions unsure as you had never done this of your own accord. You felt him shudder underneath you.

“Crea—Kylo Ren,” you corrected yourself. His eyes were glued to your cunt, to your fingers teasing your clit and to the way his cock was slipping in and out of you. You trembled as a wave of pleasure started to roll through you, your body reacting to his. Kylo Ren met one of your thrusts, which caused hope to blossom within you. You rocked back and forth on his dick, his erection filling you up and stretching you. “Nnn…K-Ky…lo…R-ren,” you moaned out this time. His hands seized your hips, and he started fucking up into you. Your jaw dropped at the intense sensations running through you. Never before had you felt this good when fucking him. Your hope that he would not send you back to the cell mingled with your arousal.

He did not hold back either. Kylo Ren bucked up _hard_ , and you felt the head of his cock hit your cervix. It was slightly painful, yet you found yourself wanting to take him as deep into your body as you could—anything to get him to say you could stay, that you wouldn’t have to listen to the audios. Your finger started working faster against your clit. Kylo Ren batted away your hand, hooking his thumb against you instead. His pace was quicker than yours, and you came around him in a short amount of time, his name slipping from your lips.

You nearly collapsed on top of him, however the man shoved you onto your back, kneeling between your legs as he continued to pound his hips into yours, continued to toy with your clit, pinching it and tugging at it so that your legs spasmed and twitched. His mouth found your breast, his tongue lapping at you.

“Nn—d-d-don’t…wa…w-w-wa..n…t…to—“

“Shh,” he hissed out, throwing his head back. You could feel his cock pulsating inside you, could tell he was seconds away from cumming. He pulled out, his hand on his dick, jerking himself as he ejaculated on your stomach. He swiped up some of his cum, shoving his fingers into your mouth. You obediently sucked his semen off of his digits, staring pleadingly at him. “Okay, tooke. Kriff, you’re desperate, aren’t you?” You mentally berated yourself, yet at the same time allowed him to thrust his fingers back and forth in your mouth, fucking you with them. “If you disappoint me tonight, tooke, you’ll go to your cell.”

You grit your teeth. He kissed from your shoulder down to your cunt. You hooked your legs over his shoulders, bringing a smirk to his lips, which he pressed together so that he could kiss your clit. You eyed the wine glass, still empty, as he started to hungrily lick at you. It was out of reach. Kylo Ren paused, you felt him do so, and looked up at you.

“I…” You knew he knew what you had been thinking. You settled on the mattress. “I’ll be…good. Please.” Another night, you told yourself. When he was truly off-guard.

“This is your only warning, tooke.”

“Yes, crea—Kylo.” He parted your folds with that skilled tongue of his, and you got off on thinking of ways you could kill him while he ate you out.

_Sometimes we let the monsters play,_   
_Allow them to believe that they’ve won;_   
_But we are only biding our time—_   
_The victory is ours when the battle is done._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you catch any missing warnings, please feel free to let me know. I am working to write them as well as delete content that may contain major triggers.

** Three Blind Tooke**

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Eight: Hold On :: Let Go

[Chapter Warnings: thoughts of potential pregnancy; nongraphic scenes of battle; being chipped (birth control) and slight medical content; some emotional gaslighting; mind invasion; fighting; concussion; attempted murder; threats; vomiting; breaking fingers]

_We pity monsters,  
Yet wish for their deaths.  
They pity us too,  
Until our last breaths._

You awoke the following morning with your legs entangled with his. Kylo Ren was already in a conscious state; it was the sounds of him conversing with the physician who had drawn your blood that had disrupted your sleep. The results showed that you were currently anemic, which hardly surprised you. What did shock you a minute amount was that it appeared your health was the reason for the treatment; Kylo Ren wanted to ensure that your body was physically sound. They had also checked your vitamin levels. You were vitamin d deficient, not that you had expected anything less. The sound of a bottle of pills being set down on the bedside table alerted you to the fact that this would be remedied.

When the physician mentioned that you were not with child, you felt yourself stiffen. Had he been trying—? But, no; your captor released a light noise prior to stating his wishes for you to be chipped before breakfast. The device would release hormones to temporarily keep you from being impregnated. It was a process that was easily reversible, yet you had previously elected to not be chipped when you had been with the Resistance.

Aware that you were already awake, Kylo Ren nudged you towards the edge of the bed. You seized hold of the bed sheet, wrapping it around yourself as you stood on wobbly legs. He also stood, his hands steadying you so that you did not collapse. Kylo Ren informed the physician that the two of you would shower, and at that point you would be ready to be chipped. The physician responded by stating he would get the materials straight away. He then dismissed himself and left. At that point, Kylo Ren placed a hand on your upper arm and steered you towards the refresher. On the way, he grabbed the bottle of vitamins, emptying one into his hand and giving it to you. You held onto the pill until you were in the refresher. There, you placed the pill near the back of your throat, turned on the water in the sink, and cupped your hand to take a small drink with which you were able to swallow the vitamin.

_I need to regain my strength to slay **this** monster._

You stepped into the shower with your captor without having to be told to do so. You wanted more than anything to clean yourself. The hot spray also felt nice, given how sore your muscles were following your activities the previous night.

Your mind was sorting through the fact that you were to be chipped. It wasn’t something you would have normally wished to occur, however you had no desire to carry the man’s child. It would have been one thing if you knew you could escape while pregnant; at that point, you could have dealt with it by allowing yourself to be calm with the knowledge that it would be General Organa’s grandchild you were carrying. As it was, all you would be able to focus on would be that it was this creature’s spawn.

When you were younger, you had always imagined having a family. Perhaps it had much to do with watching your parents together. Playing with a doll your father had bought for you. After joining the Resistance, however, you had decided to put any such plans on hold. You hadn’t even thought about being in any sort of romantic relationship in well over two years. Not that it was romance between you and the man with whom you were showering. The relationship—if that it could be called—was strained. Purely physical, with the underlying fact that you wished him dead. You dropped your gaze to your hands, to the two names he had tattooed on your flesh.

You sighed, grabbed the shampoo, and proceeded to wash your hair. Kylo Ren stepped around you in order to wet his hair as well. You shifted back, your fingers massaging the lather through your locks. As you did this, you allowed yourself time to gaze at the muscles of his back, of his arms. You would not be able to overpower him if it came to a purely physical fight. True, you were patient as he had stated, yet that patience was being tried. Your mind was your own—unless he used the Force to mind-trick you. You knew that his success in these feats were in part due to his power, but also due to your weakened state. You were emotionally vulnerable, desperate, oftentimes not thinking perfectly clear.

Lifting your gaze to his hair, your fingers paused. You blinked, recalling a picture you had seen of his mother when she was younger. His hair was perhaps a little darker than hers had been, yet there was a similarity in its waves. You could not help but wonder of the pain General Organa was in, knowing that her son had been seduced by the Dark side. That he was fighting against her. Some would say that it was due to him being the grandson of Darth Vader. You doubted that to be the case entirely. Had he been following in the footsteps of his grandfather, why would he admit to being tempted by the light? Perhaps there was much you were ignorant of when it came to the fallen lord.

This did not, naturally, lessen your desire to kill him. He was responsible for his own actions; he had _chosen_ to commit them. It did, however, renew your sense of pity. For both his mother and the man himself. You knew _of_ Han Solo, but had never personally met the man. Thus your sense of pity for him was a minute thought that lasted for the briefest of seconds.

You stepped forward, and Kylo Ren moved aside so that you could rinse the shampoo from your hair. Keeping your eyes closed lest the lather irritate them, you pictured the last base on which you had trained. The weather had been pleasant there, nothing as it was on Starkiller. You had never celebrated your kills, though you had enjoyed your victories. That you had to kill anyone, really, upset you—war was not a pleasant thing, however you _were_ willing to fight for what was right. It was not like with the First Order, who killed entire villages at a whim.

“The first time I saw you on the battlefield…” You paused midway through speaking. Kylo Ren said nothing, which caused you to glance his way. He was watching you with mild curiosity. “I didn’t think you were human.” You took a step back to allow him access to the water. He finished washing his hair while you continued to speak. “Ip”—it was the nickname one of your older comrades had told you to refer to him by—“kept insisting that you were. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t _want_ to believe him.”

_The first time you had seen him on the battlefield, the sounds of gunfire had been echoing in your ears. Some of the blasters the stormtroopers were carrying were set to stun, though most were set to kill. You watched as both sides lost men. People dropped like flies. You had been watching this through the scope of your rifle, your mouth open in horror. Ip gestured towards the black figure. The red plasma blade of the lightsaber cut through another of the Resistance members then batted away a shot that had been directed his way. Your eyebrows rose in surprise. This creature, you had thought, was skilled._

_“That’s Kylo Ren,” Ip told you, preparing his own weapon. Your eyes darted to him. It had been on your previous mission that you had had to shoot your comrade, to put him out of his misery after his weapon had backfired. Ip paused, no doubt sensing where your thoughts had traveled. “Don’t shoot. Leave it to me—if I get a clear shot at him, I’ll take it. Your nerves will get the better of you, and you’ll give us away.”_

_You knew better than to argue. Ip was not insulting you, nor questioning your skill. He nodded in the direction of the black figure again. You watched the creature’s ability to deflect another two blasts. Kylo Ren twirled his lightsaber around in a circle before swinging it in an arc above his head, bringing it down through the body of another of your allies. You grit your teeth._

_“What species is it?” you asked, your expression tinged with disgust._

_Ip scoffed, huffing and shaking his head. “Human, Meep.” Meep. He referred to you as that given that during your first meeting, you had stubbed your toe on a piece of equipment and had released such a noise. “Hard to believe, but that is a human.”_

_“No,” you said simply, shaking your head. “No, that’s not… You’re joking.”_

_“Not joking, Meep,” Ip insisted. You could not stop shaking your head. The black figure was graceful, a fact you could not deny despite him being on the opposing side. “Kylo Ren is human.” He readied his weapon, his finger over the trigger._

_He never fired that day. The two of you simply watched helplessly as the creature—human—known as Kylo Ren killed more than eight of your comrades. That was also the first time you saw their bodies gathered, taken away. Never knowing that he was adding to his ash collection._

“I was finally going to fire… How did you find me?”

“When you ducked to avoid that explosion, light reflected off your weapon. A happy mistake—the stormtroopers had overshot their target.” He turned to face you. “Had I realized then which Resistance member you were, I would have ensured your death.” Kylo Ren took a step towards you, and you stepped back in retreat. Your back hit the wall of the shower, which allowed him to corner you. His face was mere inches from yours. “Not immediately, tooke. You would have been taken for questioning. The officers of the First Order would likely have failed to break you if that were the case. You were destined to be my prisoner.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you said with a false bravado. “As you stated, you got lucky.”

Kylo Ren’s lips twitched, a wry grin forming. “You think your shot would have hit me?” You dropped your gaze. “Finish washing.” This indicated he was growing tired of showering. He refused to allow you to leave before him, however. That would give you the chance to find something to attempt to electrocute him with; this he knew from your wandering gaze every time you entered the refresher with him.

The two of you dried prior to reentering the bedroom. You stood in the middle of the room with his bed sheets once more wrapped around your body. The physician had returned and was readying the device, as well as sterilizing the area he planned on inserting it. You winced and released a cry of pain as the physician completed the task. A swear left your lips, and you turned, running your fingers near the area, which was sensitive.

“I have spoken with the kitchen regarding what nutrients she is lacking, Lord Ren,” the physician said as the man he was addressing finished dressing. Kylo Ren twisted his wrists, rolling them so that the gloves he wore were adjusted to better fit him. “Along with the pills, her levels should return to what is desired.” He cleared his throat, visibly nervous before speaking the next portion. “It would be best if she did not… For approximately twenty-four hours, at which point the chip should be working to its full capacity, she should not engage in—“

“I see,” Kylo Ren said, looking at the other man. “That is well.” The physician nodded, seemingly relieved that he had in no way angered the man. You wondered what sort of temper Kylo Ren had. Sure, he had reacted violently when you had attempted to kill him, however that was to be expected. The physician exited Kylo Ren’s quarters, and a mere six minutes later breakfast was brought to the room.

Given what had occurred the previous night, you did not take a single bite until Kylo Ren had done so first. While the dishes were cleared by a droid, Kylo Ren put on his helmet and left. You sat there on the bed, the taste of breakfast still on your tongue. You were thankful that he had not sent you back to the cell. He had, after all, only promised you that last night he would not. You stood from the bed and walked over to the helmet of Darth Vader. It looked as though it had been burned, the metal warped and in a great state of ruin. You lifted a hand, your fingers hovering near the object though you did not quite touch it.

You had never touched it, not yet. Thus, when the tips of your fingers made contact, you jumped at the feel of it underneath your flesh. You released a shaky breath, a tingling sensation traveling along the back of your neck. You felt as though you were dreaming. Not necessarily a nightmare. Alone in a room with the helmet of one of the most feared individuals of the galaxy. The metal was cool to the touch.

This was the mask of the man who had sired General Organa. When this fact had been discovered, many in the New Republic had acted in almost an outrage. They questioned her credibility. The sins of the father, you noted mentally. You swallowed thickly and lifted the old relic, cradling it in your arms and carrying it back to the bed. You curled up on the mattress, the helmet of Darth Vader resting against your stomach with your hand set atop it. Your other arm was curled under your head.

You jumped at the sound of the door opening an indeterminate amount of time later. You looked over your shoulder at the man, who was stomping inside. His hands were in fists at his side. He paused for half a beat, the visor of his helmet pointed at the now empty table on which the relic normally sat. Kylo Ren strode over to it, his entire body screaming _will kill you_ to anyone who dared breathe wrong. There was something dangerous about him, and you remained perfectly silent in the hopes that he would not remember you were present. Kylo Ren turned sharply with his torso alone, his fists tightening as he stared at you.

“I…” You choked on your words, flinching and subconsciously tugging the helmet of Vader closer to your body. He turned now with his feet as well, walking to you. His steps were less angry, however no less predatory. You curled up all the more, your legs and hand clutching the object of the man’s grandfather.

“You wanted something to hold onto,” he stated, his modulated voice deeper than his real voice, the voice you were more accustomed to hearing. His helmet turned as he appeared to trail his gaze from your head to your feet. Kylo Ren looked once more to the helmet you were clasping. “Tooke.” You knew well _why_ he called you that name, had known since the first time he had uttered it. “She was from there as well. And he was, too.” You knew the _he_ that Kylo Ren spoke of referred to Emperor Palpatine. He had been from Naboo, your birth planet. But the she—that had you furrowing your brow. It took you nearly a minute to remember his maternal grandmother. “It was sentiment that was the downfall of the Empire. Sentiment that led to her death.”

“I…may be sentimental for wanting to hold onto something,” you said softly, “but… _You_ have this.”

“A reminder.” He reached forward, and you thought for a moment his intention was to pluck the helmet out from your grasp. Instead, Kylo Ren set three of his gloved fingers to your wrist. “You feared to touch yourself, tooke, and I saw why that was.” The muscle in your arm spasmed, causing the limb to twitch under his touch. “There was no _real_ reason to fear it. Merely words, admonitions against doing so.” He chuckled. “Ironically, I think those who spoke such words, some of them did so. They made you too embarrassed to become comfortable with your own body. _Lied_ to you. Something so…simple.”

Kylo Ren trailed his fingers down so that he was able to grab hold of the helmet you were clutching. It was with great reluctance that you relinquished your grip on it. He pulled the object of his grandfather out of your hands, turned, and returned it to its proper place.

“That doesn’t mean they didn’t love me,” you whispered, regarding his former statements.

The man stood with his back to you. You could see that he was staring at the helmet. “That won’t ever negate their lies, will it?” You did not reply to this, not knowing what to say. It would not change the lies, their opposing views, their refusal to accept an urge you had always understood to be, deep down, natural. It was such a simple thing, this was true.

“I don’t think she lied about it to hurt you,” you said, your eyes shifting from the man’s back to the helmet he was also looking at. “I… I get that it doesn’t make it…right, but… I don’t understand how you can… How can you kill so…easily? It’s _not_ simple.” He sighed, once more walking to the edge of the bed. Kylo Ren reached towards you again, this time slipping his hand into yours. He did not close his fingers around you, simply allowed his limb to remain there. Your fingers twitched before you reluctantly grasped at the leather-clad hand.

Kylo Ren pulled you to your feet, drawing you off the bed and onto the ground in front of him. “It isn’t always easy to do the right thing,” he stated.

“But you aren’t…” You trailed off, realizing that, really, it came down to perspective. Which frustrated you immeasurably. “I don’t agree with the First Order. I _never_ will. What you’re offering is tyranny. The Empire tried that, and—“

“And the Republic tried, and failed, as well. Your arguments are invalidated by their very nature. The things you state in opposition to the First Order, the New Republic is plenty guilty of as well.”

“Not everything,” you insisted.

“You know so little.”

You scoffed. “Whatever _you_ know is no less secondhand information than what I’ve been given.”

“I will concede that point, tooke,” Kylo Ren said, silencing you. “Still… You cannot deny that the New Republic is flawed. Why would you require a _Resistance_ if it was not?” Again, you had no argument.

“I will never agree with your methods.” You looked at your hand, still held in his—still holding his. “I see no honor in them. Ruling with fear… I _hate_ the position you have me in. This is _not_ living. I’m simply slowly dying each day. You’re _merciless_.”

“And you—I should assume _you_ would show your enemy mercy?” The taunting tone he took on was only amplified by the vocoder through which he was speaking.

“I wouldn’t deny my enemy their dignity,” you said in return.

Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. “Perhaps you are more honorable than your comrades. But I do not think you would be so weak.” You flinched. It was true that, if given the chance, some of the Resistance members would employ cruel tactics with which to interrogate a First Order officer. War, you reminded yourself yet again, was ugly. “I have offered you mercy, tooke. You deny it so often. You reject my offer to be treated as a guest. Insist you are a prisoner, act unruly so that I have no choice but to treat you as such. These are _your_ actions, tooke. Your decisions. You cannot blame your enemy for things _you_ choose to do. I am no mere scapegoat.”

“I won’t…let you defeat me with some _mockery_ of kindness and civility,” you said, your voice cracking. You could not deny that he was wearing you down emotionally. Isolating you as he had, you had developed _something_ with him. A connection that was neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It was simply there, a mixture of both comfort and discomfort. Your grip on his hand tightened. You had to hold onto something, anything, to remind yourself that this was all real. “I won’t betray my comrades to you—any of them. Anything I can keep from you… I won’t…”

“You wish my parentage was different,” he stated, chuckling in dry amusement. “Oh, tooke.” You placed your free hand over your mouth to muffle a sob. It _did_ bother you that this was the son of your general. It always would. Though you could compartmentalize when it came down to it, though you were still willing to kill him, you knew the pain that would be inflicted on the woman you had sworn to follow. It was not just the cause you supported. General Organa herself had inspired you. The Huttslayer, a strong woman. This was a reason you had decided to put off having a family when you joined the Resistance; fearing that your loved ones, a husband or a child, would be killed… It was the ultimate weakness; that much, Kylo Ren had never lied about. Sentiment _was_ a weakness. You knew more though; you knew it was a double-edged sword. A weakness, yes; but also a strength.

He brushed back some of the hair from your face, his knuckles grazing your forehead. Then he set his palm to the side of your head. You realized too late what he was doing; he was already worming his way inside your head, digging through the line that connected sentiment with the first time you become emotionally attached to the Resistance cause. You tried to throw up walls, which were thrust aside by tendrils of pain he sent your way. You screamed, trying to wrench your hand out of his, which clamped down more tightly. You used your other limb, however, to grab at his wrist. You were screaming loudly, your throat feeling as though it was being ripped.

“They would use similar bases for training, tooke. The Resistance is always moving but—I see it, tooke,” he said, brushing his thumb along the back of your hand as he clasped onto the various planets and terrains on which you trained. The two sister cells would have likely used those places as well, you knew. All he had to do now was have the First Order look through logs to see which ships had been there, anything of suspicion further investigated. He removed his hand from your head, breaking away from your mind.

You thrust yourself at him, head-butting him in the chest. He hardly grunted, however you immediately developed something of a headache. You had nearly forgotten that the clothing he wore was armor. At the same time, you did not let this distract you for long. Your hand still captive in his, your movements were limited. You brought your knee up between his legs, aiming for what you knew to be a very sensitive spot. Kylo Ren simply swiped a foot against the leg that was still on the ground. This caused you to lose your footing. You slipped, and he released your hand so that you fell to the floor, your head hitting the hard surface so that you saw spots of red and black. You instantly stilled, bile rising in your throat.

Kylo Ren stepped over you, and you listened to the echoes of his footfalls as he exited his quarters again. He had gotten what he had come back for. And you… You reached behind your head, wincing and then drawing your hand back to your face. Blood stained your fingertips.

Feeling another sob wrack your frame, you slowly rolled onto your hands and knees. You crawled to the wardrobe, dressed yourself in the warmer clothes that were intended for when you were locked away in your cell, and then crawled to the door. You placed your palms to the wall. It took you quite some time to work your way into a standing position. You were dizzy, nausea coming at you in waves. You reached for the button, pressing and holding it down until the doors opened.

As you had expected, there were Stormtroopers down the hallways, however they all were facing away from you. You rounded the corner of Kylo Ren’s door, using your hand as a guide against the wall, and shuffled down a corridor down which you saw no troopers. The base was carved into the planet’s surface. Stone mixed with metal. You recognized some of these features from all the times you had been led to your cell. This was a different path, though. Unfamiliar ground, which caused you to be ever-more cautious.

Perhaps due to the fact that you were anemic, the blow to your head had more of an impact than you had thought. You could see a door to the outside when you pitched forward, vomiting on the ground. You collapsed onto your hands and knees. The liquid of the vomit trailed to your hands, coating your gloves. You could feel the warmth through the material, yet hardly had time to dwell on the disgust that bubbled in you before you were throwing up again.

The noises of you getting sick alerted one of the ‘troopers making his rounds to your presence. He swore, and you could hear him talking into his headset. Calling for a medic, stating something about ‘Lord Ren’s prisoner’. From his position behind you, he could see the wound to your head, and he commented on the blood. You heard the response, that a physician had already been on his way to Kylo Ren’s quarters. You wrinkled your nose at the knowledge that your captor had to have been the one to send for the physician after he had caused you to hit your head.

You knew the moment Kylo Ren had drawn close to your location. You could _hear_ his footsteps, which sounded much like they had when he had noticed the missing helmet. You seized the blaster from the Stormtrooper who was at your side. He had not expected the action, nor that you would slam the butt of the weapon into the face of his helmet. You turned, clicked the weapon to _kill_ and fired the moment Kylo Ren stepped into view. He held up a hand, the blast stopping mere inches from his face. You fired off a second shot before the Force took grip of you. This shot was deflected by his lightsaber, which he had grabbed at the sound of the first and activated.

Your vision alternated between blurring and doubling. Kylo Ren stepped around the blast that was suspended in the air. You narrowed your eyes at him. The plasma blade of his saber hummed with power. The red glow of it highlighted the area around the two of you. The stormtrooper, who had started to stand after regaining his full senses, kept in a low crouch. His stance showed he was ready to listen to anything Kylo Ren said to him, showed that he feared death for his failure.

The darkly clad man snatched the blaster from you and shoved it back into the arms of the ‘trooper, whom he dismissed. As the Stormtrooper scrambled away, Kylo Ren kept his mask pointed your way. “You have learned nothing, tooke.” You continued to glare at him. His hand found yours, and your glare faltered into a look of horror when he isolated your three fingers away from your thumb and pinky. “This will hurt,” he promised. You were handed control of your body just as he applied pressure to your digits. You screamed in agony as he broke the bones in your fingers. The pain, coupled with your previous injury, caused you to pass out.

You imagined he must have leaned down and scooped you up, for you woke up cradled in his arms right as the door to his quarters was opening. The physician was waiting for you, all necessary materials set on two trays beside the bed. “If you could hold her still…” Kylo Ren moved onto the bed, situating you between his outstretched legs. You, still very dizzy, set down your hand to steady yourself. Only to scream and cry out in pain as you put pressure onto your three broken digits. Having no doubt noticed your newest injuries, the physician picked up his commlink and called for items with which to stabilize your fingers. He then started to move aside your hair in order to get a better look at your head wound. “Humm… It doesn’t appear to need stitches.” You winced and hissed as he pressed around the wound, testing the flesh. “She was vomiting, I hear?”

“Yes,” Kylo Ren said, cupping your wrist so that you did not again place weight onto your broken bones.

“Look my way,” the physician said, clicking on a light, which he shined into your eyes. “Definitely a concussion. She should be kept under observation.” A second physician entered with the materials for your fingers. “I would… Lord Ren, I think it best if… If either she is transferred to the medical ward, or else either myself or another physician remain here during the observations.”

“You may remain here,” Kylo Ren said, as though it were not an issue. You flinched, crying while your fingers were tended to. The physician used a small machine, which took the X-rays. Minor breaks, he declared. Nothing that required surgery. Your fingers were bound so that you could not move them. Not that you wanted to.

“No NSAID medications for the time being…” He glanced to your fingers. “We’ll be sure to ice those to keep the swelling down.” As he spoke, the physician withdrew what appeared to be acetaminophen, which he passed to Kylo Ren along with a drink that had a straw. The pills were placed in your mouth, followed by the straw. You swallowed, feeling a fresh wave of nausea that caused you to gag. You managed, however, to keep the pills down.

You were stripped out of some of the layers of your clothing, which were set on the ground where your gloves had previously been discarded, and then tucked into bed. You laid on your side so that you did not sleep on your wound, which had been cleaned by the physician. Kylo Ren was seated behind you. You felt his eyes traveling along you, and you wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Yet your throbbing fingers kept you silent, save for your continued sobs and whimpers.

Instead of leaving you again, you heard Kylo Ren’s voice as he spoke over the commlink to a person by the name of Captain Phasma. He gave the list of the planets he had taken from your head. You felt fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. He set aside the communications device, and remained with you. When at last you could stay silent no longer, you said:

“Go _away_ , **creature**.”

You felt him stiffen. Could hear what was almost a sharp intake of breath before the mattress rocked as he rose to his feet. He stormed out of the room. Before the door closed, you heard the lightsaber activating. Once it had closed, new noises rang into your ear. The sounds of him slicing through the walls across the hall. You felt cold, shivering and squeezing your eyes closed. He had been so _calm_ when he had hurt you. Even when he had retaliated against you when you had tried to pour ashes down his throat, he had never sounded so out of control, so enveloped in his anger as he did right then. Shouts of frustration, distorted by his mask and hardly drowned out by the acts of destruction he was committing.

You had never realized you could be so afraid of someone before.

_Listen to your mother, sweet child,_  
The night will fade into the day;  
Listen to your father, dear one,  
All the nightmares chased away.


	9. Chapter 9

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Nine: Monster by Fate

[Chapter Warnings: continued medical treatment due to concussion; drugging; forced mind reading; somewhat dubcon explicit sex (edited for this edition); semi public sex; squirting; multiple orgasms; mentions of former rape]

_As a child, you were told of heroes; adulthood came, and you learned they were not extraordinary. They were simply strong enough to make the right choices_

The physician awoke you at intermittent intervals. Each time, you asked his name; and each time, you forgot before falling asleep. When you woke up for perhaps the eighth time, you remained conscious for longer than ten minutes. You stared around at your surroundings, asked once more what the physician’s name was. Urvno repeated it again, sounding patient as ever. You had been given another blanket, which was due to the temperature dropping. You smoothed out some of the creases in the material, and looked from the helmet of Vader to the chair. It was empty. You slowly slipped up so that your back was supported by the headboard. Kylo Ren was nowhere in the room. You strained to listen, seeing if you could hear him in the refresher. Nothing.

Urvno offered you more pain medication as well as a small drink. You accepted these gratefully, unable to use your dominate hand due to three of its fingers being broken. You put the pills in your mouth, took the drink, and downed both the fluid and medication. As he accepted the cup back from you, you asked Urvno where your captor was. Your exact words were: Where is he?

He responded with the simple answer of _away_. He remained away, and Urvno remained with you, for eight days. The physician took breaks here and there, and the door to Kylo Ren’s quarters was locked, trapping you inside. When the door did open, and when you had expected to see Urvno but instead took in the sight of your captor, you felt your heart hiccup. Aside from assuring that you were medically sound, Urvno had refused to partake in any sort of conversation with you. You knew this to be due to his orders, due to Kylo Ren’s wishes to keep you isolated, desperate for interaction—for him.

Kylo Ren was carrying a thermos in his hand, which he handed to you when he arrived at the bed. You reached for it with your good hand, using the heel of your injured hand to help keep it stable after drawing the thermos closer to yourself. You tilted it a little, looking at the brown liquid that could be seen through the parted lip. Some steam erupted, however not enough to indicate it was too hot to drink. You blew on it all the same, set the edge of the lid to your lips, and took a sip. Your favorite flavor of cocoa. It warmed your body with a single sip, which was all you had taken before lowering the cup. You stared at the thermos while enduring Kylo Ren’s gaze. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, as though he was waiting for something. As though he was nervous—his humanity threw you off guard; it truly was your weakness, and you did not wish for him to be able to properly use it against you again, did not want him to be able to pry more information from your mind.

Now that you knew of the anger of which he was capable, you were too afraid to pass him back the thermos, to reject the drink due to the fact that it likely represented what could pass as an apology for his actions. Not that you believed he felt poorly of his decision to break your fingers. It was likely the concussion he regretted if anything; he had, after all, sent for a physician right away. Or perhaps it was not an apology at all. It could have been nothing more than a bribe, to trick you into no longer referring to him as _creature_.

You lifted the rim of the lid to your lips again, taking another drink of the warm liquid. Kylo Ren straightened the slightest bit; you had not even noticed he had started to slouch until that moment. The actions reminded you of a pet seeking approval after having done something naughty. Perhaps it had bitten its owner. Animals could be unpredictable—why would you think of him as anything other than a creature? Your gaze slid to your broken fingers, which were on the mend. You did not to take medication for the pain as frequently. As for your concussion, you had healed from it though you occasionally experienced minor symptoms. Those, too, were lessening with time. Urvno assured you that you would return to normal health soon. You had stared at him with a deep frown when he had said that. _Nothing_ was normal anymore. Or else it _was_ normal, the new normal, and you wished things would become unusual instead.

In his attempt to placate you with the cocoa, Kylo Ren also behaved…you could not put your finger on the word. Unsure of himself—cautious? Calculating, perhaps. He was still standing at the bedside and watching you.

“Are you waiting until my defenses are down to tell me that you located the other two splinter cells?” you snapped irritably. He stood there without answering. You scrunched up your face and held the thermos out to him. Kylo Ren accepted the item without comment, placed it on the bedside table, and then faced you once more. You drew your knees towards your chest, wrapped your arms around your legs, and glowered at the wall across from you.

Kylo Ren moved at long last, walking around the bed and to the helmet of Darth Vader. This he lifted. You blinked your eyes tiredly, a swear leaving your lips. He had drugged you. Acts of human kindness really _were_ your weakness. You stretched out your legs and awkwardly moved off the bed. Holding the helmet in one hand, Kylo Ren rounded the bed again to still you with his other limb. He placed it atop your head, preventing you from moving in any direction. You would not necessarily lose consciousness with the drug that had been given to you. It kept you docile, sluggish.

“Are you moving me off of Starkiller?” you mumbled, not struggling against either him or the drug.

“Yes,” the man answered you while withdrawing his hand from your person now that he knew you would behave. “Urvno will join us. You seem to listen well to his advice.” He was offering you the only semblance of comfort he could. A somewhat familiar face. “Do you plan on walking, or shall I be forced to carry you?” You blinked three times in rapid succession whilst releasing a hum of thought. As much as you did not want to admit it, you would not be as stable on your feet as you desired. This could lead to you accidentally attempting to use your injured hand for support should you stumble. You clenched your jaw and glanced up at Kylo Ren with a sour expression.

He readjusted his grip on the helmet so that it was once more in his hands. The man then scooped you up into his arms. You turned your face away from him, very perturbed that you were in this situation. As he carried you out of his quarters, you glanced back at the thermos. Despite it carrying a drug, the cocoa had been good; much more flavorful than the plain drinks you had been being given. It had nearly reminded you of when you had trained for colder elements with your comrades.

Kylo Ren carried you through portions of Starkiller you had not yet seen. More stone and metal. Traces of ice here and there as well. You cuddled closer to him, the cold causing your teeth to begin clattering together. You were more than thankful that you were leaving Starkiller, although you were apprehensive as to where, exactly, he was taking you. You had been away from the Resistance for over two months now. Your allies all believed you to be dead. It wasn’t far off from the truth. You sniffled a little as Kylo Ren boarded his Command Shuttle with you. You heard the pilot and copilot referring to it as the Limo.

Urvno was already aboard the Limo. You glanced his way as Kylo Ren set you down in the seat beside his. You did not struggle or protest when he buckled you in. No one said much at all, in fact, during the entire trip. You stared at various components of the shuttle, and eventually dosed off for part of the journey.

When you opened your eyes, the shuttle was approaching—your stomach dropped at the sight of the Star Destroyer. It was not something from which you could escape. You suddenly felt more helpless than you had since you had first been captured. You rested your head against the back of the chair, fighting off the urge to cry as the Command Shuttle arrived in the docking bay of the Star Destroyer.

The door opened, and you glanced towards the entrance. Then did a double-take. That cold feeling that had traveled through your body at the sight of the Star Destroyer returned with more strength. You _recognized_ the man standing there. General Hux. He was notorious amongst the Resistance. A merciless man, whose icy stare landed on you.

“Have you discovered anything further?” General Hux asked, addressing Kylo Ren. The darkly robed man had freed himself from the seatbelt and also removed yours. He did not answer the red haired man immediately, opting instead to pull you to your feet and direct you towards the exit. General Hux stepped to the side to keep you from crashing into him. He stared at you with a sneer. “It is pertinent that we know if hers was the first splinter cell or not.”

“You will have your information in time,” Kylo Ren said, that cold mask of his turning to regard the general.

“In the meantime, Ren, see to it that she is properly restrained.” He turned on his heel and proceeded to walk away.

Kylo Ren did nothing to stop the officer who had been standing near the general from stepping closer to you. The man bound your wrists in restraints, a small gap between your arms due to the thick bar of the cuffs. The officer stepped away and, like General Hux, also left. Urvno stepped off the Command Shuttle and strode away, presumably to medbay.

A stormtrooper approached when motioned by your captor. The ‘trooper was instructed to take you to Kylo Ren’s quarters. The man—perhaps woman, but you did not know for certain either way—nodded, set his blaster to stun, and proceeded to do as he had been told. You did not struggle, a bit too shell shocked to even think of doing so. If you could find a way to blow up this entire ship, you would take out a good chunk of the First Order’s leadership, not to mention assist the Resistance a great deal. You doubted this was a feat you could accomplish. There were too many guards. Not to mention the fact that Kylo Ren himself was keeping you close nearly all the time.

Kylo Ren’s quarters aboard the Star Destroyer were perhaps even more depressing than all the others despite the lack of any canister of ashes. A chair, a bed, a small table on which he could place Darth Vader’s helmet, and a wardrobe that was smaller than his previous ones. Your eyes darted towards the bed. No bedside tables. The stormtrooper was not distracted by such details in the least, ushering you to the bed and setting you there. He punched in a code at the door, shielding the sight of it from you with his body, and then left. Locked in, you sighed and stared at the nothing-to-do-here room.

With your arms bound as they were, it was not as though you were left with much ability to workout as you had in the past. Still, you knew there were at least _some_ exercises left to you. You slid off the bed, lowered yourself to the ground, and started to do them. When you grew sore, you maneuvered yourself back onto the bed and curled up there. Aside from using the refresher—which was an experience in itself with your arms bound and one hand with three broken fingers—you remained there for what you could only assume was the remainder of the waking cycle.

No food was brought to you. Your stomach growled noisily, and you hushed it while cursing your dependence on the First Order for nutrients. It took you quite some time, however you managed to fall asleep despite your growling stomach.

What awoke you in the middle of the night was the light hisses of a whisper. You looked towards the cause of the susurrations, eyeing him quietly from your spot on the bed. Kylo Ren was seated at the very edge of the chair, his body and head pointed towards the helmet of Darth Vader. You could not tell exactly what he was saying. That he was talking to an inanimate object, however, caused your heart to throb. You did not want to have pity for the creature that Ben Solo had become. Yet General Organa’s son had to have been utterly _lost_ for him to be sitting there speaking to the relic of the fallen Lord Vader.

The angle of his body reminded you of youth. It was awkward, unsure. Quite unlike the man who had forced you into his bed, who had killed so many of your comrades.

The whispers died away; Kylo Ren’s chin dipped almost imperceptibly, and you knew he was aware that you had awoken, that you had been watching him. You waited, holding your breath, to see what he would do. He rose from the chair and, without ever fully looking your way, exited his quarters.

You stared at the door. It bothered you that you felt a tug, that you felt _lonely_ and wanted _him_ there in bed with you. Not touching you, simply near you. His presence itself. Your stomach once more made known your hunger. Yet another reason you wanted him to return. Perhaps he would feed you if he realized your current state.

You spent the rest of the sleep cycle alone. Breakfast was brought to you by a ‘trooper. He handed you the food as well as the vitamin you were to take. Given that you were still bound, he waited until you were finished eating—at times assisting you in taking bites—before leaving. Not long thereafter, another stormtrooper came to retrieve you. He escorted you out of Kylo Ren’s quarters. You did not struggle in the least. There were ‘troopers and officers everywhere. Not to mention the fact that you weren’t a pilot, so escape was impossible. And you would need plenty of time to mess with their systems in order to do any real damage; time that you did not have and would not be granted.

The stormtrooper took you to an interrogation room. You recognized the table to which you would be chained from the holoprojection Kylo Ren had watched when he had pinned you down. The restraints from your wrists were removed, only for you to be affixed to the table. The ‘trooper also hooked you up to a device that displayed your vitals. As the stormtrooper was finishing with his tasks, General Hux strode into the room. The heart monitor displayed the alteration, bringing a smirk to the redhead’s lips.

“It appears my reputation precedes me,” he said conversationally. You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. You knew what he wanted; he had questioned Kylo Ren about it the previous day. “I am told you’re rather stubborn when it comes to divulging information.” His hands, which were previously crossed behind his back, came towards you. He used one to lift part of the front of your shirt. His other hand traced along the scar from where Kylo Ren had pierced you with his lightsaber. “I have heard of your attempted escapes, of the way you were able to obtain a blaster and fire at Ren. He allowed you far too many liberties.”

“You believe you can do better?” you asked, watching his every move, feeling his gloved fingertips on your flesh. His gaze jerked up to your face, however he said nothing and revealed nothing in his expression. You waited several seconds before saying, “You aren’t here to interrogate me.”

“You’re Ren’s prisoner, that is understood.” His touch at last left you. You swallowed thickly. “It simply occurred to me that I had failed to welcome you aboard the _Finalizer_.”

“What a gaudy name,” you bit out. His lips quirked up; General Hux gave you a wry grin that had you averting your gaze. The door to the interrogation room opened. Kylo Ren entered, hardly glancing the redhead’s way. He walked directly to you, silently assessing you. You stared at his boots while attempting to throw up your mental walls. He set a hand to your head, and you started screaming as you felt him invading your mind. It felt as though he was digging around, every so often sending sharp tendrils into you that caused your brain to register pain.

“We do have the logs that show which ships the Resistance preferred when sending the cells to train,” General Hux drawled. Your mind flashed to the shuttles despite your want to keep any such information away. Kylo Ren shifted a step closer, seeing whatever you thought. Being deprived of conversation, most cues from a person other than the Knight himself sparked memories that you could not keep out of Ren’s reach. “Such similar models. Ones hardly anyone would question. Were they stolen?”

All at once, Kylo Ren jerked his hand away from you. You screamed in frustration, struggling against your restraints. He turned on his heel, walking out of the room. General Hux followed him without another word to you. Squeezing your eyes closed, you cursed yourself, your treacherous mind for having given away the identification number of your ship. Not the false one that was uploaded for in case anyone tried to contact it. The real one; the one that was on the official logs of the New Republic and Resistance. The one that would allow them to see when _you_ had trained, for them to know if the two sister cells had journeyed to the planets before or after you. It gave them a better starting point to hunt down more of your allies. You sobbed, slamming your head back against the table and screaming out profanities.

It was not long before Urvno intruded in on your fit of rage. You sobered somewhat, your eyes darting directly to what was in his hands. A catheter, which you knew indicated they planned on keeping you strapped to the table for longer. Your face flushed with indignation as Urvno inserted the catheter. You felt yourself crying quietly, shaking your head and cursing the First Order. The physician did not speak much to you, except to explain what he was doing. He had good bedside manner, you had to give him that despite being aligned with the enemy.

Three days before Urvno returned to remove the catheter completely. A stormtrooper entered the room after him, unhooked you from the table, and led you to a secluded place where you were hosed down much as you had been in the past. The clothing you were given this time was gray. It reminded you of the uniforms the technicians you had passed by on the ship wore. You grimaced as you tugged on the clothing, your still-healing hand not much help. Urvno met you in one of the corridors, where he unwrapped your fingers. You winced a bit as he touched them, however the pain was nothing in comparison to how badly it had felt in the past. He hummed, stating that they seemed to be healing well. He left them out of their bindings for the time being, mentioning that he wanted to let your skin breathe. You could see why. It was rather slimy looking. Urvno cautioned you to refrain from doing much with the fingers still, though he would later x-ray the bones to see when he wanted you to begin small exercises.

The physician walked away after a nod in the direction of the ‘trooper that was escorting you to—you really did not know where. You would have assumed back to the interrogation room, your newest cell, however the corridor he turned you down was not one you had walked down before. As you were led forward, something dark caught your attention. It was a familiar shape in the corner of your eye. You paused, turning your head. The stormtrooper hesitated, no doubt also aware of Kylo Ren’s presence. The Knight’s back was to the pair of you. He was gazing out one of the many windows of the Star Destroyer. Star gazing, you realized, a bit startled.

You turned on your feet, yet did not move closer. The ‘trooper tensed, and you could hear his sharp inhale when Kylo Ren turned his head to the side. He did not look over his shoulder completely, yet still the Knight showed that he was aware of your presence. It took another three seconds, however at last the man made a gesture with his hand that the stormtrooper appeared to recognize. He walked around you and away. You remained in the hallway, your gaze on your captor.

Kylo Ren returned his gaze to the stars. You were aware that he could keep track of you with the Force. Likewise, he could stop you in an instant with that same power should you attempt to walk away. You took a step closer in his direction. No reaction.

“How long until I die?” you asked. It seemed as though you had posed this question to him a million times. As always, he never answered it. You released a light growl of frustration before closing the distance between the two of you. You were standing at his side, watching both your reflection and his in the glass. The stars filtered in and out of your vision, however your focus remained predominately on the man. “Do you get bored with me? Is that why you ignore me?” You wondered if he was even listening to you. “Creature?” His hand twitched then slowly clenched into a fist. Kylo Ren did not verbally respond to you.

You grit your teeth and stepped around so that you were facing him straight on. Alas, he was taller than you and simply continued to stare out at the stars. You wanted to hit him more than anything. Yet you knew there would be severe consequences to those actions. So, instead, you turned and stared out the window as well. He took a step closer, your back flush with his body. You relaxed against him, thankful for some semblance of human contact that wasn’t simply another reminder that you were a prisoner. If you closed your eyes right then, you could pretend you were home. You did not close your eyes, though. Your attention was once more on the reflection in the glass.

Kylo Ren soon set his hands on your hips, pushing down your pants. You said and did nothing, still watching the glass. When your panties were removed as well, you felt blood rushing to your face. His hands disappeared for a moment behind you, and you could hear him adjusting his robes and freeing himself from the confines of his pants. Your breath hitched when Kylo Ren used his feet to nudge aside yours, spreading your legs. He placed his hands on your hips again, tilting you back and exposing your cunt. He dropped a hand towards your pussy, spreading your lips so that you could see everything in full detail. Your lips parted and your eyebrows rose. He positioned himself at your entrance and started to push up inside.

Your face was hotter than ever as you watched this all in the reflection. Every minute detail, the way your body opened up for him. You finally had to turn your gaze towards the side. He chuckled, pushing up into you entirely. You were wetter for him than you had ever been, the view having been an erotic sight you had never previously observed. Kylo Ren groaned out his approval. He set his mouth near your ear, the vocoder once more making his voice deeper.

“Look how well you swallow me, tooke,” he moaned out whilst rolling his hips. It was with a wet noise that your body welcomed his, your juices slicking his cock. Your eyes betrayed you, darting for half a second to the glass. That was all that was needed, however. You had seen _exactly_ what he was talking about. “Mm…do you miss this, tooke?” You swallowed thickly. The fingers that were keeping your outer lips parted for him started to rub you, up and down in time with the thrusts he had started. Two more thrusts then his hips stilled. You whimpered, hating yourself for that pathetic, needy noise.

 _He’s my enemy,_ you reminded yourself. Your enemy bucked up into your wet cunt, and you met his thrust halfway. Both of you groaned.

Footsteps entered your ears. Your heart raced, drumming loudly in your ears. Kylo Ren rocked into you, ignoring the stormtrooper that was making his rounds; said man quickly hurried forward, apparently unsure how to react at the sight of Kylo Ren fucking you. Your inner walls clenched around him as the adrenaline of being caught in your current state proved to increase your arousal.

 _He’s my enemy!_ you repeated as he hooked his mask against your neck, nuzzling you. You gulped down air at the display of affection. You had known for some time that his interest in you was only increasing—for reasons you did not know, nor did you care to. A part of you wondered if he even knew what he was doing, if he understood his actions.

Your thoughts were distracted when he hooked both of his arms under your legs, holding them apart. You were forced to lean back into him to keep from falling. This only proved to allow for a better sight of his cock disappearing into your body. “Oh, fuck,” you whimpered, tears pricking at your eyes at the intense sensations coursing through your body.

“You still have such a tight pussy for me, tooke,” he moaned against you. Your body tugged at his cock, drawing it in further. You sucked in your bottom lip, your teeth pressing down on it as you threw your head back, hitting it against his shoulder.

 _He’s my enemy, damn it!_ He felt so fucking good in you.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” You could not tear your eyes away from the sight presented to you in the glass. Your juices were running down his cock, slicking it and making it shine. Your nipples hardened at the sight. You knew he was watching the reflection as well. When he picked up his pace, your eyelids fluttered repeatedly.

“Nnn…shit…fuck…mmm…” You gulped in air again and tried to silence yourself. But then he was moving even faster, his cock throbbing inside of you, your vaginal walls pulsating around him. “Yes!” Encouraged by your shout, which you mentally cursed yourself for, he moved one of his arms so that your leg was still held up in the crook of his arm while his fingers found your clit. He was stroking something inside of you that had you panting then greedily gulping in air as you tried to regulate your breathing. Blood roared in your ears, and you arched as you came, squirting and cumming around him. He did not stop moving within you, which caused your body to practically convulse as wave after wave of intense pleasure hit you throughout orgasm.

“You like that, tooke?” he asked breathily.

“Nnyeah. Mmm…yeah.”

“You want me to fuck your throat while you cum again?”

“Oh, stars.” Your mouth was open in a large _o_ as he pulled you off his cock and lowered you onto the ground. Your vaginal walls were clenching around nothing, your open mouth soon filled with his length. He wasted no time in fucking your face, his hands on either side of your head while he used the Force to stimulate your sensitive clit. And then it felt like something was inside of you as well. You whimpered, whining around him. The vibrations caused him to swear and throw his head back, his hot cum filling your mouth so that you were swallowing repeatedly around him. Your second orgasm hit you just as another stormtrooper passed the hallway. You could hear him drop his weapon, scramble to pick it up, and then go running, as though scared he had invoked Kylo Ren’s anger. Said Knight pulled out of your mouth when he had fully softened. “You’re so…oh…gnnn…oh, fuck.” You had to press your thighs tightly together as you shuddered. Then, after taking a deep breath, you tried again. “You’re deplorable.”

He laughed, tucked himself away, and then squatted in front of you. “Do you want those caps off your teeth, tooke?” Your eyelashes fluttered as you stared at him. You were grateful that he did not stoop to accusing you of flirting with him. “Hmm?”

“I won’t…make deals with you,” you said. Your bravado, however, was shattered when he thrust two fingers into your cunt. “Nnn…I hate you.” He paused in his actions then continued them a moment later. “You should hate me too.” Again his hand stilled. “You should hate me.”

“You don’t hate me, tooke.”

“I do.”

“No. You pity me. You miss me. You may want me dead, but that has more to do with what I _stand_ for. With what I support. You hate the First Order. But, tooke, you do not hate me personally.”

“You’ve tortured me—raped me, broken my fingers. I—“

“You’ve repeatedly attempted to kill me.” He raised his head, looking towards the window. “You didn’t push me away just now, tooke. A part of you wanted it.”

“N-no. I was caught off guard. I…” You blushed at the memory of how his cock had disappeared into your wet cunt. Kylo Ren resumed fucking you with his fingers.

“Tell me to stop,” he teased. You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling your body reacting. You were unable to tell him to stop, too busy choking down a sob as tears began to spill. Kylo Ren, all the same, withdrew his fingers from you and sighed. “Would you like those caps removed, tooke?”

“And give up _what_ in return?” you snapped, screaming at him with tears running down your face.

“You may not refer to me as ‘creature’.” You waited for more. But there was none.

You wished he were wrong, that you did hate him on a personal level. You despised the things he did, what he stood for. But he was right; you pitied him too much to hate him. And the fact that he did not hate you only worsened things. It only made you pity him more, because he was so willing to do something to _please_ you for the sake of you viewing him as a human. As himself, not some depraved creature. It forced you to remember that, once upon a time, he had been General Organa’s son. He had belonged to the light only to fall—and no one had caught him.

_And once upon a time,  
Those monsters were heroes.  
To sing, to laud—all in their name.  
But darkness chases after light,  
And the shadows of our judgment  
Enshrouded the heroes, drowning them._


	10. Chapter 10

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Ten: Powers of Persuasion

[Chapter Warnings: Some physical interaction in tense situations; brief choking; mentions of previous sexual assault; dubcon (due to being a prisoner); stockholm syndrome; briefly described dubcon/noncon with no details that transitions into explicit dubcon scene (consent is verbally given, yet it stems from stocholm syndrome and is a bit intense); vaginal fisting]

_We hurt the ones we love;  
Can we love those who did the hurting?  
Maybe in another life,  
Or maybe when we’re done journeying._

Apparently your captor was no longer on speaking terms with you. You sighed, eyeing him as the man continued to sit in the chair and meditate. You had not exactly rejected his kind offer; your utterance of ‘I don’t know if I could ever stop calling you that completely’, however, had been a conversation stopper. You were only thankful that Kylo Ren had not had you escorted back to the interrogation room or a different cell. He had allowed you to instead follow him to his quarters, where you had climbed onto the bed. That had been nearly four hours ago. You watched him, the man not exactly acknowledging your presence even when you had risen and nudged the helmet of Darth Vader. At that point, you had lifted the object, carried it to the bed, and sat with it in your lap.

You tapped your fingers against the metallic surface. “Are you mad?” you asked him for the eighth time. Once more, no response. You blew some air towards your hair, causing it to move away from your eyes. “Are you not talking to me because you’re meditating, or are you ignoring me?” A few more minutes ticked by. “Hmm?” You heaved out a sigh and dropped your gaze to Vader’s helmet, which was pointed towards your face. “What do you think?” You started to make the Vader helmet move, using your hands to shake its ‘head’ up and down, as well as from side to side. You opened your mouth to speak for it when Kylo Ren forced himself up quickly. You flinched, the muscles in both your legs and arms tensing in apprehension.

The darkly robed man snatched Darth Vader’s helmet from you, stomped over to the small table on where it was supposed to be, and set it there. He then returned to the chair, dropping down and, with an annoyed huff, settled into a more comfortable position. Meditating again. Ignoring you again. You set your gaze on your hand, which was feeling better. Urvno had come into Ren’s quarters during your first hour of being ignored. He had taken x-rays, which revealed that your fingers were indeed healing quite nicely. He had then bound your fingers again, telling you that your movement would be restricted for roughly another two weeks if all went well.

You slipped off the bed again, your bare feet pattering along the floor as you made your way over to his chair. “Look… We’re enemies. I don’t think your feelings are—“

“I feel nothing,” he countered. Great. You knew that he had to be on some level emotionally detached from things, however you had seen him speaking with Vader’s helmet. Had heard his tantrum when you had called him creature after telling him to go away. He may have been emotionally detached from many things, however _you_ were not one of those things no matter how much he wanted to argue otherwise.

“Then why does it matter if I refer to you as ‘creature’ or not?” you shot, knowing it was probably in poor taste to argue. He waved you away. You, however, stood your ground. “ _Whatever_ it is, maybe you should just…” You had been about to utter out ‘treat me like any other prisoner’, yet remembered immediately that you did not want to be locked away in a cell. “…why?”

“You’re noisy.” He started to raise a hand, indicating he was going to mind trick you into obeying—probably being silent and sitting on the bed, if you had to guess.

“I’m trying to _kill_ you! Why would you… Why am I your fix? I’m _not_ naïve! I—“ You were silenced by his hand on your throat; Kylo Ren had risen to his feet quicker than you could react, his hand shooting out and seizing your neck. He squeezed, his thumb digging into your flesh on one side. A bruise was going to be there; whether or not you would be alive to suffer it was left to be discovered.

“Resistance _scum_ ,” he growled out, carrying you by the neck to the bed, which he slammed you onto. His grip only seemed to tighten. You felt your face heating up, your entire body growing hotter as your air supply was cut off. He ripped his hand away from you, his robes billowing as he stormed out of the room. You choked, coughing and wheezing while rolling onto your side. Your captor was not absent for long. When he returned, he had a bottle of water in his hand, and this he opened and held to your lips. You reached up with your uninjured hand, taking the bottle from him and drinking to soothe your throat.

While you drank, he started to raise his hands towards his helmet. His limbs paused when they were level with his chest. Kylo Ren stared at you for several moments. You watched him in return, observing as he lifted his hands further and undid the latches of his helmet. This he removed, allowing the heavy object to fall to the ground with a metallic _clunk_. His eyes were on your knees, and he did not once attempt to lift them to your face.

Not many in the Resistance had seen his face—at least, not since he had become Kylo Ren. A number of them did not know of his past name or identity. A mask on the battlefield. Yet he had shown his face to you, appeared to be attempting to humanize himself to you. You wondered if anyone else who had seen his face had continued to refer to him as a creature.

He was convinced that he was doing the right thing; committing atrocities for the sake of the greater good. The man did not know he was a monster, did not believe it. You couldn’t help but recall when he had claimed to know General Organa in another capacity, his statement that it had been disappointing. Leia Organa and Han Solo had not lived with one another in the normal sense. Their marriage, though official, to you seemed nominal. What had it been like to be their son? To your knowledge, he had not known that Darth Vader was his grandfather until after it had been let slip by a Centrist senator. Without his mask, to you, he looked broken. He could not even meet your eye; this man who had mere minutes ago had his hand around your throat. Perhaps he wasn’t even certain why he was drawn to you.

“Ren?” you whispered, your voice nearly catching in your sore throat. His lips parted then pressed together. Still he did not lift his eyes to your face. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“You’re misguided.” At last he raised his eyes, locking them with yours. “Blinded by their lies. I can show you.”

“No,” you said softly, your heart beginning to race. In his twisted mind, he believed he was offering to save you. It saddened you. Enough so that when he stepped closer, you didn’t even flinch; and when he gripped the back of your head and urged you to your feet while lowering his mouth onto yours, you did not protest or fight against him. You let him kiss you, his mouth working desperately against yours. Perhaps what wasn’t helping matters, what was breaking your resolve, was that his eyes had grown visibly moist at your response. His brow had furrowed, confusion etching his features. Hurt. _Rejection_. “They’ll never be lies. They aren’t… Those are my beliefs. You…” His lips were hovering near yours. “I would rather you killed me.”

He closed his mouth and swallowed before turning his head to the side. Kylo Ren raised his chin, shifted on his heel, and walked away from you. You felt wretched, realizing your wording. That you would rather die than be with him.

“We’re…enemies, Ren.”

“You’re my prisoner, tooke,” he said, his voice sounding thick though you could tell he was doing what he could to keep it level. “You’re no threat to me. Another means for gathering information…and then you’ll be disposed of.” You collapsed onto the bed, your wide eyes staring blankly ahead. It was what you had been asking for all along. Yet it was the way he had said it. Matter-of-factly. But there was that damn tinge of unmistakable betrayal as though _you_ had done something wrong.

“It’s…it’s not _you_ , cre-Ren. I don’t even know you. It’s the things you stand for. I will _never_ agree with the First Order. And, yes, I would rather die before I even considered doing so.” He paused mid-step. “If I don’t… If I can’t kill…you… How many more will you kill?”

“As many as necessary, tooke,” he said without hesitation.

“And that’s why I can’t allow it.”

“You can’t—?” A rich chuckle. “You’re powerless to stop me. You won’t interfere with the tasks given to me by Supreme Leader.” Kylo Ren turned back around, walking to you. His mood seemed to have improved, a fact that gave you mixed emotions. It really wasn’t personal. Still, you did not wish for him to succeed in his endeavors to crush the Resistance. He set his fingertips to your throat, tracing where he had hurt you. “You’re…interesting.”

“Why?”

He was quiet for a few seconds then at last admitted: “That is something I don’t know, tooke.” You watched him walk away from you and head to the chair. “Now quiet yourself.”

“I, uh, think it’s my job as a _prisoner_ to try to interrupt your concentration,” you said, feeling rather lightheaded. Your mind was flashing back to the sight of him moving in and out of you. To when he had impaled you with his lightsaber, nearly killing you. It nearly drove you mad; you still wanted to kill him for the Resistance…but your body was aching for him—for a form of human contact. Why, oh why, did he have to be vulnerable underneath it all? “You’ve…really complicated me.”

“You can fight against it.” Was he, your enemy, cheering you on?

You blinked then knit your brow. “You don’t…want to have…sex?” His eyes darted to you, running up and down your body. Kylo Ren’s lips parted and he released a sigh. “I just…need to hold something.” He gestured with his hand towards Darth Vader’s helmet. “You won’t… You won’t take it away this time, will you?”

“So long as you behave, you may hold it.”

“Th…thank you.” His jaw twitched. It was not a phrase he heard often, you realized. _How sad…_ “R-Ren?” Those brown orbs on your face. “I don’t… Why did… Why do you want _me_ to pull the trigger…if you find them?”

He chuckled, much as he had when you had insisted that you wouldn’t do so. “Metaphor.” You blushed, understanding that he was using _you_ as a basis for confirming the identities of the other two who had been trained as you had. They would not be killed immediately; they would be interrogated, broken. Every bit of information he was able to drag from you was a bullet that would be used against them, a way to injure their resolve and get them to crack.

Hours later, you had replaced Darth Vader’s helmet back on the table. It seemed to stare at you as you ran your tongue along your teeth. The caps had been removed, though unfortunately this had not occurred until after you had eaten dinner. You were lying in bed with Kylo Ren, whose back was to you. The two of you had hardly spoken since he had stopped meditating for the final time. You sighed and stopped pressing your tongue to your teeth. Turning onto your side, you stared at your captor’s head.

“When you were younger”—he stiffened a little—“did you ever pretend you had special powers?”

“Like…the Force?” he asked, scoffing at you.

You blinked. It had not occurred to you that he had had his abilities his entire life when you had asked the question. You bit down on your bottom lip, waited a few moments, and then spoke again. “Oh… No. I just meant… Well, when I was growing up…” When you trailed off, Kylo Ren started to turn his head, tilting it to listen to you. You swallowed. “I… Some of us kids used to pretend we each had a special power. You only got one. Invisibility. Healing. Uhm, I believe laser eyes was one.” You moistened your lips with your tongue. “It always varied. Some of the kids kept the same power every time we played, but… I picked different ones sometimes.

“One time… One time it was teleportation. And, like, we were playing a game of tag. So when someone tagged me… I said that they didn’t really, because I teleported away. One of the boys said I was cheating.”

“You were.”

“Well, maybe,” you said, smiling a little at the memory. “But another one of the kids said he had the ability to freeze people. He would point at them and they would be frozen for ten seconds. No one complained about his ability, even though it meant he got to tag whoever he wanted.” You sighed wistfully. “It’s really pretty on Naboo… I haven’t been there in years. Since before I joined the Resistance.”

“I…saw that.”

“Have you ever thought about flying?”

“We’re…aboard a Star Destroyer, tooke.”

You rolled your eyes. “I meant like a bird. Not on a ship. If you were able to fly without a ship—have you ever thought about that?” Kylo Ren turned over so that he was facing you. He did not answer, however he watched you with some interest. “I dream about it sometimes.”

“And then you lose your ability midway through the dream…you fall, or else struggle to relearn…but you never succeed.”

“Even when I was younger, it was like that,” you said, wondering exactly how much he had seen when digging in your mind all those times. You had thrown up walls, pointless childhood memories that would amount to nothing for the First Order. You hadn’t thought he would ever remember such seemingly pointless details. “Right now… I sort of feel like that… Like I was flying, but then…now I can’t. And I don’t know how to do it again. I watched my friends die even before I was captured. I knew one day, whether the Resistance won, or I died, or…anything… that one day things would change for me. I don’t think I ever fully planned for it though. I never expected this sort of result. Did…did you ever think things would be like this…for you?”

His breathing was so soft. If not for the fact that his eyes were open and still exploring various aspects of your face, you would have believed he had passed out. “No,” he replied. “Not quite like this.”

“It scares me,” you stated, feeling as though you had lifted a weight off your chest, only to set it directly on your stomach. Apprehension bubbled within you. Kylo Ren, your captor and the only person you had truly been able to speak with for quite some time—the only person to ever have been so privy to your thoughts, unwelcome or no—shifted his hand onto yours. You wrapped your fingers around his, holding onto him while adjusting your dominant hand into a more comfortable position. You waited for him to say it, to tease you, to ask if the Resistance was intimidated. Kylo Ren did not, which soon had you drawing your body closer to his and resting your forehead against his chest. You allowed your eyes to drift closed, and you eventually lost consciousness holding onto his hand.

In the middle of the sleep cycle, you awoke to the sensation of a hand slipping past the hem of your pants and cupping you. Your eyelids fluttered open, and you watched Kylo Ren in the dark. He was propped up on one elbow, his attention on the sheet that was covering your body and hiding his ministrations from view. His middle finger found your clit, which he nudged before sliding further along you. You shifted when you felt the digit prodding your entrance. Kylo Ren paused. He observed you for a number of seconds prior to moving his face closer to yours, his nose running along the side of your nose. It felt almost wet. Not snotty, however; you remained perfectly still at the realization that he had been crying, even if only for a moment.

“You can kiss me,” you whispered when he continued to refrain from touching you. His lips touched yours, however he did not fully kiss you. His breath mingled with yours. “What’s wrong?”

“This means nothing to you,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I don’t know… Maybe…” Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, his nose brushing past yours again as he leaned into the pillow. “I would still kill you if given the chance… But… It’s okay if you kiss me.” He simply laid there without saying another word. “Something to hold onto…sort of.” You reached up with your good hand, touching the side of his face with the very tips of your fingers. “At first…you made it painful…with the lightsaber. Then it was just to embarrass and shame me. I hated it. But…then you started to…to see what I liked. I thought it was a trick.”

“Are you so sure it wasn’t?”

“You could have dug into my mind if you were doing it just to get my body to betray me. You did that a few times… We are enemies. That’s not going to change.” You sighed, climbing on top of him. His arms twitched, his hands finding your hips. “You didn’t have to remove the caps from my teeth…so…tonight…just tonight…you can kiss me…and I’ll kiss you back.”

Kylo Ren lifted his head, his mouth again finding yours. This time his lips sealed around yours, and you shyly responded. It was different than when you had kissed him as an excuse to dig your nails into his flesh. At that time, you had not pitied him, had truly viewed him as a vile creature. As nothing more than a monster. There was no love on your part, however there was a certain acceptance. As well as the knowledge that things, and this man, were more complex than you would have ever cared to admit. Not quite light and dark, black and white. You both believed you were doing the right thing despite being on opposite sides. His soft lips yielded to yours; Kylo Ren was allowing you to explore, which caused your heart to hiccup.

You pulled back, swallowing some of the saliva that had gathered in your mouth while also taking a breath. The hands on your hips shifted onto your lower back. He did not buck against you. Nothing overtly sexual as it had always been in the past. Your throat was a little sore from when he had choked you. A part of you knew why he did it; the man was afraid, though of exactly what you did not know. You refused to complain about the soreness, however, and instead lowered your mouth back onto his. This time his tongue prodded your lips, and you allowed it to enter your mouth and begin to explore. You released a light moan at the sensation of his tongue running along your teeth. Kylo Ren also groaned at the new experience.

You started to run your tongue along his. He trembled a little underneath you, and you traced your fingertips further up his face to just under his eye. The majority of the wetness from his tears had already dried into a salty residue on his cheeks, yet the moisture closer to his eye was still present. You carefully slid both of your arms up under his, holding him as the two of you kissed. His arms, likewise, wound around you so that you were both holding one another. When next your mouth left his, you tucked yourself so that your head was under his chin. You were unsure which of you fell asleep first, however when you awoke at the start of the next waking cycle, you were each still holding the other.

And at the start of the next waking cycle, Kylo Ren seemed to have regained control over himself. Noticing you were awake, he turned you over and tugged off your clothes before also removing his own. Your wrists were pinned to either side of your head by the Force. Kylo Ren took himself in his hand, nudging your clit with the head of his cock before hitting against your entire cunt with his length. He smirked down at you. “You want this, tooke?” he asked. You breathed heavily, gulping and blushing. When you did not answer him, he again hit his shaft against you with a wet, fleshy smack that had you whimpering. “I want you begging for me, tooke.”

“I…I won’t,” you said, trembling and trying to get control of yourself. He toyed with you until you began to recite lines from books you had read in your childhood. Your whispers caused him to pause above you as he listened.

“I remember that one,” he murmured, causing you to blink your eyes open. You glanced down at him, finding his eyes on your face. “I hated it.”

“Well,” you said, wrinkling your nose, “I liked it.” He raised himself up on his forearms. “I told you: I won’t beg for it. I don’t want it.”

“You do.”

“My body, maybe, but that isn’t important.”

"Stubborn tooke."

“Just do what you want with my body, but don’t make me beg for you. I won’t. I don’t want you…”

“In a physical sense? I believe you do.”

“Not sexually.”

“It is a suitable substitution, tooke.” You narrowed your eyes at his words, considering him. “You saw how well you enjoy it. How much your body craves it. I respect that your intentions are still to kill me. Now, indulge, tooke. Beg for it.”

“You’re lying,” you whispered. “I don’t want it… I can’t want it.”

“No?” he countered, his confidence unwavering. His sheer determination unnerved you. “It reminds you that I am human. You think of me as _him_ , ignoring my true identity. A game of make-believe. Do you want me to pretend as well? Be _gentle_ and _kind_?” You felt your bottom lip quivering. “You do want it. I can see it, tooke. You want to pretend that he isn’t dead. The pathetic son of your foolish general. Beg for me, and perhaps I’ll play along. Humor your sentimental needs.”

“P..pl…please,” you said meekly. His pupils dilated, and Kylo Ren licked his lips. But he said nothing, did nothing. You cringed and uttered out, “Please touch me…gently. Please be gentle. Please, Be—“ He hooked his thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue and preventing you from completing his birth name.

“Shh, tooke. I’ll be gentle.” Yet there was nothing gentle in his grin, merely victory. His lips, however, when they found yours were indeed more tender than ever they had been. When he thrust up into you, likewise, it was slow, sensual. You could feel his every muscle ripple, his body practically fusing with yours as though you were made for one another. “Like this, tooke?” he asked, his lips caressing yours with every word.

“Yes,” you said breathlessly, closing your eyes and pretending you were only dreaming; that this was truly Ben Solo caressing you rather than Kylo Ren seducing you, manipulating you. Aware that he would not allow you to utter out the name, however, you settled for an alternative and called him nothing. “Yes…just like that.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, moving your body with his. “Like this.”

“You’re mine, tooke,” he whispered in your ear, his tongue flicking out the next moment to trace around its shell. “You’re mine.”

“Nn…” You did not know how to respond. To play into the fantasy, to chance him taking those words to mean something when this game of make-believe was done. If it had been Ben Solo touching you, it would not end in pain. But it was Kylo Ren inside of you, and he had already claimed to have killed the part of him that was good. You did not believe his words entirely, and yet… And yet you would stop at nothing to kill him if you could. You clung more tightly onto him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Don’t say that.” A sigh from him, yet no protest. “Mm…faster…y-yeah, like that.”

He shifted onto his knees, dragging you up with him as you would not relinquish your hold on him, so that he could move even faster in and out of you. You started to pant underneath him, sweat gathering on your body. You rocked your hips into his, meeting his thrusts.

“You have such a nice pussy, tooke.”

“Oh fuck,” you moaned, arching your back when he started to use the Force to stroke your clit. “Mmm, yeah. Don’t stop.” He chuckled, murmuring out a swear a moment later as your vaginal walls began to clench and unclench around him.

“Shit, you really do like that.” Another laugh, and he was shoving you off his lap just before you could reach orgasm. Your eyes flew open and you stared at him with your mouth agape. “I’m done playing, tooke. Beg for me. If you want to cum, beg for _me_.”

“I…I won’t.”

“I can keep you at the edge for however long I like.” As though emphasizing his words and backing his threat, a wave of the Force grazed your clit again, causing you to buck your hips in the air. You choked down a sob and bunched his blankets up with your fist. “You may be patient, tooke, but I am in control here. You’ll never defeat me no matter how hard you try.” Another undulation, and you did sob this time while unconsciously spreading your legs further in welcoming for him. His smirk widened. “So desperate…for me.”

“K-kriff… You… You’re wretched!” You threw your head back when the next stroke teased your sensitive nub.

“You’re dripping all over the blankets, tooke.” He traced his tongue along his lips slowly. Your body familiar with how that wonderful organ felt against your clit, inside your cunt, you felt yourself wetting further for him. Felt your walls grasping at nothing. Your eyes dropped to his cock, still hard and beginning to drip precum. “You’re simply delaying the inevitable.” A swirl of pressure this time. You nearly came undone, but he did not allow you to reach climax. “Beg, tooke.”

“I…” Your nostrils flared as you exhaled sharply before swallowing your pride; he was right—he was in control of this situation. And unlike all those times in the past, he was not going to get up and walk away. Time was on his side, and it was up for you. “P-please fuck me…R-Ren.” He wasted no time in seizing your hips and pulling you back onto him. You wasted no time in meeting his hard and fast thrusts. Your eyes were locked with one another’s. A battle of sorts, you realized, and so you did not look away. Not even when your eyelids were fluttering as you spilled around him, nor when he was grunting and groaning as his cum filled your pussy.

Only when he grinned in victory, declaring in a voice that was _just_ above a whisper: “You’re _mine_ , tooke.”

Though you cowered, though your eyes could no longer meet his, you murmured, “Never.” And he laughed, his mouth sealing over yours so that you were forced to swallow down his glee.

Your protests were further blocked, further mocked when he had your arms pinned with his legs. He knelt over you, his cock down your throat—and Kylo Ren stretched down. You nearly screamed around his dick, your body spasming when his mouth met your cunt. He lapped at you like a hungry animal, his tongue flicking in and out of his mouth in rapid succession. Your legs were not his captives, not even by the Force, and so you spread them for him. You told yourself that you were _not_ his, but that did not mean you would deny yourself; because, on that front, your captor was correct. This was a suitable substitution for killing him, at least for now. A physical outlet.

Your fingers twitched, hands threatening to go numb under the weight of his legs. You heard a strange noise from him, realizing that he was curling his tongue only after spit hit directly against your clit. The sudden pressure caused you to gasp. You nearly choked around his cock. Ren withdrew enough to give you a moment to breathe, and then your tongue was working his shaft, the head of his erection venturing close to the back of your throat.

You bent your legs at the knees and set your feet flat against the mattress. In this manner, you bucked upwards to move your hips closer to his mouth when he had begun to pull back in retreat. “Beg,” he whispered, albeit loud enough for you to hear. His breath was hot against your cunt. Kylo Ren rolled his hips, and you whimpered. You did not want to beg, to give into him again.

And yet…

_It’s just a stupid game._

You were not certain how true your words were; at the time, it hardly mattered. You begged, your _please, Ren_ no more than a hum around his cock. He titled back his head, not obliging. You repeated the plea, this time more desperate. Your nose brushed against his pubic hair.

Kylo Ren pressed a finger into you after the third repetition of you obeying, of you begging him. A second finger moved into you as well. You squirmed at the way he stretched you. The man rose a bit on his knees, only the head of his cock between your lips. You laved it with your tongue, teasing his slit. When he began to work a third finger into you, your eyes bulged. It was strange, how he was stretching you.

A fourth—“Mm!” The sheets were bunched up in your toes, which curled and uncurled. Kylo Ren had his thumb on your clit, rocking it back and forth. A hum of thought from him. You did not receive a chance to whimper at the loss of contact. A scream, which he muffled by thrusting back into your mouth, escaped you. Your legs were shaking, feet scrambling against the mattress until he held them down with the Force.

Yes, babies came out of the vagina, but still…

He worked his fist in and out of you. You felt so full, so wet. His cock in your mouth had you breathing through your nose, smelling him as he pressed closer and closer, thrust deeper into you—with both his cock and his fist.

That large hand. You groaned at the thought of how big it was, how it felt inside of you. He was going to _ruin_ you.

“You’ve taken my lightsaber in you, tooke,” he purred. You groaned at the memory of that—you had not enjoyed having his weapon inside of you. This, however… “So open for me. Fuck!” You swallowed repeatedly, his cum running down your throat. You came as well, a wet, gushing pop when he pulled his fist from you. “Fuck,” he repeated. “The sheets are _soaked_ , tooke.”

As was his hand, which glistened when you caught sight of it.

This did not make you his, you reminded yourself.

_Perhaps it is not hate;_  
I may miss you when you’re gone.  
That never made it love—  
It’s been obsession all along.


	11. Chapter 11

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Eleven: Love Thy Enemy

[Chapter Warnings: Interrogation including minor torture, humiliation, and lightsaber injuries; IVs; attempted assault (by both parties); dubcon blowjob; angst]

_Far away, upon a dream,  
I remember seeing your face.  
Long ago, a different name,  
A man who left without a trace_

This time when you were strapped down to the table, you discovered that there was another such device across from you. You felt your stomach sink. Your heart nearly stopped beating. Squeezing your eyes closed, you listened as another person was dragged into the room and bound to the other table. Familiar footsteps echoed in your ears. Kylo Ren was accompanied by General Hux. The redhead glanced from you to your comrade. You could only assume that he belonged to one of the sister splinter cells. The two of you regarded one another with neutrality, an unspoken agreement that neither of you would say a word to the men. You would both do what you could to avoid giving away information.

“This is the first time you’ve seen one another,” Kylo Ren said. The man across from you startled at his modulated voice. You watched the other Resistance member look at the masked man. Apparently Kylo Ren had not been present when he had been captured. Said Force user stood directly between you and your ally, his back to you. “You have been far from forthcoming… I will remedy that.”

“The Resistance will not be intimidated,” your ally hissed out, causing General Hux to smirk and snort out a breathy laugh.

“As though they’re trained to speak that lie,” the First Order officer stated. Kylo Ren made a static-filled noise of agreement. “Many of his cell were already eliminated. The admiral and a few other key members, however, managed to escape. We need their names.”

You shook your head when the man looked over Ren’s shoulder at you. A pressure on your shoulder slammed you against the table more harshly. You hissed in pain, snarling at Kylo Ren, who had turned to consider you. General Hux, in the meantime, walked closer to the other prisoner. He was nearly back-to-back with Kylo Ren. You grit your teeth upon realizing that the two of you would be played off one another, hence both of you being in the same interrogation room as well as the presence of General Hux and Kylo Ren. It would be easy to make up false information without someone there to dispute it. One could only control their facial expressions, their heartbeat, so much.

“You piece of shit,” you whispered to the masked man as he stepped even closer to you.

General Hux looked over his shoulder, his lips pinched tightly together for a moment before he spoke. “You are quite an impressive specimen.” You could have done without being complimented by your enemy. Your glare was transferred to the general. “Knowing what is intended, however, will not help you in this case.” Aware of the truth in his words, you bunched your hands into fists and averted your gaze from the pair of them.

You started humming softly to yourself, trying to ignore anything and everything that was said. You kept your eyes away from your comrade as well, knowing that if you looked his way your reactions to one another would give away everything. At the first cry of pain from the other Resistance member, you jumped a bit. Your eyes started to dart to him, however you caught yourself and instead looked up at the ceiling. Your humming grew a little louder. All the while, you could _feel_ Kylo Ren watching you. Every so often there would be a sort of tickling in your brain, and you knew it was him skimming over your thoughts.

“Silence her, Ren,” General Hux snapped mere seconds before three fingers were thrust into your mouth. You gagged against the leather, which pressed your tongue down. Saliva dribbled past your lips, your drool making its way to your chest. You attempted to turn your head in order to remove his fingers from your mouth, however his hand traveled along with you. The questions resumed, and this time you heard the words. Kylo Ren’s fingers moved in retreat then plunged back in. You snarled, having no choice but to let him finger-fuck your mouth; you knew it was to draw your ally’s attention—and when you heard the man swear at Kylo, you knew your captor’s methods had met with success.

Three sets of eyes on you. You knew General Hux wished for your attention to be on your comrade, yet you were managing to keep your gaze elsewhere. Kylo Ren turned away from you, his fingers at last leaving your mouth. You swallowed around nothing and tried to erase the taste of leather from your tongue. Your actions stopped abruptly at the sound of the man drawing his lightsaber off his belt, of that plasma blade igniting. Your eyes whipped to the direction of the red blade, to the crossguards, one of which was pressed near your comrade’s neck. Rather than burn him there, Kylo Ren instead drew the smaller blade down to the man’s shoulder. He cut downwards, the smell of burnt flesh invading your nostrils and cries of agony assaulting your ears as Kylo Ren sliced through the man’s arm almost completely. General Hux raised his chin, staring down his nose at the Resistance member as the heart monitor noisily recorded his increased pulse.

Rather than deactivate the saber when he turned away from your comrade, Kylo Ren instead moved to you with it. You trembled, remembering well how it felt to be penetrated by his blade. With the hand that was not holding the lightsaber, Kylo Ren caressed your cheek—and did not flinch in the least when you screamed in pain as the hot blade of his weapon entered you, cutting near your hip, yet careful so as not to cause you a mortal wound.

General Hux looked towards one of the three stormtroopers present in the room. “Call in the physician to run the IVs.” The soldier did as he was ordered. Before any questions more were posed to either you or your ally, you were each given a drug through an IV to help ease some of the pain; you partly wished they would have let you pass out from the discomfort. “Now, let’s continue.”

“Get bent,” you snapped, your body trembling at the burning sensation on your hip. Across from you, your ally appeared to have quieted some. His gaze was trained on you. Your lips parted and you shook your head. “This is nothing! Don’t you fucking dare!”

And yet Kylo Ren, who had already been in the process of turning before you had spoken, raised a hand and delved into your comrade’s mind. He screamed in agony, no doubt experiencing the mental and physical pain Kylo Ren was sending his way via the Force. You started to struggle against your bindings, only to cry as the searing sensation on your hip returned in full.

“Stop!” Yet General Hux was already speaking, asking the questions again. You knew right then that neither General Hux nor Kylo Ren had expected you to break. Seeing you in pain, your ally, who had endured other forms of torture as well, and experiencing some of that similar pain, he would break—he had broken. “You fuckers!” You sobbed, tears of frustration running down your face. “I’ll kill you!” Ignoring the pain, you began struggling again, trying to break free of your bindings. You slammed your head back against the table repeatedly, attempting to arch your back and not caring if you broke a wrist if that meant being able to slip it out of the restraints.

“Sedative, doctor,” General Hux said without looking your way. The physician administered the drug via your IV, and in little to no time, you found yourself relaxing though your mind screamed for you to act.

You awoke bound in a different room. Your wrists were chained to the bed on either side of you, your ankles likewise. It took you a few moments of blinking to register that you were in medbay. Looking around with your eyes alone, you listening to the sounds of the room. A few coughs here and there. Nurses speaking with patients. Droids moving about. Your side throbbed, and you remembered the interrogation, your role as pawn in it. Slowly, you began to slide your tongue past your teeth, which you set against the organ. They would not be able to use you if you were dead, you told yourself.

The curtain being drawn aside caused you to jump and release your tongue. You stared with wide eyes at the physician who stepped closer to you. Urvno. His eyes swept up and down your frame before he adjusted the medication that was hooked to the IV. You felt yourself growing groggy, and you cursed him as you began to drift off again.

When you next regained consciousness, you were still in medbay. You swore when the nurse informed you that you had a catheter. It was not your favorite position to be in, that was for certain. He did not comment as you urinated, your pee collecting in the bag, though he did glance up, presumably to ensure it was properly colored and there was nothing wrong with your kidneys. He did not stay for long, though when he left Urvno came in his stead. You said nothing to the physician while you watched him check over your stats.

“Your body holds up rather well to lightsaber wounds,” he commented, as though attempting to break the ice. You rolled your wrists. “Your fingers are healing quite nicely still. You shouldn’t need a brace soon. The injury to your hip was…minor in comparison to your previous lightsaber wound.”

“Did they kill him?” you asked, unable to hold your tongue any longer. Urvno pinched his lips together, his face suddenly a mask of indifference. “It’s my fault for… They killed him, didn’t they?”

Urvno reached into his pocket and withdrew what you recognized as a player. He set it on the bedside table out of your reach, hit the play button, and walked away. The muscles in your legs tensed. The voices on the recording belonged to Resistance members. Their feed had to have been hacked into. Your breathing quickened as you listened to them speaking. This was likely the recording the First Order had listened to in order to discover the location of the splinter cell to begin with. This was how they had captured the man who had been strapped to the table across from you. Information of the Resistance, information that the First Order now knew, spilled into your ears.

The recording soon reached its end, and the device clicked off. You waited with bated breath to see if anything further would be given to you, if anyone would enter to tell you the fate of your comrade. No one came. At least, not for another ten minutes; and when that same male nurse arrived at your bedside, it was to switch out the bag of fluids for your IV. You watched him work. Whenever his eyes did fall upon you, there was a guarded expression, as though he disliked you on the sole account that you were a Resistance member. You found that you could not fault him for this; you, likewise, held a certain distaste for him due to his association with the First Order.

You did not see Urvno again for the better part of the cycle. It was close to the start of the sleep cycle that he made another appearance. He once more checked your stats before pocketing the player. “He’s not aboard the _Finalizer_ right now, is he?” you asked.

Urvno paused, the man having been ready to take leave of you. He licked his lips and then spoke to you in a soft voice. “Whom are you referring to?”

“K…Kylo Ren,” you replied, equally as softly. Urvno shook his head, and you felt your lip begin to quiver. He was once more hunting your comrades, their location stolen from your ally because _your_ presence had led him to have a moment of weakness. “Is he dead?”

At the inquiry regarding your comrade, Urvno once more ignored you and walked away. It was for another four days that you remained in medbay without word in regards to your ally. After that, you were taken to a refresher by a female officer, who was accompanied by a stormtrooper with a blaster should you prove to be unruly. You were allowed to bathe yourself before you were given loose clothing to dress in; they were careful to not aggravate the wound on your hip. Your hands were bound in front of you, shackles placed on your feet as well. It hardly surprised you that you were taken to Kylo Ren’s quarters. You couldn’t help but wonder if your comrade was nothing more than a pile of ashes that had been added to Ren’s collection.

You were taken to the chair rather than the bed this time, and there you were instructed to sit down. You obeyed, knowing it would be foolish to disobey what with your injuries. You would bide your time, allow yourself to heal more before you attempted anything. The officer and stormtrooper exited the man’s quarters. You had only to wait a few minutes before the door opened once more.

“Creature,” you said in greeting. Those footsteps paused. Leather flexing, as though the man was clenching his hands. You looked over your shoulder in his direction to find that this was so. “What did you expect?”

“You forget that you’re a prisoner,” he countered. You turned away from him, your nostrils flaring as you exhaled. “‘We’re enemies’ you always tell me. Did _you_ forget that?”

“Did you kill him?”

“No.”

You waited a few seconds before pressing further. “Is he dead?” A sort of clicking noise. You raised your eyes to look at the mask of his helmet when he rounded the chair and squatted in front of you. It was then that you noticed he had something in his hands. A book—a children’s book, the very one you had quoted and he claimed to have hated. “You’re repulsive.” His grip on the object tightened, the paper binding giving way so that a crinkling could be heard. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” The binding was bent further. You watched him, starting to wonder if he was going to fly into a fit of rage. You remembered well the sounds of him doing so, and you felt your stomach starting to churn at that memory. “You said you didn’t like it.” Kylo Ren did not give a verbal response. He instead lifted his hand, slipping the book into your lap and relinquishing his hold on it. “Is… Did you bring me…a gift?”

“Are your painkillers working well?”

Your face twisted into one of disgust. “You want to fuck me…” He made a noise that indicated this was exactly so while he rose to his full height. You watched him draw aside his robe and withdraw his cock, which was already hardening. “You killed them, didn’t you?”

“My enemies? Yes.” His hand was working fast on his erection, its twin moving to the back of your head and urging you forward. You fell to your knees on the ground, the book slipping to the floor in front of you, and opened your mouth to take him in. “Good girl, tooke.” He was rocking into your mouth, his head thrown back. This prevented him from seeing your glare. Yet he felt your teeth beginning to descend on him, and he thrust you away. Your head hit the edge of the chair. Before you could cry out in pain, a pressure was around your throat. You raised your hands to clasp at the invisible force that was choking off your air supply. “Do you want the caps again?” The pressure lessened, and you coughed out a weak _no_.

He did not grab the back of your head again. Simply stared down at you, watching you as though he were expecting something. You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes as you shifted back onto your knees. Raising your chained hands, you braced them against his thighs so that you could push at him should he get too rough. Hating yourself for it, you lowered your mouth back onto his cock, tasting the precum that dribbled onto your tongue.

You ran your tongue along his shaft, your brow furrowing as you realized that your body was reacting to him being in your mouth. You whimpered, your vaginal walls pulsing as you started to grow aroused. You looked up at him with your eyes, finding that he was still watching you, and you began to bob your head. He chuckled. In your peripheral, you caught sight of his finger twitching, and suddenly you felt a pressure at your clit. You spread your legs as best you could with them being shackled and you being on your knees.

“You want it, tooke?” he asked, starting to snap his hips so that his dick hit near the back of your throat. You nodded as best you could with him in your mouth. “So _depraved_ … _desperate_ …” It felt as though something were moving inside of you, fucking up into you with every word he spoke. You ground down against it, thinking of ways you could kill him. If you could grab his lightsaber and impale him with it. If—you groaned around him as he fucked you even harder with the Force. “Such thoughts are punishable.” He grabbed the back of your head to keep you in place, no doubt aware that you would have attempted to insult him, to argue. “Always admirable, tooke. Your loyalty. But, it is misplaced. Foolish. Mmm… Kriff, you know how to use this mouth.” His words went straight to your cunt. “Your body is mine, tooke. You’re dripping for me already, aren’t you?”

This time he allowed you to pull back. “You’re despicable.”

“You want this inside of you?” He was stroking his cock, which you eyed with both distaste and want. “Do you want to play make-believe again?”

“I _will_ kill you.” Yet even as you spoke those words, you were allowing him to stand you up. You flinched when he activated his lightsaber, which he used to cut your bindings before putting the weapon away. “I’m going to…kill you…” You were walking backwards as he stepped forwards. The back of your legs hit against the bed, and you sat down upon it.

“You want to fuck your general’s son, don’t you?” he asked with a chuckle, his voice full of mockery. Your threats died on your tongue. “Instead, you’re going to ride your enemy’s cock. You’re going to love it. So desperate for it…your pussy must be so kriffing wet right now. You can’t stop squirming, pressing those thighs together. Mm…spread them wider, tooke, and I’ll climb between them.” Your jaw dropped. You could say nothing when his hands landed on your knees, jerking your legs apart. Kylo Ren bunched up the material of your clothing, stripping you and then living up to his word. He climbed between your legs and thrust up into you—and you were _so wet_ for him. Dripping. Slicking him up so that his cock slid into you with ease. He was looking down at where your bodies met. “Fuck, tooke.” You could see the reflection in his mask, and you felt your cheeks heating up at the sight of his cock disappearing into your body. “Shit.” He snapped his hips, and you threw your head back with a moan.

You squeezed your eyes closed. _Ben! Ben! Oh, Ben!_ You panted underneath him as he fucked you fast, his movements desperate. Reaching between your legs, you toyed with your clit. _Ben…Ben…BenBenBenBen—_

“He’s dead, tooke. Kriff, you’re so tight.” You drew your legs further up his back, pretending he was still Ben Solo, a man you never knew, as he fucked you. Pretending it was someone who would have been an ally. “I killed them all, tooke.” You choked out a sob as you came, his words cutting through your orgasm and reminding you that it was your enemy’s cock buried deep inside of you. “Only one more—kriff!—one more cell.”

“Just finish already,” you moaned miserably. Kylo Ren drew your body closer to his, pounding into you until he came. When he pulled out of you, you were still able to feel his semen, which dripped out of you and onto the mattress. “Take me back to the cell…anywhere else. I don’t want to be near you.”

Rather than oblige, Kylo Ren crawled onto the bed beside you and curled his body around yours. You turned your head away so that you could stare at the wall instead of look at him. Your hip hurt a little from your activities, your injury not fully healed. You traced your fingers on the rim of the wound. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, had reached for your hand, running two of his fingers up and down the digit that held his current name. And then he did the same to your other hand, to his old name, to the name of the man he had once been, the man you had pretended had been touching you.

“You would rather die than stay with me,” he said quietly. His vocoder kept the emotions from fully shining through. Still, you heard the disappointment that resided there.

You shifted your gaze down to the floor, towards the chair and at the book that was lying mere inches away. His gesture of kindness had been lost in all the cruelty. That, you imagined, was the part of him that was left over from the man known as Ben Solo. Kylo Ren did know kindness. He knew compassion and empathy, even if he shied away from them as a rule. It wasn’t as though you ever, really, forgot that he was your enemy.

“It’s not staying with you,” you began softly. “It’s being used by you. That’s all you do. Use me. My body. My memories. Everything. Just a simple tool. A passing form of entertainment that can easily be replaced. Didn’t you say so once, creature?” Upon being referred to as such, Kylo Ren wrapped his arm around you and held you close. You could feel his breathing, could feel his heartbeat. “Are you crying?”

“No.” Yet there was something static-like in that single syllable, as though his vocoder was having difficulty projecting his voice when his throat was thick with emotion. You did not know why he would be crying; perhaps he wasn’t certain of it either.

“Maybe…if you didn’t gloat…if you weren’t so cruel, weren’t always saying such things… Maybe then it would be easier.”

“And yet you would kill me.” You raised a hand to your face, covering your eyes as the first sob wracked your frame. The tears started spilling, and you could not identify what upset you so much. War was an ugly thing. People were dying. They were people regardless if they were on your side or not. It was easier when they weren’t so…human. Just names, nothing more.

“Why won’t you just kill me? Please…please…” You turned and grasped at the front of his robes. “You win. Just kill me.”

“And yet…if given a weapon…you would not point it at your own head, tooke. You would fire it my way,” Kylo Ren said. You grit your teeth together, knowing his words were the truth. “You already admitted it. So long as you live…” His voice trailed off, more static coming from him as he exhaled, or perhaps inhaled, sharply. You had wound your body around his, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in the crook of his neck so that you could cry. “I’m not… He’s dead, tooke.”

_Ben… What was he like when he was Ben? I just want to be held by someone…someone I don’t want to kill._

“B… Ren?” you said, whispering his name. He was not doing a single thing to comfort you, however he was allowing you to cling to him. “I… You’re unlovable.” His heart was racing, and you heard his breath hitch. He trembled against you.

_He’s my enemy._

You would do anything to hurt him, to kill him.

“Keeping me here to pretend you’re not… You’re an unlovable monster, and I can’t wait for the day you die.”

Kylo Ren wrenched himself away from you. You could see his shoulders heaving with every breath he took. His hands clenching and unclenching, one near the weapon at his hip. You sat up on the bed, kneeling and glaring at him. You repeated your words, calling him _unlovable_ and referring to him not by his name, but as _creature_. If he killed you in a bout of rage, he could no longer take anything from you. And he would likely be in a state of—perhaps not sorrow, but something that would render him vulnerable. Something that would allow the Resistance to gain the upper hand.

And yet suddenly he appeared to gather his bearings. “Your body is replaceable, tooke. Do you believe you’re my only form of entertainment?” It struck you to silence. You stared at him with your mouth partly open, your eyes widening. A wave of nausea rolled through you. Kylo Ren straightened himself. “You may redress, or else be taken to your cell in your present state. It matters not to me.”

You numbly pulled on your clothing. Not soon after you were dressed, a stormtrooper arrived and escorted you away. The book remained where it was on the man’s floor. You were restrained to a table much like the one on which you had taken part in the interrogation. Resting your head against it, you stared at the ceiling.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ you told yourself. Yet the thought that he had been intimate with someone else…that he had likely been _gentle_ with them while fucking you as though you were a mere toy for him… He had been the only man to have ever had you in such a way. Quite possibly the only man who ever would. _It means nothing… He means nothing to me. He’s my enemy._

Yet you could not stop thinking of the hairclip. The book. Those little things, those moments when you were left wondering about the man that had once been Ben Solo. The moments when he did not _act_ like your enemy. The fact that there was something about him that seemed so sad and afraid. The very fact that _you_ seemed to have hurt him.

And yet, you reasoned, you must truly have meant nothing to him. For him to go to another for…

 _He’s my enemy,_ you screamed in your head. _It doesn’t matter!_

_How we practice to deceive—_  
Spinning all these webs of lies.  
In them we ensnare ourselves,  
Until at last truth is compromised.


	12. Chapter 12

** Three Blind Tooke **

**[Abridged]  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twelve: The Face of War

[Chapter Warnings: mentions of isolation; mentions of medical examination; mention of sexual assault; hand injury; attempted murder; gray morality]

_All alone we are together,  
And together we are alone._

You stared blankly at the wall across from you. Days. You knew it had been days since you had seen Kylo Ren, and yet you were not certain exactly _how_ many had transpired. Rather than feed you real meals, you were given nutrients through your IV. You wondered if you were going to develop a bladder infection, once more being forced to endure a catheter. You startled at the sound of the door opening. A stormtrooper, you figured. Or else a physician to check your vitals. Maybe even a cleaning droid. Those ignored you whenever they entered. Footsteps told you that it was a visitor of the fleshy kind.

In your peripheral there was a blackness. You glanced to the side with your eyes alone, your mouth opening a minute amount when you took in the identity of your visitor. Your captor. He did not seem to glance your way in the least. “You’ve finally stopped crying.” His altered voice was becoming more familiar to you than his real one. You knew that this was the case for many; it wasn’t as though you were special, you reminded yourself. Replaceable. Not enough to satisfy his sick cravings. “Urvno informed me that your eyes were raw…irritated. Have the drops worked for you then?” It was only then that he lifted his head, his visor pointed in the direction of your face.

“You’re wretched,” you whispered, thinking of the metaphorical punch to the gut he had delivered with his admission. He made no response. You were no stranger to his gaze, to his silence. “How long have I been here?”

“Six cycles.” You felt something brush along your mind; there were no tendrils of pain this time, yet you still found yourself flinching. A strange, almost clicking noise filtered out of his mouthpiece. He stepped closer, his face directly in front of yours. “You’re funny, tooke.”

You clenched your teeth, fighting off the urge to cry. “Glad I can amuse you,” you hissed out.

“You believe I have been having sex with another. It’s funny.” You furrowed your brow, not sure why he found it amusing, and confused as to why he had phrased things as he had. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. “I said, ‘Your body is replaceable, tooke’—it is. ‘Do you believe you are my only form of entertainment?’—you are not. Two separate issues.”

“Yet conveniently strung together,” you bit out, your heart hammering in your chest and ears.

“You called me unlovable…so why should you feel betrayed, even if that had been the case?” He was practically touching you, his body and mask so close to you. Your breath fogged against his mouthpiece, condensation forming along it. “You were speaking of wishes. Your need for me to be unlovable, for you to not be seduced, to not care…for me. You’ve missed me.” Now his body did press up into yours. You tensed against your restraints at his touch. His hands were set on the table on either side of your face.

You turned your face to the side so that your breath was no longer hitting against his mask. He pressed the cool metal, more tolerable in temperature due to your breath yet at the same time moist because of it, to your cheek. He stood there for a number of seconds. You did not look his way, keeping your gaze on the metal walls of the ship you were in. After several more seconds of your silence and his, Kylo Ren stepped away from you. Your eyes turned to him and followed the man until he walked out of your line of sight. You could hear the doors opening, his heavy footsteps once more, and then the door closed and those stomping boots faded into the distance.

Hours later when the door next opened, you listened more intently. It was a mere cleaning droid, however. You watched as it did what it was programmed to do. It left not long after it entered, and you were once more alone.

_It doesn’t matter whether or not he was with another woman. It means nothing. He’s my enemy. My enemy…enemy…_

The doors opened once more. This time Urvno had entered along with a stormtrooper. Your catheter was removed, as was the IV. When you were readied, Urvno turned you over to the ‘trooper. He escorted you to one of the refreshers on the _Finalizer_. You were allowed a quick shower, during which time you were given a razor to shave. After you were finished, you were dressed in a long black shirt that slipped a little past your thighs. A black bra and underwear as well. That was all.

Officers and stormtroopers alike looked your way when you were escorted down the hallways and corridors of the _Finalizer_. More than one whistled, and more than one referred to you as a _Resistance whore_ along with stating the crude things they would do to you. You did your best to not shrink at such catcalls and their leers, however you found it difficult to hold your head up high.

Rather than being taken to Kylo Ren’s quarters as you had believed you would be, you were instead escorted to medbay. Once there, you were placed in a secluded area, away from the members of the First Order. A nurse came, took your vitals and trimmed your nails. You then waited for a few minutes before the attending physician drew the curtain closed prior to drawing your blood and performing a pap smear. You winced your way through the physical, trying to retain at least _some_ of your dignity. It was only when this was completed that you were taken to the more familiar portion of the Star Destroyer. You entered Kylo Ren’s quarters without complaint, the stormtrooper pushing you forward regardless of this. Your bare feet hit against the ground noisily, and you hardly had a chance to look over your shoulder before the door closed.

Turning back around to see what was in front of you, you found yourself stilling completely. The book had not been moved from its place on the floor. It did, however, have a boot print on it as well as other evidence that Kylo Ren had walked across it. As if he did not care about it in the least. Your eyes darted about the room, yet you could find no evidence of the man being present. You slowly, hesitantly, made your way to the book. You knelt down on the ground, your fingers brushing over the object. It was torn in a few places, his careless footsteps across it having ripped part of the binding. You scooped it up and wrapped both of your arms around it, cradling the book to your stomach.

It was the only thing that was yours, even if it had been given to you by _him_ ; even if he had stomped on it and treated it poorly in your absence.

The door to the refresher opened. Your attention was drawn to the man, who was at last devoid of his robes and helmet. He was covered by a mere towel around his waist, another on his shoulders, which he had evidently been using to pat-dry his hair. His eyes darted to you for but a moment before he turned his attention elsewhere. He crossed the room, taking out clothing. You watched him tug on his pants before he allowed the towel to drop to the floor. The one around his shoulders remained for only a few seconds longer. This, too, was discarded in a similar fashion.

He was saying nothing to you, practically ignoring the fact that you were even in the room. You soon stood, climbed into the chair, and curled up while opening the book. The feel of the crisp paper felt almost foreign. For so long you had read material on a datapad, as it was slim and more easily carried while traveling as you did. You ran your fingers along the page, flashes of your childhood entering your mind’s eye.

A hand entered your peripheral milliseconds before the book was lifted out of your grasp. You made a small noise of protest, turning only to find the man seizing the book on either side with his hands. The muscles in his arms tensed and flexed as he tore the book down the middle. He placed the two halves one atop the other and ripped it once more. You stared dumbly as the pieces fluttered to the floor, and Kylo Ren swerved his hip past the arm of the chair as he made his way over to where he had set his helmet upon the bed.

Your chest heaved, and you slid off the chair and onto your knees, your hands touching portions of the ruined book. Kylo Ren did not place his helmet on his head, though he cradled it in his arm. He made his way back to his closet, tugging out the remainder of his outfit. Once more he was ignoring you. You splayed your hands along the floor, atop the pieces of the only belonging you had had. A single hiccup shook your body. You swallowed thickly, held your breath, and were able to hold off any other such spasms.

You looked over at Kylo Ren, who had pulled on a shirt and was in the process of tugging on his boots. “I…hate you,” you said, feeling yourself starting to cry. “I really hate you.” Still, he did not utter a single syllable. Finished with his boots, he began to dress the rest of the way. You rose on shaky legs and trudged over to him. By then, the only thing he was missing was his helmet. Those dark orbs flew to your face when you braced yourself, readying a fist to strike him. You froze up instantly.

He stepped sideways a little as he turned so that your bodies were facing one another. His hands lifted, slipping under your shirt, his fingers hooking into your panties, which he tugged so that they fell. You then stepped backwards in retreat, however he did not allow you to put any distance between the two of you. Once more he was a predator, you his prey. His body moved with such precision, with such grace, that you found yourself scrambling quicker. His strides lengthened, and then he was on you, pinning you to the bed with a hand pressing down on your abdomen. His other limb had parted your legs, and he had dropped to his knees so that he could bury his face between your thighs.

When he was finished, you were still panting as you observed him cross the room, watched as he pulled on his helmet, and nearly cried in frustration when he exited his quarters, leaving your body craving his touch.

You cursed him, cursed yourself, when you squeezed your eyes closed and reached between your legs. You awkwardly pressed two fingers near your entrance, hesitated, and then moved them into you. It felt strange; nowhere near as good as when he was finger-fucking you. You withdrew the digits almost immediately, turned on your side, and stared down at the pieces of your ripped book. You pushed off the bed and walked over to the items that so held your attention. Dropping to your knees in front of them, you started to pull all the pieces towards one another.

It was not as though you could repair the book on a permanent basis; you had no adhesives with which to stick all the pieces together again. Still, you attempted to arrange them correctly. You lined each piece up together as you would a puzzle, working them all into a cohesive picture. Tears started to well up in your eyes, which were still a little raw from all the crying you had done over the past six days.

At last admitting to yourself the impossibility of the task, you picked up all the pieces, entered the refresher, and placed the ruined book into the trash. You then looked around yourself, wondering what you could possibly use as a weapon. Your eyes stopped on your reflection. You grabbed the hand towel from off its hook, wrapped it around your hand, and made a fist. With this, you struck the mirror. It took you a few more tries to get it to crack in a way that allowed you to pry off a piece you could utilize.

You removed the towel from your fist, setting the cloth on the counter before picking up the mirror shard and walking out of the refresher. You moved, once more, to the chair. The shard of glass had dug a bit into your flesh by the time you heard bootsteps coming from the other side of the door. You glanced down at your hand, at the blood that was beginning to drip, and then released a steady breath to strengthen your resolve. You stood from the chair, crossing the room so that when the door opened you were able to strike at him.

Kylo Ren took a step backwards, catching your wrist when the glass was a mere inch from his neck. You trembled in his grasp, waiting for him to squeeze your wrist as he had done so many times in the past. Waiting for him to _break_ it. He raised his other hand, unhooking your fingers from the glass, which remained in your hand, embedded in your flesh from your tight grip on it. He worked it carefully out, more blood spilling now that nothing was obscuring its path. The man stepped forward, forcing you to walk backwards. He steered you in the direction of the refresher, nearly shoving you inside.

You were still waiting for him to break your wrist, to dislocate it—anything! His visor was pointed in the direction of the portion of the mirror you had broken as he reached for the knob and turned on the faucet. He stuck your hand underneath the spray, and you hissed out in pain, jumping at the contact. Kylo Ren seized a fresh towel from a drawer after turning off the water, wrapped the cloth around your hand, and practically dragged you by the wrist back into the other room. He shoved you onto the bed, at which point he finally relinquished his hold on your wrist. You allowed your limb to drop to your lap, staring at the towel wrapped around it while Kylo Ren took out a commlink and placed a call. You could hear him speaking to Urvno, telling the man to report to his quarters along with a kit.

“Aren’t you mad?” you asked in a very quiet voice. “I tried to kill you. Aren’t you mad?”

You were met with pure silence. It was not until Urvno entered Kylo Ren’s quarters that anything was said. Even then, your captor addressed only the physician, stating that you had sliced your hand on glass. While Urvno was sterilizing the area so that he could stitch it up, Kylo Ren used his commlink once more, this time to call a repair team to tend to the broken mirror. When he made the next call, you felt your stomach sink. Mittens and chains, much like you had been forced to endure in the beginning of your captivity.

The repair crew came, immediately entering the refresher with the purpose of removing completely the broken mirror. You watched them as they walked through his quarters, attempting to ignore the stormtrooper that entered, the aforementioned bindings in his hands. The mitten for your injured hand, you noticed, was different than the other. It would allow your wound to breathe, to heal properly. Everyone in the room addressed Kylo Ren as ‘Sir’ or ‘Lord Ren’. One used the title of ‘Commander’. Such respect and fear. Fear so palpable you could taste it. The stormtrooper stepped forward when Urvno had finished with his task. The mittens and restraints were put into place. You did not fight in the least, only hung your head and stared at the floor.

A new mirror was not brought it, though the repair crew informed Kylo Ren that they would ready one immediately. Urvno lingered for a minute or so before dismissing himself. On his way out, he informed the man that he would be wanting to keep an eye on your wound to see that it healed properly. One by one they all left. You were alone with Kylo Ren, alone in the silence that hung between the two of you.

“Are you—“

“It upset you that I ripped the book.” He sounded almost curious, and you found that you could form no words all of a sudden. “Why?”

“It…it was the only…the only thing that was mine.”

His shoulders slumped the slightest bit as he released what sounded to be a sigh. Kylo Ren lifted his hands so that he could remove his helmet, which he placed down. He stepped closer before moving onto the bed next to you. You dropped your gaze to your hand. It throbbed, and you wondered a little why you had not kept the towel around your hand when you were wielding the shard of glass. You brought your legs up onto the bed, shifting so that you could turn and lay on your side. Your shirt was riding up, and you had never put back on your panties.

You felt the bed shifting, moving in ways that indicated he was readjusting his clothing. You squeezed your eyes closed, opening them not long later when he aligned his body along yours. He wasn’t naked, you realized. He had removed his boots and robe, however he still wore his other clothing. Kylo Ren snaked an arm around you. You waited to see what he would do. He only laid there, holding you.

“I…I’m…hungry…” He rolled over in order to seize the commlink, which he used to order that food was brought for the two of you. “Aren’t you mad?” Kylo Ren turned you onto your back, your arms pinned to your sides due to the way the chain caught along you. His brown eyes ran along your face, his expression completely neutral. “I tried to kill you.”

“You never claimed to attempt otherwise.” He set his mouth to your throat, placing wet kisses against it. You remained perfectly still, your brow furrowed and eyes staring up at the ceiling. You waited, wondering when he was going to kiss his way down your body. It was what he always did, you reasoned. Yet your throat apparently held much appeal for him. He suckled it, nipped, and you could feel him beginning to leave hickeys on you. When he did begin to shift, it was upwards, his lips sealing over yours. He paused upon noticing your look of confusion. His lips parted, and you guessed he would have spoken had the droid not entered his quarters with the food.

As the droid set up the food on a tray, Kylo Ren assisted you in moving back up into a sitting position. You rolled your arms, which had started to fall asleep due to how they had been pinned. You looked at the food that had been brought, wondering how you were meant to eat. It was not as though you could lift the utensils, your hands covered as they were. Kylo Ren lifted a fork, stabbed it into the meat, and then held the bite out to you. It had been quite some time since you had been forced to endure this. You scowled, however obediently opened your mouth for him to slide the bite inside.

It was as you were chewing on your fourth bite that he spoke up. “You have stated that there is no love between us…why should it matter if I _had_ been intimate with another?”

Unsure of the answer to this inquiry, you simply swallowed and waited for the next forkful. It did not come. Kylo Ren was staring at you expectantly. You ducked your head, eyeing the food hungrily and wishing to avoid the conversation. He stabbed the prongs of the fork into a bite, lifted it, and as you were opening your mouth to accept it, you found that he instead slipped it into his own mouth. You felt the muscles in your legs tense, as though telling you to spring at him, to attack him for the food. You were by no means starving, however you were more than a little hungry after not being fed for the majority of the cycle. He fed you the next bite, which caused you to once more relax.

Kylo Ren gestured towards the glass filled with what appeared to be juice. You nodded, allowing him to place the rim to your lips and help you drink. “Would you like something sweet, tooke?” Your pupils grew wide, and you could have sworn your heart skipped a beat. How long had it been, aside from the drugged hot chocolate, since you had last had something sweet? What would he want you to give up in return? Rather than ask for anything, however, he set aside the lid to the other plate, which you had previously believed held _his_ dinner. Instead there were a few cookies, which had your mouth watering. He picked one up from the plate and offered it to you. You stared at it, unsure if you could trust him. As though he were reading your thoughts, his lips quirked upwards. “It’s safe,” he said, a sort of teasing lilt gracing his voice.

You swallowed thickly before at last leaning forward and biting into the cookie. A small noise of pleasure left you, and you closed your eyes while relishing in the rich flavor. After you swallowed, you looked up at his face. The cookie remained between the two of you, his hand holding it ready for you to take a second bite. “Why?”

“Perhaps you’re more hurtful than you realize—or you intended to be so,” he said, resting the cookie against your lips so that you took another bite into your mouth. “I have always appreciated and respected the fight in you…but never the lies.” You chewed without commenting, listening to him speak. He was being civil, and thus you found that you could not deny him a proper audience. “You’re desperate, tooke… Lonely.” Your heart started to pound against your chest. “Terrified that you would serve the cause I am a part of if you did not push me away. The book wasn’t yours. You never accepted it, not for what it was.”

“What it was?” you asked, your mouth at last empty of food.

“A simple act of kindness. Something for you to hold.” His voice was passionless, as if he had personally moved on from the ordeal but was humoring you with an explanation. “You did not accept it, but instead lashed out with your lies.” Kylo Ren started to tilt his head to the side. “You interpreted my response different than I thought you would. It hurt you.” He knit his brow at this final portion, confusion once more lacing his voice.

“I don’t… I don’t know why it hurt. It shouldn’t have. You’re my enemy.” He offered you the final portion of the cookie, and you took it. Kylo Ren was patient as ever, waiting for you to finish chewing so that you could complete your response. “Why did it hurt?” You looked towards your injured hand, imagining the tattoo underneath before glancing at its twin and thinking of the same thing. “I don’t have any sort of romantic feelings for you.”

“Yet you care for me.” He said it with as much confusion as you felt. Why would you care for him? You pitied him, and that you could accept. But to care for him in any form, enough so that it had hurt you when you believed he was being intimate with another?

“You’re the only one I’ve ever…” _been with_ wasn’t quite correct. _Had sex with_ was more accurate, yet still not quite it either. “…had such…experiences with.” It went beyond the sex in some respects. He had been in your mind, seen the views you had thrown his way to deter him from taking what information he had wanted from you. Things from your childhood that you hadn’t spoken with to anyone, or hadn’t shared in quite a number of years. There was a certain intimacy in it that went beyond a physical union. “But…you aren’t mad that I tried to kill you?”

“I had anticipated it.” His gaze fell to the mittens. “But not such a foolish course. Perhaps you’re losing your touch.” His lips quirked up into a sort of smirk. “Do you still hate me?”

“I don’t…know. Sometimes. You’re still killing…killing all my…comrades.”

“All the while they’re murdering mine.”

“I’m aware. I never claimed this was black and white. It’s war.” His mouth met yours, and you did not pull away. You allowed your eyelids to descend partway, though you did not respond otherwise nor return the kiss. When he cupped your cheek, however, you gave him a single kiss, a sort of gesture of appreciation for his kindness—the cookie, the fact that he had not responded to your attempt on his life with violence. He tensed, you could feel him stiffen as though he wasn’t sure how to respond to the fact that you were, even if only momentarily, an active participant. You had taken him off guard. “Why are you keeping me here still? You don’t need me anymore.” You met his eye. “I know nothing about the final cell.”

“You may believe that to be true, tooke, but I know otherwise. The smallest of clues… The First Order will find the other Resistance splinter cell using _you_ as a guide.”

“Dreadful,” you muttered with distaste. “Monstrous deeds.”

“It’s war,” he repeated simply then kissed you.

_All is fair in love and war;_  
Yet they claim life is not fair.  
Such strange contradictions they tell,  
When wars are our lives everywhere.


End file.
